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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not drive DSS.(13) to football training

404 replies

Blankscreen · 23/09/2017 10:00

DSS.stays with us every Friday night.

I just rearranged my working hours hours so that I can pick him up from the school bus.

Without discussing with me.dh has signed him up for football. The training for which is at 5:30 on a Friday.

I've said that not prepared to take him and he can walk down its less than a mile not at all remote and lots of children who live in our road walk to the venue which the local secondary school.

My reason for not taking him is that it is dinner time for ds7 and DD 4. DS does an after school club and is starving afterwards.

We get home about 4:30 and then I'll need to bundle them all out the door again to drop him off and tbh I can't be bothered.

I've deliberately not signed DS up for activities which aren't straight after school as it's a nightmare.

Dh keeps making comments about it. I said this morning that he's got a bloody cheek signing him up to something and expecting me to do all the running round.

Dh is at work and can't get back due to long commute etc.

I'm now doubting myself.

Aibu?

OP posts:

mumof06darlings · 23/09/2017 15:36

Tbh I think both the op & her dh are unreasonable.

Your dh - for not consulting you.

Any you - you are at home anyways. If you are at home st 4.30 - give a small snack and then have the dinner ready to eat after you have dropped your ss to football. Its not much trouble bundling a 7 & 4 year old into the car.

And yes I think your ss should well be able to walk/cycle aswell.

It's should be a give either way - he can walk when he he can and maybe every so often it's nice for him to know he can rely on you for a spin and as back up.

You sound like it's the same as driving an hr away. It's nice to be nice.

RTKM · 23/09/2017 15:42

In your OP it says he stays with you every Friday night

Then you say that his Mum won't take him to matches on Saturday when he is with her

So could his father take him to every match every week? Then go back to Mum after the match?

This is presuming that DSS actually wants to play football with this club and he gets picked for the team

Getoutofthatgarden · 23/09/2017 15:44

The people on this thread giving OP a hard time are ridiculous. What if OP didn't have a car? Would she be expected to walk her 2 young children the mile there and back, just to accommodate a 13yo who doesn't want to walk?

My parents didn't have a car when I was growing up, I walked everywhere or got a bus if I wanted to go somewhere, by myself. No wonder children are growing up to be totally helpless and entitled.

OP already said DSS own mother isn't taking him when he's with her...I haven't read one post giving her a hard time. The way people speak to step-mothers on here is a disgrace, horrible people on here.

RTKM · 23/09/2017 15:44

When I say "take" I mean to support him playing in match not for practice sessions as I think he should walk or cycle to them

Getoutofthatgarden · 23/09/2017 15:46

If your NT 13 year old can't sensibly walk to something a mile away on normal roads, you've failed them

Excellent point, I totally agree with you.

Tazerface · 23/09/2017 15:46

Wow SparklingBrook it's almost like you're saying my comment adds nothing to this conversation....

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2017 15:47

What if OP didn't have a car?

Is OP didn't have a car she couldn't even pick her DSS up from the school bus so presumably he couldn't stay over on Fridays, and therefore this problem would not exist.

MothratheMighty · 23/09/2017 15:48

That was me suggesting dad flexitime. Sarcastically, because obviously he won't as it's his wife's responsibility to work and care for all their children and the dog. Why? Just because.

diddl · 23/09/2017 15:48

"YABU, your stepchild wants to go to a club which is at a time when your dh is working,"

Does he want to go??

I think that he should walk, but if he'd like a lift the first couple of times I can't see the problem with giving the younger kids a snak & eating later.

Getoutofthatgarden · 23/09/2017 15:52

Maybe DH could work flexitime, finish early on the Friday and take his don to football

Omg no!!! The DSS is 13, he doesn't need to be treated like a bloody toddler! No wonder kids think the world revolves round them when adults are re-arranging everything to accommodate their every whim. If he can't be bothered to walk 1 mile to HIS activity then he's obviously not that bothered or interested in going.

MothratheMighty · 23/09/2017 15:52

Stop with the NT crap, my ND DS walked everywhere sensibly because he was not only more road safety aware than many of his peers at 13, he would also think it illogical to expect me to bundle up smaller siblings after a long day at work when he was perfectly capable of getting there under his own steam. ND doesn't mean incapable, lazy or needing babying.

Getoutofthatgarden · 23/09/2017 15:53

Is OP didn't have a car she couldn't even pick her DSS up from the school bus so presumably he couldn't stay over on Fridays, and therefore this problem would not exist

I'm quite sure a 13 year old can walk home from school without an adult.

FlowerPot1234 · 23/09/2017 15:58

Wishingandwaiting
But if he was your biological son, you'd do it.

What part of I've deliberately not signed DS [biological son] up for activities which aren't straight after school as it's a nightmare are you having trouble understanding?

noschooll4mee · 23/09/2017 15:59

You do a lot of childcare running around and I'd be telling DH to do his bit! At 13 he can get up and down himself .... less than a mile and people think you're mean not to be driving him there and back ! I'm a bit incredulous.....YANBU

FlowerPot1234 · 23/09/2017 16:02

Brittbugs80
But then the whole tone of this thread can be condensed into:-
Her Husband is sexist, borderline controlling and abusive man, her DSS should be kept at spitting distance and she should take no part in what he does while there, or offer to help or anything with him ever.

I don't know about us being on different threads, but we are certainly on different planets.

JigglyTuff · 23/09/2017 16:02

TBF, Mothra, not all ND kids could - mine has fuck all road sense. He is however not incapable, lazy or needing babying

InsomniacAnonymous · 23/09/2017 16:03

Bananasinpyjamas11 "No wishing OP said she wouldn't arrange clubs straight after school for her children."

No she didn't. She said "I've deliberately not signed DS up for activities which aren't straight after school as it's a nightmare." In fact, she said that her son already has a club straight after school "DS does an after school club and is starving afterwards.". It's the coming home and then going out again she doesn't want to do.

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2017 16:04

I'm quite sure a 13 year old can walk home from school without an adult.

Then why did OP change her shifts to pick DSS up from the school bus? I had assumed as he gets the bus the school is some distance away, also the bus stop.

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2017 16:05

OP said this-

I just rearranged my working hours hours so that I can pick him up from the school bus.

Lweji · 23/09/2017 16:05

But after the Rhys Jones case, I wouldn't let my kids do the same. I'm sure they'd be fine but I couldn't rest.

FGS, what is the likelihood?

Lweji · 23/09/2017 16:07

The OP also said it's less than a mile.

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2017 16:08

Well if that's the case I don't understand then Lweji. Changing shifts to pick him up from the school bus but it's less than a mile away?

Getoutofthatgarden · 23/09/2017 16:09

*I'm quite sure a 13 year old can walk home from school without an adult.

Then why did OP change her shifts to pick DSS up from the school bus? confused I had assumed as he gets the bus the school is some distance away, also the bus stop*

Oh right, I see now, you're one of the goady fuckers who wants the last word all the time.

Could you not work out for yourself that maybe I meant he can walk home from the school bus/bus stop.

Some of you people must be a bloody night-mare to live with. Nit picking and what-not over the smallest thing.

Sparklingbrook · 23/09/2017 16:10

Charming.

PaintingByNumbers · 23/09/2017 16:10

Two different schools surely, as dss goes to a non local school, presumably with a non local bus stop also?

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