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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a single man travelling to Thailand regularly is up to no good

505 replies

Katyazamo · 23/09/2017 16:35

My uncle (who I am not particularly close to) travels to Thailand alone several times a year. He is in his mid 50s and has lived with my grandad since divorcing his wife around 20 years ago.
It's suddenly occurred to me that he's probably up to no good :/
AIBU?

OP posts:
Cinderllaspinkdresswasthebest · 24/09/2017 23:53

I'll just leave this here for those lamenting men who go to a well known sex tourist hot spot are just 'going for the culture'. Come on, perrrrlease.

www.google.co.uk/search?q=buy+thai+bride&oq=buy+thai+bride&aqs=chrome..69i57.6706j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Fatguy · 25/09/2017 00:00

I used to work with a guy who goes there a few times a year. He was quite open with why it was his destination of choice. He could get a girl and a room for night for less than you would pay here for just the hotel room.

HelenaDove · 25/09/2017 01:53

gotaspoiler how do you explain what a PP posted about her FIL refusing to date British women in their 60s because they are fat and old.

Its men who are shallow and picky.

HelenaDove · 25/09/2017 02:03

Men do NOT get their sexuality policed (although the type of men we are talking about here should)

Women are the ones who get their sexuality policed as the recent medicalised slut shaming from Boots over the morning after Pill is just one example of.

HelenaDove · 25/09/2017 02:04

OH CHRIST. Some of the posts on page 14 Sad

BoysofMelody · 25/09/2017 04:02

Sexist my arse, it would only be sexist if anyone claimed all men went to Thailand or slept with prostituted women or children.

They are describing a pretty grim set of behaviours that are perpetrated overwhelmingly by men (a minority of men, not all men)

I am not a victim of sexism as 1) I have never been to Thailand 2) I have not and have no interest in sleeping with prostituted women and have nothing but contempt for men who do.

regisitme · 25/09/2017 10:04

I've lived there and YADNBU.

The Thai girls who work in the sex industry - and yes, they start at school age - treat Western men as meal tickets. They convince them that they are the only one for them and arrange for them to send money monthly. These men then fly out several times a year to be flattered and enjoy sex which horribly objectifies and debases these women/girls (I won't go into details).

However, the women are not quite the flattering innocents that they portray to the men (and who would be after a few months in the sex industry being preyed on by fat, middle-aged white men?), they despise them and often have many Western men as their "only partner", juggling them as they fly in and out. Rest assured, they hate all of them.

If you want to find out more, read "Only 13 - A girl called Lon".

I can only think of one reason your uncle would be flying out so many times each year. Unless he's studying Buddhism and Thai (and when I studied Thai I was the only woman in a class full of middle aged white men Hmm) he's only going there for the sex tourism/thinking he has a gorgeous young compliant Thai girl who worships him, who he sends money to every month.

MyBreadIsEggy · 25/09/2017 13:09

regisitme you've just pointed out exactly what I was saying much earlier in the thread but the fact went ignored because clearly everyone seems to think every prostitute in Thailand is forced/trafficked/underage. Yes a lot of them are, but most of them are there in order to make as much money as possible from gullible, naive foreigners - they are very good actresses!!!
My MIL wasn't a prostitute, she worked in a more upmarket restaurant in Bangkok, but she openly admits that when she first met FIL (he was teaching English in a school in Bangkok) she just saw him as a walking wallet and a ticket to the UK!
(Thankfully they did actually fall in love, get married, had DH then came to the UK much later on)

PinkTiger · 25/09/2017 13:24

(and when I studied Thai I was the only woman in a class full of middle aged white men hmm)

Urgggh!

DuchessMinnie · 26/09/2017 08:14

True story- 18 years ago I was in Pattaya with a bunch of friends. We stayed in an incredible 5 star hotel and went out to the cheap bars and restaurants at night. The hotel was beautiful but there was an edge to it, and there were lots of men who seemed to have similarities- e.g. They were all covered in tattoos- not nice tattoos, ones about death and gangs and stuff. Pattaya was awful- every bit as sleazy as you expect but also there was a nasty edge to the place.

One day I was reading my Rough Guide by the pool and a couple of the heavily tattooed men were on nearby sun beds. I suddenly came across the section about paedophile prostitute rings in Pattaya, and the ringleaders were, yep heavily tattooed and frequented the high end hotels. Then I read that often they have their little fingers amputated as an initiation interview the gang... looked up and the men near me had little stumps where their little fingers used to be.

Not suggesting this is in any way on the same level as the middle aged western man and young Thai girl that you see ALL the time, just wanted to share :)

Andrewofgg · 26/09/2017 08:23

Men do NOT get their sexuality policed (although the type of men we are talking about here should)

HelenaDove; how?

balsamicbarbara · 26/09/2017 09:06

Men do NOT get their sexuality policed (although the type of men we are talking about here should)

That might be because despite all the keyboard morality police on here knowing various men who are going to Thailand frequently, no one seems so keen to report them to the police for some reason.

Andrewofgg · 26/09/2017 09:59

Report what?

Mr X has made several journeys to Thailand and I don't know why

What action would you expect the police to take?

MadamMinacious · 26/09/2017 10:32

Out of interest is it only 'fat' 'middle-aged' 'white' men who do this? No slim ones or young ones? None with darker skin?

Fascinating stuff.

I worked with a man (very old actually not middle aged) who loudly proclaimed exactly why he went to Thailand, which was to see his young girlfriend there. He even had a t-shirt with a picture of her on the bed wearing a short t-shirt herself (if this rings a bell with you it HAS to be the same man.) I was quite young when I worked there and I was pretty disgusted it has to be said but if I said anything to him about it I was shushed and told it was a shame, his wife had died and he was very cut up about it after it happened... As if that excused using another woman - I'm sure she had other 'boyfriends' but even so I found it hard to just accept. I tried to avoid him mostly. Ah, that particular world - there were some very interesting characters.

I have to say that if I heard a man was regularly going to Thailand I would probably assume they partook of the sex trade there, that's not to say they aren't fond of the food and beaches too. I am old and cynical and have too much information on this kind of thing so yes, that would be my assumption.

And FTR I don't give a shit about all the 'poor men being policed' and 'he just loves sand and elephants' posters because throughout the world a multi-billion pound sex industry exists because a demand exists and the fact is men DO use, organise and propagate this industry. It is grossly naive when this kind of thing comes up for us to not at least suspect sex may be involved. How is it with all these innocent, right on men around, the large quantities of whom would NEVER use women in this way (these much maligned men) that the sex industry manages to survive and be as big as it is? I mean WHO is using it??? Confused

brasty · 26/09/2017 11:17

If a single man, or group of men are regularly going to Thailand and/or Cambodia, then it is almost 99% certain that they are going for sex tourism.

balsamicbarbara · 26/09/2017 11:23

What action would you expect the police to take?

I'd say the majority of people in this thread seem to think they must be up to no good so it's the police's job to have a note on their file incase any more sinister evidence comes up. It's like if you suspect terrorism you report it same with child sex tourism

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 26/09/2017 11:52

No it is young professional good looking charming men to all sorts of men becuase so many men think it's ok to buy women. class and education doesn't come into it

BertrandRussell · 26/09/2017 12:07

" so many men think it's ok to buy women. class and education doesn't come into it"

Sadly, so do many women. So long as it's someone else's daughter, niece, sister.........

Andrewofgg · 26/09/2017 14:18

balsamicbarbara So the police have a "note on file" that Mr X often goes to Thailand and comes back again. Then what?

IfNot · 26/09/2017 14:35

Dont UK police and police in countries where sex tourism and paeadophilic crimes are rife share information on regular travellers to these places?
I don't know, I'm asking. I mean, they do catch these men sometimes so you would think there is some kind of database/network?

singadream · 26/09/2017 14:36

Yanbu

Andrewofgg · 26/09/2017 14:59

A man who is careful and avoids bringing himself to police notice there can get away with what might not be acceptable here. That's the fact of the matter.

Many things are legal in one country and not in another. I am told that there are restaurants in Kensington popular with Saudis living here and they enjoy a drink with their dinner. The British police will not tell the Saudis about it, will they?

IfNot · 26/09/2017 16:09

Fucking hell. It's hardly comparable! Child abuse is a crime in Thailand Andrew.
Wtf does "might not be acceptable" here mean as well? What an odd thing to say.
Going topless might be OK in France but "might not be acceptable here" .
Rape of children is pretty much not acceptable anywhere, is it??

neuronalmatter · 26/09/2017 16:20

I'm from a south East Asian country (not Thailand) and DH is a white British lad with a job in finance. When we visited my family last year, DH noticed how middle age white men with beer bellies often have young good looking Asian women hanging off them. To top that, he even noticed those Asian women giving me dirty looks in a bar. It's like saying, 'how on earth did she score a young and decent-looking young man?!'

Rolls eyes

Andrewofgg · 26/09/2017 16:27

No, but the age of consent differs from place to place.

In any event, it's a sad fact that actions which nobody will do anything about are in practice acceptable - or at least accepted. So if Mr X does nothing to offend the local police he is in the clear.

This is a country where any citizen can get a passport and go to any country which will allow entry. We cannot make going to a particular country an offence, and there is nothing to be done about where people choose to go. If you go to Schengen land and travel by travel (or pay cash to fuel your car) you can move between countries without Authority here even knowing!