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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your dad has ever bought you a present?

160 replies

moutonfou · 23/09/2017 17:29

I saw a post online about a gift that someone's dad had bought them for an achievement.

It made me realise that my dad has never ever bought me a present. Of course my mum would buy things that purported to be from the two of them, but I doubt my dad ever actually knew what was in there.

I don't say this in a "what a mean guy, never buying me a present" way. It's not so much the lack of presents which struck me, but the fact that he probably didn't/doesn't actually know me well enough to know what I'd like, or could never be bothered to even take a wild guess. I don't think he'd be able to tell you three things I enjoy doing tbh.

Is this unusual?

OP posts:
GrandDesespoir · 23/09/2017 19:54

My dad bought me a money box when I was six. He brought it home in a brown paper bag.

Since then he has bought me a few presents, usually because I have suggested specific things he could get me, when in the shop with him. I also made it clear that I expected my birthday and Christmas cards to be signed by him, not by my mum for both of them - after all, I buy separate presents for them both, for birthdays and Christmas.

To be fair, he is very generous in other ways; treating me to meals and so on if we go out together, and he does buy nice presents and cards for my mum (although usually at the last minute).

Hellywelly10 · 23/09/2017 19:55

My dad passed away a long time ago. He would always buy me stuff all the time. Even clothes as he knew my mum struggled for cash. he had great taste. On the other hand my mum isn't a great gift giver. Depends on the personality.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 23/09/2017 19:55

In recent years half of my tumble dryer and a wine bottle opener !
Bless him - presents were my mums remit

He's dead now so this thread is quite Sweet to read

DuggeeHugs · 23/09/2017 19:55

Yes, my dad does. The one that really sticks out is the day he gave me a book on enzymes when I was at uni. I loved my studies but was struggling with this topic so he'd quietly researched and found this book to help me.
It was a really special gift because of the timing and the effort he'd put in to choosing it Smile

RedSkyAtNight · 23/09/2017 19:56

I think presents are genuinely from both my mother and father.

I can't remember the last time they actually got me anything liked/wanted though - so your point about your dad not knowing you well enough to buy a present is not restricted to fathers.

LadyLance · 23/09/2017 19:57

My parents are together but once I got old enough that we only really did token gifts for Christmas/birthdays they bought me separate presents. My dad knows my favourite foundation, so he often buys me that, which is great. For my last birthday he bought me some really nice headphones. Generally he puts a lot of thought into choosing presents for me and mum.

DeadDoorpost · 23/09/2017 19:57

My dad knows me better than my mum does so Christmas is actually not that bad for me. Mind you, I have a book obsession, so it's not difficult. But he also knows my sense of humour and sends me pictures and videos all the time as well just to make me laugh. Not exactly presents but it shows he's thinking of me.

Greyhorses · 23/09/2017 19:58

He bought me a car care kit including ice scraper with built in hand warmer Grin

Thataintnoetchasketch · 23/09/2017 20:06

My dad bought me a beast of a magalite torch ten years ago when I moved into my own place and made sure I knew to hold it by the light end if I ever needed to use it as a weapon. Last year he brought me back a potato peeler from Australia! He's really good at buying DS (18 months) random gifts without my mum though which surprised me.

ForagingForFaerieGold · 23/09/2017 20:07

Nope. Not once in my entire life. I had a father but I never had a "dad" . Funnily enough, I don't miss him. The hurt died years before he did.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 23/09/2017 20:10

Never chose and picked out presents by himself when he was with my mum. Just pushed the trolley and paid, I think.

Once he brought me an old cardboard cutout display bear a shop was giving away, and a few things found in skips he thought I might like, such as a pair of old roller skates.

When they divorced he had no idea it was my birthday when I went home from uni for the Christmas holidays, and asked me how old I was (it was my 21st), and what my middle name was 

But when his younger girlfriend came over during the Christmas period he made a huge deal of writing out a "Christmas cheque" that was more than my mother gave me in front of her.

@BikeRunSki your dad sounds like an absolute sweetheart- what lovely memories of him to hold FlowersFlowersFlowers

MsAwesomeDragon · 23/09/2017 20:13

My dad bought me a flute when I was 14. I'd pestered for it for ages.

