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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if your dad has ever bought you a present?

160 replies

moutonfou · 23/09/2017 17:29

I saw a post online about a gift that someone's dad had bought them for an achievement.

It made me realise that my dad has never ever bought me a present. Of course my mum would buy things that purported to be from the two of them, but I doubt my dad ever actually knew what was in there.

I don't say this in a "what a mean guy, never buying me a present" way. It's not so much the lack of presents which struck me, but the fact that he probably didn't/doesn't actually know me well enough to know what I'd like, or could never be bothered to even take a wild guess. I don't think he'd be able to tell you three things I enjoy doing tbh.

Is this unusual?

OP posts:

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 23/09/2017 18:26

My Dad often buys me things for no reason, usually I like them!

WhooooAmI24601 · 23/09/2017 18:26

My Mum and Dad divorced when I was 18 so they've not shopped together for gifts for almost 20 years. He doesn't buy lots of things (though he's not tight at all) but he's incredibly thoughtful with the things he does for us and the DCs. He knows us and the DCs well.

DH buys gorgeous gifts for the DCs and knows them inside out. He's the master of christmas stocking gifts and from around this time each year he squirrels away all sorts of little bits and bobs for them. I'm better at the big stuff and gifts for family but I think DH will always be like this.

opheliacat · 23/09/2017 18:28

No, never. If you'd asked my dad what music or perfume I liked he wouldn't have known.

He did give me money though.

Enko · 23/09/2017 18:28

Yes he has but my parents divorced when I was 5.. My stepdad has never bought me a present not even after mum died He sends money Both dad and stepdad are loving granddads though to their 5 grandchildren.

Findingross · 23/09/2017 18:29

Yes. I remember my Dad buying (and making me) several gifts. My favourite was a rabbit when I was 9 years old and poorly in bed. That rabbit stayed with us for 10 years and ended up living in the house.

Looking back, I now realise how kind and generous he was.

My DH also buys our DD gifts, not necessarily at birthdays/Christmas though.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 23/09/2017 18:29

My dad bought me a bottle of dewberry hair conditioner (airport purchase) and an angle poise lamp in the 1990s - no presents as such since. But he is extremely generous, it's just that gift buying is an area my entire family is shit at. He gave me a 4 year old car in perfect condition when he was getting a new one - no complaints at all!

Ollivander84 · 23/09/2017 18:30

Yes! Usually makeup
He goes to the MAC counter, shows them a photo and says "whatever the Christmas stuff/limited edition is please"

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/09/2017 18:32

My dad died when I was in my teens. He made me a play house and a doll bed when I was little. Never bought me a present. He was too busy buying them for my brother. I idolised him. Now I don't think he deserved my absolute devotion.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 23/09/2017 18:33

My dad buys presents, for me, DH and the DC, and for my sisters and their partners and DC. He buys practical stuff, silly stuff, 'just because' stuff, personal stuff, expensive 'could never afford myself stuff'... my dad is thoughtful, caring, and kind.

My mother, on the other hand, had to ask me when my birthday was. She has 'forgotten' every year for the last five...

Sadik · 23/09/2017 18:34

Yes - last xmas I got two pairs of earrings, one from DM and one from DF, because they agreed I'd like earrings, but couldn't agree which pair I'd prefer! (FWIW DM's choice I wear as an 'everyday' pair, DF's choice I wear when I'm dressed up to go out, so both a good call though very different)

Tealdeal747 · 23/09/2017 18:37

Just cash.

I don't think he even knows when my birthday is! (Lived with him all my childhood so not an absent dad)

YoshimiBthePR · 23/09/2017 18:39

Some of these posts are really lovely.

My Dad lost contact a few years back. I remember a present from him 10 years ago. His wife may have chosen it, not sure. But it was exactly my taste so I like to think he did.

When I was little he bought me a Friday treat every week. It was always sweets or chocolate of some sort but special. It was always hidden in his work jacket pocket and he always pretended he'd forgotten.

