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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not drive DSS.(13) to football training

404 replies

Blankscreen · 23/09/2017 10:00

DSS.stays with us every Friday night.

I just rearranged my working hours hours so that I can pick him up from the school bus.

Without discussing with me.dh has signed him up for football. The training for which is at 5:30 on a Friday.

I've said that not prepared to take him and he can walk down its less than a mile not at all remote and lots of children who live in our road walk to the venue which the local secondary school.

My reason for not taking him is that it is dinner time for ds7 and DD 4. DS does an after school club and is starving afterwards.

We get home about 4:30 and then I'll need to bundle them all out the door again to drop him off and tbh I can't be bothered.

I've deliberately not signed DS up for activities which aren't straight after school as it's a nightmare.

Dh keeps making comments about it. I said this morning that he's got a bloody cheek signing him up to something and expecting me to do all the running round.

Dh is at work and can't get back due to long commute etc.

I'm now doubting myself.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Blankscreen · 23/09/2017 10:47

Yes you generally don't get traffic on pavements and there is a footbridge over the level crossing where as the roads get gridlocked.

OP posts:
ssd · 23/09/2017 10:47

take dss and get the youngsters a maccie d's in the back of the car if they are starving

if you dont it just seems a bit mean

SisterhoodisPowerful · 23/09/2017 10:48

My kid walked that distance to an activity at that age. Ferrying a child for something which is a 15 minute walk is utterly silly. If it's raining & dark later, then, by all means, collect him. But a 13 year old who can't walk a mile is sheer laziness.

That said, your DH is a prat. And I'd be telling him so. You have 3 kids. You make decisions about their activities together so that no one assumes that the other will pick up the slack; particularly when it's already women who do so. I'd be suggesting your DH check his sexism. Christ, I warned my DD's best friends mother that an activity my DD does will be doing something amazing so she's forewarned to say no as it's a night she simply can't manage and I can't collect/ drop off for her. I'd expect at least that level of awareness from my DH (if not more).

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2017 10:48

Perhaps DSS doesn't fancy the walk with loads of traffic and a level crossing either.

Does participation in the matches at the weekend rely on him being at training on the Friday? DS's coach would only pick players who had attended training to take part.

ssd · 23/09/2017 10:49

so you have your mum who helps you and dss has a mum who wont even take him to footy.....

be the bigger person and see this for what it is

AChickenCalledKorma · 23/09/2017 10:49

If a 13yo is happy to play football for an hour in the rain, he's not going to expire walking for 15mins in the rain. If he "doesn't want to" walk, he apparently doesn't want to do football all that much. People walk a lot further than that without coming to any harm.

My DD2 also "doesn't want to" walk to and from her school which is 15minutes away. But that's mostly because she's a bit lazy and I make her walk. You are cooking tea. You aren't available to drive. It's a no brainer..

Purplemac · 23/09/2017 10:50

I think some posters are only saying it's mean because he's your DSS so assume you are being a wicked stepmother. If it was your own 13yo child wanting to do an activity that was within walking distance but was expecting a lift every week when you've got younger children who would also be inconvenienced, I don't think anyone would be saying it's mean to expect him to walk there are you pick him up!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/09/2017 10:50

DSS does.t want to walk there. I reckon it's a 15 minute walk

Can I ask why not?

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2017 10:51

Love that this has turned into a how far you can make DC walk or how far you walked as a child competition, and it being all about the rain. Grin

Really, you just need to have a conversation OP.

Original poster
Blankscreen · 23/09/2017 10:51

He expects a lift and can't be bothered basically.

OP posts:
Chocolatecake12 · 23/09/2017 10:53

Could you arrange a deal with dss where he walks there and you collect him? Or you will take him every other week?
The thing is that you will come across this when your own children are older - you will find yourself needing to be in different places opposite sides of town within 10 minutes. Juggling their after school commitments can be a nightmare.
Your dh should have spoken to you about it first but he didn't so you need to find a way to move forward with this.

JigglyTuff · 23/09/2017 10:53

She's already changed her hours to pick him up. I wouldn't want to give my kids mcdonalds every week to take a lazy 13 year old a mile.

She's supposed to pick him up at 4, get back in the car at 4.20 to collect DS, get home at 4.30 and then bundle them all back in the car at 5.15 and then again at 6.15?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Apart from anything else, it's incredibly rude of her husband to make arrangements that don't impact him whatsoever but will be a pain in the arse for the rest of the family

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2017 10:53

Has he said that OP?

Winteriscomingneedmorewood · 23/09/2017 10:54

Would rate feeding dc mac a lot worse than promoting a mile walk tbh.
If dss only attends alternate weeks he likely won't be picked for the games anyway. That's how it works here. Full attendance or its the subs bench. .

Original poster
Blankscreen · 23/09/2017 10:54

Pretty much. It's too far and he's too tired

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2017 10:55

YY that's how it works here Winter, v unlikely to get a game.

AlternativeTentacle · 23/09/2017 10:57

He expects a lift and can't be bothered basically.

But you are expected to be bothered.

He will be running around at footie, surely the walk would be a good warm up?

ssd · 23/09/2017 10:57

I dont blame him, my two loved football but couldnt be bothered to walk 15 mins in the rain to get there, I dont think any of the others did either

you are at a stalemate and you havent had answers here to 100% back you up, so you are going to have to talk to dh and sort it out?

surely if your mum helps you out she could sit with the young kids whilst you nipped out with dss to take him?

you seem to be making this into a bigger deal than it is, if you dont want to take him and dont really care if he misses his football just say so, but if you find yourself running your own kids to activities at 13 just remember how dss must have felt when it was his turn..

ssd · 23/09/2017 10:58

and you must have known, this being Mn and all, you would have been bombarded with posters telling you their 5 year olds walk 10 miles a day in storm conditions and never bat an eye.....

OverOn · 23/09/2017 10:58

I'd expect a 13 year old to manage the walk himself. As a compromise, you could offer to collect him. DD could be put into PJ's and bundled into car with a blanket for the pick up.

I completely see why you wouldn't want to do two car journeys smack bang in the middle of dinner and bed time for a 4 year old - never mind that it's at the end of the week when everyones generally tired anyway.

Lweji · 23/09/2017 10:59

Dh takes him on our weekend but DSS mother won't on her weekend..

Is that because she wasn't asked about it either?

Lweji · 23/09/2017 11:01

BTW, I was away for a week and DS(12) had to walk to and from his football practice three days, for about 15 min each way. He was fine with it. Because he loves his football.

alltouchedout · 23/09/2017 11:03

I don't think the op would be getting some of these responses if this was her ds rather than her dSs.

TheMaddHugger · 23/09/2017 11:03

He's old enough for Football, he's old enough to walk himself down along with the other kids going that way.

Chasingsquirrels · 23/09/2017 11:04

In normal circumstances (which this appears to be) a 13yo is perfectly capable of walking 1 mile to get somewhere - it would take about 15 mins, and if he could cycle even less.

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