He bought me a tumble drier for Christmas the year I moved into my first flat, then a dining table and chairs for my birthday.

My dad is fairly good at presents, although I do know my mum buys more of them.

Bluelonerose · 23/09/2017 20:16

Yes and no. Anything I've had has come from mom and dad. Mom might shop for the present but dad goes to work to pay for it. Grin

Reminds me of something I saw on Facebook last year
"When the tag says from mom and dad and you know dad doesn't have a clue what's inside"

Witchend · 23/09/2017 20:20

Not often, simply because dm tended to buy them all. I can't actually think of anything he has brought (though I'm fairly certain he has) however he has definitely made me things he's a talented wood carver/carpenter) and he used to bring me the mini shampoos back for my dolls when he stayed in a hotel with work.

DaisysStew · 23/09/2017 20:23

When I was about 7 and he was trying to worm his way back into my mums bed affections, he bought me a porcelain doll (I've always hated dolls and this one was scary looking) my sister a teddy and my brother a gremlins puppet... only he hadn't bought them at all but scrounged them off someone who was throwing them out, which he charmingly informed us of a while later.

Apart from that, nothing. Even when he lived with us he refused to give my mum any money towards Christmas presents - but still put his name on the tag and kicked off when we didn't thank him for them.

TwigTheWonderKid · 23/09/2017 20:25

Both my parents died when I was a teenager but one of my earliest memories is my dad coming back from a trip with lots of presents for me and my mum. Main Christmas and birthday presents were always chosen by my mum and dad together but I also got presents that each had chosen separately. My dad also made me some amazing things like a miniature puppet theatre with real moving curtains and working stage lights.

FloraAnnie · 23/09/2017 20:26

Mum organises Christmas and birthdays, but I have had presents from my father, usually a book he's seen whilst browsing.

I remember when I was about 8, my brother and I had measles simultaneously. Dad came home from work one day with a jigsaw and another day he came home with a book- he'd nipped out in his lunch hour to buy them because my brother and I were so bored and miserable.

mamaduckbone · 23/09/2017 20:28

My dad bought me a set of needle files for my metalwork at uni, and a Street atlas when we moved back to the local area after time away.
He knew me very well, and although he didn't buy me many gifts, those he did were spot on (more so than my mum in fact.)
I do miss him ever so much...Sad

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 23/09/2017 20:28

Yeah my parents divorced when I was two so my dad did all the present buying for himself.

BlackThumb · 23/09/2017 20:29

My Dad bought me a trip to New York. Had a great holiday just the two of us!

Thishatisnotmine · 23/09/2017 20:30

My dad has always bought my brother and I lots of things and tbh, I have always thought it unusual that he does. Contributes to Christmases snd birthdays, buys little things just because. A whisk that looks like a squid is a highlight! He even wraps and writes the gift tags! He's not been great in other ways though, prefering to stay at work or in the pub for a lot of our childhood but I know now that that was down to depression and stress, not us.

peachgreen · 23/09/2017 20:32

Not spontaneously (apart from when I started my period and he bought me flowers and I was MORTIFIED, haha) but if I ask for something for my birthday or Christmas he’ll spend weeks researching it to make sure I end up with THE VERY BEST ONE. It’s pretty cute (and very useful - I ask for a basic model, I end up with something much better!).

BananaSandwichesEveryDay · 23/09/2017 20:37

Presents were always from both parents, until they divorced anyway, but I know my dad was often the one doing the buying. He would buy the most wonderful gifts, often toys that were somewhat ahead of their time , and would be roundly scolded by my mum, because he'd spent too much money. One time he spent a whole weeks wages on just one toy and my mum had to somehow feed us and pay the rent out of fresh air! When I was older, he still bought wonderful, if impractical, presents for me and later, for my dcs. My dad died a good few years ago now, but I still have a few of my childhood presents around and remembering the joy on his face when we opened and loved our gifts, always makes me smile. Lovely memories.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 23/09/2017 20:38

My dad buys me lovely presents - jewellery, books, gadgets, sports stuff...

bridgetreilly · 23/09/2017 20:38

My mum once made him buy actual Christmas presents for all of us. I got a book which I wanted to read. I felt quite proud of him for getting that right. But I think that's the only time. Usually I open things from my parents and he has no idea what they are.

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