Phrases/words you can't stand on MN

[cathf]

Maybe it's just me, but I'll kick off with:
Booby monster (or any kind of 'monster')
Figetbum (not seen this often, but it is so horrific I can't forget it)
Snuggly cuddles (see also milky cuddles,and sleepy cuddles or snuggles)
Newborn, used as a noun, not an adjective - as in my newborn, not my newborn baby.
I'm sure I will think of some more!

Most trolls wouldn't bother though, they just go straight into their shocking story with details that don't quite add up...

I've been on mn since 2004 so I've seen a lot of trolls. I can spot trolls posts a mile off whilst everyone else is fawning over the op but I'd never suggest that someone is a troll.

People describing themselves as 'a full time mum'.

@FenellaMaxwellsPony I actually commented in the group that they'd all find themselves here! 😂

Fuck me! There are some easily annoyed people here.....

Jeez....this has been enlightening reading! And don't start on me for the word Jeez!!
I detest the ' D' prefix. I mentally substitute it with the word ' dire ' ...it usually fits. Though I do get confused with...f's and s's.....family, father, fiance , fuckwit? S.....sister, son, salamander?

Get your ducks in a row. I know what it means.....but overdone to a crisp!

The i have mh issues too line...usually when the OP has been called out for being a twat.

Eleventy billion 😤😤😤

I hate "sling baby" as the answer to every child related transport problem.

I have not seen this in MN but I can't stand 'Friyay'and 'holiyay' wtf?

'You don't have a MIL problem - you have a DH problem'.

No, no, NO. If your mother-in-law is being a bitch and treating you like shit, your problem is with her. I'm completely baffled by the idea that any issues with in-laws must be dealt with exclusively by your partner. If he doesn't stick up for you then yes, that's an issue - but a completely separate one.

I like it here and none of the mumsnet-isms annoy me yet. I find it quite funny when people post a jammy dodger emoticon as if it were a devastating riposte, and I even like 'Did you mean to be so rude?' It sounds like a comedy catchphrase uttered by some parody Victorian spinster who is perpetually outraged by everything. The fact that it has no plausible real world application is what makes it funny, I guess. There literally is no one-size-fits-all perfect comeback, and brilliantly improvised ones only exist as frustrating staircase wit, or in ben trovato type anecdotes.

Dear reader or reader,

Sanpro

Phone 101

Not totally an MN thing but anything hubby/hubster/hublish makes my toes curl.

'My DD/DS is 6 and has just read all the Harry Potter books. Took him/her about 3 weeks, and he/she can recall every single character, how they relate to the story and what their relationship to other characters is. Yes, of course they understood them, even the Deathly Hallows - he/she can discuss the nuances of the plot at length.'

Ok, so not a sentence/phrase, but seen this sort of thing on here quite a few times and it's such unmitigated bullshit, (unless your child is a candidate for next years' Child Genius, and even then I'd seriously doubt they really understood some of the more adult themes).

My one-year-old will eat ANYTHING!
I have never given them salt/sugar/junk, so they do not crave it. I think all the posters with older children who refuse to eat unsweetened yoghurt/rhubarb/quinoa/kale just need to be firm. I am, and I am rewarded with a child who is happy to try all of these things.
There's no faddy eaters in this house!

There literally is no one-size-fits-all perfect comeback, and brilliantly improvised ones only exist as frustrating staircase wit, or in ben trovato type anecdotes.

"Fuck the fuck off and when you get there, fuck off some more." Not original or funny it is just really laboured and try hard, it reminds me of the posh girls at school trying out swearing and thinking themselves very daring.

Also if a child is getting some verbal stick from another child ',teach him/her some comebacks' as if some all purpose pre-prepared response delivered by a pint sized Oscar Wilde or Dorothy Parker will dumbfound said bully in their tracks with its rapier like wit, rather than earning their offspring a Chinese burn or a dead leg for their troubles.

I feel confused about whether cathf is randomly telling us that or pretend posting a posting style she dislikes.

Admittedly i can be quite dense at times.

I'm sure cathf is posting a sample of smug posting style she doesn't like

Probably.

Make more sense than her randomly telling us all about her unfussy eater.

The term ‘boak’ makes me want to do so myself.

Oh yes to 'Noam'!

'Boak'

What is sanpro?

@Userlavender

THIS 'i just shot my neighbour because she blinked at me i hate her she's so creepy her presence ruined my life aibu' after yes yabu comes back with 'meant to add i used to have issues with food, i have 20 kids my boiler just broke and i've self diagnosed myself with a chronic anxiety condition which is cuntitis but it's anxiety have a heart you bully and know that i am never responsible for my actions because i am a VICTIM of ANXIETY. P.s. Sorry to anyone who found this triggering re boiler - i'm just all over the place right now. Any hand holds gratefully accepted.' In real life it would be acceptable to tell these people to fuck off. Mumsnet is wildly off the mark sometimes.

Baha ha ha! Nearly spat my coffee out when I read this!

I hate 'wow, just wow...' too. makes me wanna smash my fucking laptop!