Allesda · 23/09/2017 18:42

My father bought my brother and me ornamental ashtrays when we were 7 and 11

He'd been away at a funeral and picked those up on the way back. My mother was always the present buyer in the house but she gave up on that years back.

oldlaundbooth · 23/09/2017 18:42

He's never bought me a present, called me or written me a letter or an email.

We are in regular contact, he just doesn't make the effort, it's me who does.

bushtailadventures · 23/09/2017 18:42

My dad bought me an Osmonds cd a few years ago, I was very touched that he remembered my love of Donny when I was 7

To be honest I think it is probably the only present he has bought me without the help of my stepmum, but what a present!

craftsy · 23/09/2017 18:43

My dad wouldn't decide to look for a present for me but if he saw something that he thought I'd need or want he'd buy it. He bought me a winter coat last year, he gave me my dyson, he bought my step-ladder, etc. He always, always buys presents for my DS though. And by always I mean he has had to rein himself back from buying him several toys a week.

StigmaStyle · 23/09/2017 18:43

Hi did when I was a child but it would upset me because he would decide what I wanted and bully me into saying I wanted it. Sometimes I just didn't want anything but he'd decide on something for me. Then be horrible if I wasn't grateful. Have been estranged since I was late teens, so no, but it's no great loss!

But, a few years ago I knew a woman (girlfriend of a friend) who was close to her dad, and one time he came to see her and had bought her a dress from Reiss! I was that he would know things like what she liked, her size etc. and would go shopping in Reiss to get it. He would have been happy for her to exchange it, but she loved it.

I went home and had a bit of a cry after that and felt sorry for myself.

StarfishSeahorse · 23/09/2017 18:44

He bought me a spotty stuffed dog. When I had the measles.

Gillian1980 · 23/09/2017 18:44

My dad was a single dad while I was growing up so he chose/bought all of my birthday and Christmas presents.

My DH often chooses gifts for our DD, he buys more "just because " presents than I do as he's always seeing stuff she would like.

I think it's a shame that a dad wouldn't know his child well enough to choose a gift. But I think it's a pattern a lot of families fall in to.

RiseToday · 23/09/2017 18:47

I've had money in a card for my birthday for as long as I can remember. Apart from my 18th and 21st which he forgot about.

Xmas is usually household stuff, alcohol or food.

He has never ever bought me something for the sake of it because it might be a nice thing to do. Milestones in my life such as exams, driving test, graduation, wedding, birth of child, nothing.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 23/09/2017 18:50

I suspect that my mum does a lot of the present buying, but I do remember the time my dad bought me a sledge for an early birthday present. Forecast was for snow and he didn't want me to miss out.

It's a proper wooden sledge and he carried it home on the tube.

It did snow, and the sledge was awesome! I still have it up in the loft

Judydreamsofhorses · 23/09/2017 18:52

My dad died warn I was 24, and presents were mainly "love from mum and dad", but I really remember gifts he made me - a dolls' house, a sledge, and an electronic dice as examples. He was also responsible for pets, so took me to choose variously rabbits, guinea pigs and, just before he died, the best dog in the world, ever.

Copperspot · 23/09/2017 18:53

All the time. He likes to shop

Especially kitchen stuff! If i mention in conversation "i could really do with a new frying pan / knife / spatula" he uses that as an excuse to spend hours in debenhams kitchen department then presents me with said item.

I also don't think i've ever left their house empty handed. He's always giving me food! He likes to give me the free one of any bogof as he always worries i'm not eating right (i'm 31 and can cook).

He gave me a saute pan last week

He's a very good present buyer. He remembers something you said you wanted in August and buys it for xmas.

Catwithglasses · 23/09/2017 18:57

Through my life I've definitely had a couple of presents which were my dad's doing rather than my mum, both surprises (rather than something I'd asked for) and very suited to me. I've never felt one parent more engaged than the other, although I share (different) interests with each of them which perhaps helps.

TableMirror · 23/09/2017 19:00

Yes, my dad always bought us a little something back when he went abroad.

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