Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a holiday without flying?

108 replies

Springersrock · 27/09/2017 09:15

I'm terrified of flying - I'm really claustrophobic and the thought of being trapped in a plane terrifies me (yes, I've tried the fear of flying courses, etc, etc)

I usually get medication from my doctor and force myself, however, I never really enjoy holidays as I'm really anxious in the weeks leading up to the holiday and spend the whole time I'm away shitting myself about the flight home.

We're talking about next years holiday and I mentioned that this year I'd like to go somewhere we can drive/ferry to. That I'd like to look forward to and enjoy a holiday

This is really selfish apparently. DH and the kids want to go to Ibiza again and the whole family shouldn't have to miss out because of me.

I'm really pissed off with them all. Just one year is all I'm asking for. There are lots of lovely places we can drive to, AIBU to think I'm not really asking for much

OP posts:
GhostsToMonsoon · 27/09/2017 16:16

Have a look at the seat61.com website all about train travel in Europe. Maybe you could make the journey part of the holiday and stop off somewhere en route.

Brittany Ferries from Portsmouth to St Malo is a very good service, and they also sail to Santander.

ClumsyFool · 27/09/2017 18:50

In addition to the good points raised here, why do the kids get such a deciding vote on everything?? I can well imagine the response my sister and I would have gotten if we'd tried to dictate holiday plans to my parents!! Don't get me wrong, they always made sure that our holidays had something for everyone and took into account what was there for all of us but in no way shape or form would we have been able to tell them what to book and rightly so, they'd worked hard all year to pay for it and needed the break far more than we did!

Your 'D'H is the big issue here allowing your DC to speak to you like that and not having your back. You've spent your previous holidays full of anxiety and not being able to enjoy them, it's time you actually give yourself the chance to enjoy a holiday for once.

rosy71 · 27/09/2017 19:01

I've just looked at the journey to Ibiza by train & ferry & it looks great! You could have a few hours in Paris & Barcelona on the way.

For future holidays, you can travel to the south of France by Eurostar & ferry to Spain. THere are also plenty of cruises in the Mediterranean so no need to fly at all to get somewhere hot!

rosy71 · 27/09/2017 19:02

You can also get ferries to Morocco.

LilaoftheGreenwood · 27/09/2017 19:05

True Ninon and I've never understood why, we need someone to repackage it for the not-nearly dead. On the face of it it's a fabulous idea, you float about go to different places and always have about 5 massive pools and beauty treatments and a creche at your disposal. Then for some reason they load on all this grim "entertainment"and packaged in food and charge people a fortune.

I was really surprised Easycruise didn't take off (no frills, same as the airline) but then I didn't book one so I guess there we go!

ForalltheSaints · 27/09/2017 19:31

Ibiza. So 1990s.

You can go by train or car to the south of France or the area south of Royal/Bordeaux and have plenty of warmth and sunshine.

existentialmoment · 27/09/2017 19:34

I am actually quite upset that they can't be more understanding for 1 bloody year. DH especially. The kids know I don't like it, but DH knows how genuinely terrified I am

I would imagine that since you do actually fly with them every year, they don't really get why you can't do it again.

tentative3 · 27/09/2017 19:37

I can just about understand the kids if, as you say, you've consistently tried to down play and hide your phobia for their sake and they're not yet old enough and sensitive enough to see past that. But your DH is being rather unpleasant, IMHO.

I'd be tempted to bugger off on my own adventure entirely but then I don't like beach holidays. If you still want to holiday with them and they absolutely won't compromise it sounds like the train/ferry option is the way to go.

If there are places that you'd like to go that you can't feasibly get to overland or by ferry in the time you have, such as NY or OZ/NZ then yes, perhaps it would be worth exploring other options for therapy. But for that reason, not because your family are railroading you into it.

happypoobum · 27/09/2017 19:37

I agree with PP I would let them fly and you make your own way and have loads of fun before you have to join them and do all the compromising family stuff.

I found that as my DC got older they were far more impressed with the idea of a city break than a beach holiday.

I bet your 16 year old would love to have a holiday in Paris?

Original poster
Springersrock · 27/09/2017 20:17

Thanks all!

