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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not drive DSS.(13) to football training

404 replies

Blankscreen · 23/09/2017 10:00

DSS.stays with us every Friday night.

I just rearranged my working hours hours so that I can pick him up from the school bus.

Without discussing with me.dh has signed him up for football. The training for which is at 5:30 on a Friday.

I've said that not prepared to take him and he can walk down its less than a mile not at all remote and lots of children who live in our road walk to the venue which the local secondary school.

My reason for not taking him is that it is dinner time for ds7 and DD 4. DS does an after school club and is starving afterwards.

We get home about 4:30 and then I'll need to bundle them all out the door again to drop him off and tbh I can't be bothered.

I've deliberately not signed DS up for activities which aren't straight after school as it's a nightmare.

Dh keeps making comments about it. I said this morning that he's got a bloody cheek signing him up to something and expecting me to do all the running round.

Dh is at work and can't get back due to long commute etc.

I'm now doubting myself.

Aibu?

OP posts:
ssd · 23/09/2017 11:04

thats cos she'd do it for her ds, its obvious she resents dss and is pissed off with her dh

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/09/2017 11:05

Dss isn't the only child in the equation. Yadnbu. Life sounds far too hectic to be taking him as well as picking him up. He should walk and you will pick him up. Your dh is an arse for cowtowing to his son. He's going to grow up into a special snowflake if he gets lifts everywhere. If he can't be bothered to walk, he really doesn't want to go.

allegretto · 23/09/2017 11:05

Of course he can walk!

TheMaddHugger · 23/09/2017 11:06

Is DSS even going to like the warm up exercises ? Ours started with laps of the Oval

Lweji · 23/09/2017 11:06

thats cos she'd do it for her ds, its obvious she resents dss and is pissed off with her dh

I agree with pissed off at DH, but don't necessarily see resentment over dss.
It certainly doesn't help if his own mother won't take him to football either.

ssd · 23/09/2017 11:07

poor wee sod, no bugger is too bothered with him, are they Sad

Ilovetolurk · 23/09/2017 11:08

YANBU OP

my ds 13 would be lazy about walking down too he should still walk

However once it is dark I would be concerned about him walking alone in the dark
Maybe get there early for pickups so you can meet other parents and assist him in making arrgs to walk or travel down with others

SevenDwarfWharf · 23/09/2017 11:08

I'd offer to walk with him the first time to get him used to it so he feels confident to do it. After that he's one his own. A mile is more than doable for a 13 year old be he a DS or DSS. And you have a bigger issue really of DH signing the kids up that becomes your responsibility!

TheMaddHugger · 23/09/2017 11:08

@ssd
poor wee sod, no bugger is too bothered with him, are they sad

((((((((((Hugs)))))))) Are you ok ? This says more about your childhood than the OP's. I feel for you

RB68 · 23/09/2017 11:09

He would be playing football in the rain so a short walk before hand in the rain is no different - at least he could have a coat on if he bothers at that age. Def walk or cycle down with lights for way back or DH collects him.

Original poster
Blankscreen · 23/09/2017 11:09

So I should expect my mum to now hang around for over an hour because DSS can't walk there....

It's a pretty 50/50 split so I don't think I am being totally out of order. I agree I reckon it's because he's my step son and I'm.the.wicked the step mother.

I'm sticking with it I'll.pick it up but he makes his own way there.

OP posts:
HarveySchlumpfenburger · 23/09/2017 11:10

HTF is expecting a 13yr Old to walk less than a mile competitive walking? I've been on MN ages and I'm surprised this has managed to turn into a competitive walking thread.

If it's pouring the rain I'd probably offer a lift, but otherwise just expect him to do it. If your DH insists he needs a lift every week, then he can be the one to try and sort it out.

Gottalovesummer · 23/09/2017 11:10

I would consider what you would do for your own children. When they get older, they usually want to start doing clubs that are outside of school, which means later start/finish times. If you'd be willing to take your own children then I think you should take your DSS

Also, in a couple of weeks it'll be dark at 4.30pm.

