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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if your dad has ever bought you a present?

160 replies

moutonfou · 23/09/2017 17:29

I saw a post online about a gift that someone's dad had bought them for an achievement.

It made me realise that my dad has never ever bought me a present. Of course my mum would buy things that purported to be from the two of them, but I doubt my dad ever actually knew what was in there.

I don't say this in a "what a mean guy, never buying me a present" way. It's not so much the lack of presents which struck me, but the fact that he probably didn't/doesn't actually know me well enough to know what I'd like, or could never be bothered to even take a wild guess. I don't think he'd be able to tell you three things I enjoy doing tbh.

Is this unusual?

OP posts:

Threenme · 23/09/2017 18:01

Dh doesn't buy the presents for birthdays, Christmas etc and would be overwhelmed but he will buy the kids things he knows they would like throughout the year and often bring random surprises from a kinder egg to a little toy. My own dgd when he could get out and about was a prolific present buyer! He loved it and still loves getting us to fetch presents for different people he wants to buy for us all now now. The entire time I was growing up he'd give me and db a pound for the ice cream man. I can not ever once remember him not sending one for dm too who was well into her 30's. Now when he sends my own dc a pound me and dh get one too! I love him!!!!

Bestbees · 23/09/2017 18:03

Yes. My dad is a lovely gentle kind man. Recently he chose my birthday card. He had notice i had a selection of pictures, all black and white so chose a card which goes with them.

Easyonthetonic · 23/09/2017 18:03

Most presents bought by my mum but my dad bought me champagne when I graduated.

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 23/09/2017 18:03

My lovely, late dad bought me some great presents. One that I always remember was that on Valentine's Day he always used to get me and my mum an orchid each. I think my dad bought me more flowers than my husband has.

Saysomething88 · 23/09/2017 18:05

Money. Always money. Never was great at presents. But happy to give money towards a gift. He was good with his mum and his sister. But he realised from an early age that I would be hard to buy for. It was much easier that way

JennyBlueWren · 23/09/2017 18:05

My dad bought me lots of presents over the years. Sometimes I wouldn't know which were from which parent but some I could tell (hidden presents and having to follow clues (when I lived at home). His last present to me were some little blue swallow earrings and necklace which were hidden in a duck shaped box with a secret compartment. I opened them on Christmas Day and then found out he had died. Mum wouldn't hide presents like that -that was a dad thing.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 23/09/2017 18:06

He bought me a gift when he travelled with work when I was little. He bought me lava bread when he was in the butchers last week because he knew I had been fancying it. Only a little gesture but I was really pleased. He's a practical buyer, if I need lights for the garden, he'll turn up with lights. If I'm up their house and say I'm going to get petrol, he'll slip me £20.
No handbags or perfume from him though, my mother deals with Christmas and birthdays.

DumbledoresApprentice · 23/09/2017 18:06

My dad is rubbish in lots of ways but he does buy me presents. In fact most of my nice dresses are ones my dad picked out and bought.

OlennasWimple · 23/09/2017 18:07

My mum usually comes up with the ideas but my dad does the actual choosing. He's really good at choosing me clothes that I wouldn't have bought myself but that actually look great (though you would never peg him as a style guru if you met him )

Threenme · 23/09/2017 18:07

Bridget my dh alway buys my little girl a valentine's present and niches of flowers every few weeks! (She's 5)! I think he's subconsciously conditioning her to expect it off future bf and not put up with any arseholes!

Branleuse · 23/09/2017 18:07

He usually gives me money for birthdays, but he has bought me gifts too. Hes sent me books and cds he thinks id like, although not for a while x

Whisky2014 · 23/09/2017 18:09

Yes my dad buys me loads of stuff when he is away travelling. I did notice that he had never written a card though, it was always mum. I mentioned this once he has started writing the odd one

GenerationX2 · 23/09/2017 18:12

No my dad never really bought me a gift - they all came from my mum with both names attached but when I moved away from home the conversations I had with my DD were a great gift - I never doubted how much he loved me. When he died last year and i was remaining about what a great dad he was and how involved in my life he was my DM decided then was the perfect time to go on a rant about how he never bought gifts how he did not want to be involved in anything and she had had to do it all her self. Point taken - but honestly WHY days after my DD funeral - but that speaks volumes to my mothers behavior.

So sorry to rant.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 23/09/2017 18:12

Yes, he paid for my honeymoon as a wedding gift (a huge surprise on the day).

He has bought me the occasional gift here and there too.

seventeenlittleducks · 23/09/2017 18:14

Yes my DM and DF spilt up while I was in my teens. My Xmas presents from him were always great presents laptop, iPad etc they were never asked for but very much appreciated. Now with my step mum and we still get thoughtful presents from both of them, I'm lucky in the aspect that my DM, DF and DSM get on so well and are all friends I think that's the greatest present of all, family events where there's no awkwardness and lots of laughs brilliant for my DS as well.

Sgtmajormummy · 23/09/2017 18:18

DF used to make us things, which I think is one of the best ways to give presents.
Growing up he made us toys (whips and tops, a bow and arrows that was a lethal weapon , boats knocked up from offcuts of wood) and I remember a pencil box with a sliding lid for my 12th birthday. After that, home made became uncool...

When I grew up he made me a kitchen trolley to fit a specific gap in the units and a very sturdy computer desk. What a lump of wood THAT was!l

It was his way of showing how much he cared. Christmas and birthdays were DM's responsibility but he used his skills to make useful and unique presents.

SmellySphinx · 23/09/2017 18:18

Same here OP, it's usually my Mum who does the present choosing although It's usually money nowadays.

When it's something 'just because' and not an occasion

Mum: Here's a tenner, don't tell your Dad!

Dad: Here's a tenner, don't tell your Mam!

Win win!

Dads not very good at present buying anyway, he bought my Mum some slippers, a 3 drawer cassette rack and a gold necklace (which she always gets). She wa't happy that year!

MatildaTheCat · 23/09/2017 18:19

Not really, its was mums 'job'. And he was awful at buying her presents, too. Just clueless. Yet not a mean man in many ways.

Dh has always bought presents for our sons and chooses very well. I wonder if he'd have been as good at choosing gifts for a dd had we had one? Probably not.

Chunkymonkey123 · 23/09/2017 18:19

No my dad doesn't buy us presents until one year (when I was about 15) my older sister insisted on him buying us a Christmas gift himself.
They all came from the petrol station and it was pretty amusing. I think my sister got de-icer, I got air freshener and my mum got socks.
He doesn't love us any less, gifts just aren't his thing.

coffeekittens · 23/09/2017 18:21

The only present he's physically bought me is a tyre pressue thing for my car, and he books me a holiday each year.

He gives me a lot of money for things though that I'd like or things for DD.

BenLui · 23/09/2017 18:21

My parents always shop together so yes, he’s always involved.

He made me lovely dolls furniture when I was little though.

My DH is always involved in what we by the DC.

Redglitter · 23/09/2017 18:22

My dad bought presents if he was away for work

He didn't buy it exactly but he did suggest to my mum that they got my grans (his mum) engagement ring made into a pendant for me for my 40th. He knew I'd love it. I do. He died just months after I got it which makes it even more precious

EnglishRose13 · 23/09/2017 18:22

My dad once bought me The Sims after I had a row with my mum. He's also paid for things when I've been shopping for him.

He does pick up toys he thinks my son will like and buy them, which I think is sweet.

But Christmas and birthdays, it's all my mum.

I've asked my husband to make sure he picks at least one present for the boy every birthday and Christmas so it's not all me. He does.

WhirlwindHugs · 23/09/2017 18:23

My Dad buys presents. I wouldn't say he always gets it right! But he definitely tries.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 23/09/2017 18:26

Yes, plenty of times.

He got me a guitar for my eighth birthday, a chess set for another, a bike for another, roller-skates for another. He was great with presents - normally something he could do/enjoy with me (he learnt how to rollerblade so he could teach me, for example).

As I got older, he would buy me nice clothes, or take me to fancy restaurants, or give me money. He also paid and booked to take me and a friend to Center Parcs several times as pre-teens for my birthday.

I'm really shocked that so many people's dads never got them presents! Even as an adult, he's ALWAYS gotten me a birthday or Christmas present. Often he gets me personalised jewellery, or something practical - a handmade blanket from Etsy last year, for example.

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