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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a single man travelling to Thailand regularly is up to no good

505 replies

Katyazamo · 23/09/2017 16:35

My uncle (who I am not particularly close to) travels to Thailand alone several times a year. He is in his mid 50s and has lived with my grandad since divorcing his wife around 20 years ago.
It's suddenly occurred to me that he's probably up to no good :/
AIBU?

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/09/2017 12:11

It is no less abusive and wrong, than it is in affluent society

I couldn't agree more - and I'd appreciate your not twisting my words to suggest I feel morality is less in poor societies because I just don't believe that. For a start, the sort of extensive family support, self reliance and ingenuity so often driven by poverty can bring about an even more moral approach which we can all learn lessons from

What I am uncomfortable with ... and I'm the first to accept I may be making a rotten job of explaining this ... is the urge we sometimes see to lay our own system of morality on a different culture when it suits, while alleging "colonialist attitudes" when it doesn't

Painfulpain · 28/09/2017 12:19

I agree that there is a problem with colonial attitudes, in a lot of situations. I don't think it applies her. As long as we remember to condemn the men that travel for the purpose of sexual abuse and not seek to blame or normalize it on/for the people who are being abused

Painfulpain · 28/09/2017 12:21

I don't think 'colonial attitude' applies in this situation because; we are not talking about the practices of another/different culture.

The practice of sex-tourism belongs to western culture

araiwa · 28/09/2017 12:43

The biggest users of thai prostitutes are thai men

milliemolliemou · 28/09/2017 13:30

Painfulpain

As araiwa says not just Western culture. Not all sex tourists to Thailand, Kampuchea and Philippines are western.

Painfulpain · 28/09/2017 13:57

I have limited experience bof the sex industry in Asia. I have a lot of experience of the sex industry in Africa. It is overwhelming the western world that has created and maintain it

Painfulpain · 28/09/2017 13:58

Sex tourism, I should say

Painfulpain · 28/09/2017 13:59

The biggest users of thai prostitutes are thai men

It would be very disturbing if that was NOT the case

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/09/2017 18:19

we are not talking about the practices of another/different culture

Not exclusively, no - and this seems right, as it's important to look at all aspects of the problem while never forgetting the part western men play in it

Better minds than mine have tied themselves in knots over the age old supply/demand issue, but I wonder how much attention is given to the effects of Thailand's endemic corruption ... specifically the role of the police in a nation where prostitution is, after all, illegal

brasty · 28/09/2017 18:22

This is our own citizens going abroad. We cant change how a police force abroad runs, we can change how we deal with our own citizens.

araiwa · 28/09/2017 18:30

As prostitution is legal in the uk, what should the uk police be doing with uk citizens who pay a prostitute for sex abroad? They clearly have lots of time, money and manpower to spend on these non crimes

Painfulpain · 28/09/2017 19:44

Having sex with children isn't legal

araiwa · 29/09/2017 01:33

Neither is stealing

Your point?

bridgetoc · 29/09/2017 05:07

My nephew loves Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia etc etc......... First time he went to Thailand with his friends they were all boasting about what they were gonna do. My nephew quickly discovered that paying someone for sex was not for him, and he said that he could not do it, even though he said that he was going to.

He has been back many times because he loves the country, not for sex tourism.

OP...... Don't go making assumptions about people. You might be right, but you might be wrong. Keep your nose out..........

TheDowagerCuntess · 29/09/2017 06:43

Nice story bridgetoc - and well done your nephew (can't quite believe I'm saying 'well done' to someone for not using a prostitute), but I'm not going to stop making assumptions about men who travel to Thailand alone, frequently.

And I'm sure the OP isn't going to change her thinking based on one anecdotal anomaly...

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/09/2017 07:25

It's not all fat old blokes, either. When we lived in the Gulf I knew a young Brit - nice looking, clean and wholesome-looking, who went to Thailand regularly for sex - he was quite open about it. He once told me he'd only ever get married for sex and someone to iron his shirts.

He had a fairly regular girl, and despite all he said I think he grew quite fond of her. So he was very put out when he once bumped into her in a bar, and she snapped, 'You want to talk to me, it's ten dollar!'

He was equally put out with me when I laughed and asked what on earth he'd expected.

randomer · 29/09/2017 13:25

Anybody justifying is sick in the head. Just because a few Thai ladies are playing these fools and earning a few quid doesn't make it right.

whirlyswirly · 29/09/2017 18:04

Bridgetoc, I imagine what your nephew said is exactly what someone who is going for sex tourism but wants to cover it up would say. (Although openly admitting you were originally going for that reason is pretty grim in itself.) He and his mates sound a treat.

But perhaps I'm just cynical. Hmm

TheDowagerCuntess · 29/09/2017 19:07

Exactly ^^

bridgetoc · 29/09/2017 20:38

Whirlyswirly....... Your right. You are cynical.

problembottom · 29/09/2017 22:27

I bet she's right though.

Lweji · 29/09/2017 22:38

He's not going to admit to you he's going for the sex, if he was.

Most people who like to travel visit different places and have different experiences. Unless they have a very specific interest (say, mountain climbing and go to Nepal) it's not common that they go repeatedly to the same place, alone, for the food, culture and history.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 29/09/2017 22:45

My nephew quickly discovered that paying someone for sex was not for him, and he said that he could not do it, even though he said that he was going to

I'm pretty certain my husband, brother and son didn't need to go to all the way to Thailand to work out that paying for sex is despicable. I am pretty certain they managed to work that out on a theoretical basis ( I'm actually 100% sure but someone is bound to say "Oh you never know")

bridgetoc · 30/09/2017 23:22

Don't get me wrong LassWithTheDelicateAir..... I don't think my nephew has any moral objection to sex between two consenting adults that involves money. It's more that he found it all a bit sordid. He didn't pass judgement on his friends though.

My point had nothing to do with the rights and wrongs of the sex trade. I was merely pointing out that men do go to the far east without paying for sex while there. My nephew being an example. Is it possible that he in fact does go to Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia etc etc to pay for sex? I suppose it's possible, but like you being certain of your husband, brother and son, I'm also certain that he goes there because he loves that part of the world, amongst others.

TheDowagerCuntess · 01/10/2017 00:28

I was merely pointing out that men do go to the far east without paying for sex while there.

That has been acknowledged throughout the thread.

However, it's never going to stop me assuming the worst of a man who travels there frequently, alone.

I am going to continue to assume he's going to use prostitutes.

I may well be wrong, but I'll still assume it.

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