Maelstrop · 23/09/2017 11:10

YANBU. We certainly weren't chauffeured around at that age. Latch key kids and walked home from school, over a while from aged 11 upwards. Why can't he walk with his mates like others are doing? I think your dh is being unreasonable expecting you to juggle 2 young children and your dss.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 23/09/2017 11:10

Sorry this should be totally for DH to arrange. It already sounds as if your DD has to be collected by your mum so that you can pick DSS and then DS up from school. If you have to leave work at 3:30 then DH can leave on time to pick DSS up from football.

Shocking that he didnt speak to you first about arrangements.

Lovemusic33 · 23/09/2017 11:11

Poor wee sod, no bigger is too bothered with him, are they

Really? He's capable of walking, OP has enough on her plate, either her dp should make himself available to take his son or he can walk, he's 13 and perfectly capable or walking the shot distance to the school?

I don't think OP has any resentment towards her dss (why do people always assume that step parents do?), she just doesn't want to do more running around which is understandable.

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2017 11:12

Would people be just as happy for this mile walk alone in the dark and sometimes rain if it was a 13 year old girl?

PaintingByNumbers · 23/09/2017 11:13

Oh god people mollycoddle their kids. My 10 year old daughter is perfectly capable of walking fifteen minutes to and from school, never mind a thirteen year old.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/09/2017 11:15

WTAF does your DH think gives him the right to sign any of your children up to something without discussing it with you first, when he isn't the one with the extra hassle? That idiot would be told in no uncertain terms.

The eldest is 13. Plenty old enough to walk less than a mile to football training. If he can't be bothered to do that, he's clearly not bothered about playing. If he's not that bothered then why that actual fuck should you wrestle two other kids in the car to take him? Beggars belief people are saying you're mean.

You've already altered your hours at work to collect him from school. If DH can't cope with snowflake walking less than a mile he'll have to alter his working hours.

It's nothing to do with him being a 'step' and everything to do with you living with 2 males who need a kick up the jacksy!

AnInchWasPinched · 23/09/2017 11:16

Does DSS actually want to go then?

FWIW, I would and have done similar (except the 6 yr old was doing the activity), all our activities take a minumum of 30 minutes bus and walking to get to. BUT my DC are used to having to walk everywhere as we don't often have the car (this makes a huge difference!) and I took the buggy for the 4 year old. I also gave them a decent sized snack before hand and just accepted that they wouldn't eat a lot of dinner that night.

redexpat · 23/09/2017 11:17

I wouldnt drive my own child a mile. Either he walks or bikes or he doesnt go. Hes 13 ffs.

hippyhippyshake · 23/09/2017 11:17

How about dh leaving work early one day a week (like op) to get home for pick-up? I would be so annoyed if dp had ever arranged anything for the dds and expected ME to facilitate it without any consultation! It's shows such disdain for the partner. This has nothing to do with it concerning a stepchild either.

JWrecks · 23/09/2017 11:17

I'd tell DS that if he wants to participate, he can walk it. If he can't be bothered to walk less than a mile, he can't be bothered to participate. Sounds like he really needs to learn how to get bothered.

If it's genuinely just a matter of "he would rather not walk it" then I'd absolutely insist he walk it. Suck it up kiddo, you're big enough to fend for yourself once a week now.

Lweji · 23/09/2017 11:17

Would people be just as happy for this mile walk alone in the dark and sometimes rain if it was a 13 year old girl?

There's alone and there's alone.

I would have been happy with any daughter walking at the same time and in the same conditions as I do my son. I want him to be safe too, so if I think something is safe for him, it would be safe for a daughter too.

YouStoleTheBowlFromTheRoom · 23/09/2017 11:19

God, some of the posters really seem to be projecting their own shit on you, OP.

Your DH has basically dropped you in the shit on this one. He's signed you up for a load of hassle which you either take on, or you refuse and end up the baddy.

I'd have serious words with DH and a chat with DSS. Perhaps all walk with him for the first month, then let him walk alone. If he CBA, he doesn't go. As long as that's how you'd treat your own kids, it's fair enough.

Sounds like your DH has form for expecting sth from you then sulking until you capitulate. Don't let your DSS see his dad getting away with that, and don't let him think he can follow suit. Gently but firmly does it.