It's not just the kids who like beach/pool/villa/somewhere hot holidays. DH does too. I get out voted

The diazepam helps with actually getting myself on the flight, but not the weeks of crapping myself before and the shit week while I'm there

I've spoken to him again tonight. I've given him options - Ibiza is fine, but I get the train or we go somewhere ferry/drivable like Brittany.

DD2 now wants to come with me on the train Hmm

OP posts:
MarmaladeIsMyJam · 27/09/2017 20:20

Ah don't go to Brittany! Get yourself south where it will be warm Grin only 5.5 hours on the Eurostar!
levieuxmoulindecrillon.Fr.

NinonDeLenclos · 27/09/2017 21:00

I agree forget Brittany and head south. Provence is gorgeous and the the Cote d'Azure is very like Ibiza (nicer imo) and the western end is quieter.

The Eurostar makes it very quick.

Linky

NinonDeLenclos · 27/09/2017 21:09

Oo I like Grasse

Good sea views

NinonDeLenclos · 27/09/2017 21:11

Vence is lovely - this has gorgeous views

QueenofLouisiana · 27/09/2017 21:16

Northern Spain! Ferry down to Santander, mini cruise with dolphin watching, a swimming pool and nice food. The coast is gorgeous with lovely beaches and mountains a short drive away.

Original poster
Springersrock · 27/09/2017 21:24

Thanks all!

They're actually looking at different places as I type.

They all seem keen on the ferry down to Santander

Yay!!!!

OP posts:
InvisibleKittenAttack · 27/09/2017 21:26

Why are you and your DH letting the kids decide?!? Even at 13 and 16, it should be you and DH to decide.

I would say to him (without the DCs being nearby) that you have suffered flights for the rest of the family, and you would like to not be made to fly or feel bad about it. Would he be prepared to do a 'united front' to the DCs that flying options are not available this year. What compromises can you two come up with together, then present options tht are suitable to your DCs.

Overnight ferry then these are the options we are picking from for where we can stay.

If your DH is letting them have a say, you need to have an argument with him, away from the DCs, that he's being unreasonable by using the children to gang up on you. He can holiday alone with them. Sod that.

HackneyP · 27/09/2017 21:31

YANBU. I have a similar fear and DH doesn't realise how debilitating and uncontrollable it is. He tells me to get on with it and "just be normal". Easy for someone to say who doesn't experience the horrendous feelings. It would be nice for you to have a year where you can properly look forward to something. Either way if you do go to Ibiza don't put yourself through the flight even if you have to meet them there.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 27/09/2017 21:36

Are you willing to do the driving?

InvisibleKittenAttack · 27/09/2017 21:38

Piglet - they live near portsmouth, where the Santandar crossing goes from - at the other end, they could easily find somewhere to stay within a 60/90 minute drive - that would probably mean similar driving than if they wanted to drive then fly from a London airport.

cutie101 · 27/09/2017 22:00

Try cruising from Southampton. We actually find it the best, most fun and most affordable way to holiday as it's all inclusive, has kids entertainment, bars, nightclubs, theatre, amazing restaurants every night, and you get to see new places nearly every day. Try p and o or royal Caribbean if you can, they are fun and very family friendly

callmeadoctor · 27/09/2017 22:09

OMG you live near Southampton!!! Get on a Royal Caribbean Cruise Ship (Independence or Navigator) and GO!!!!! The person that said cruises are for old people, you are so wrong! The big ones like RCI are real party ships, they have ice rinks, climbing walls, flow riders, amusements, shows, waiter service, kids can do their own thing. I cannot recommend them highly enough. Everybody can then do their own holiday, they are floating cities and are amazing Grin

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 27/09/2017 22:12

they could easily find somewhere to stay within a 60/90 minute drive - that would probably mean similar driving than if they wanted to drive then fly from a London airport.

If you are ok driving abroad. Some people really aren't.

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 27/09/2017 22:34

Cruise from Southampton. Pick the right boat and loads of great activities for you and the kids. No need to fly

Original poster
Springersrock · 27/09/2017 23:24

If you are ok driving abroad. Some people really aren't.

But some people really aren't OK flying abroad - me!

I kind of feel like it's my turn now.

DH is Ok driving abroad, as am I

OP posts: