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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That DP will miss his son's first Christmas :(

139 replies

Rosesandviolettes · 21/09/2017 18:40

I have to be a little vague, sorry.

Our second Christmas together, first with child.

DP and I moved far away geographically from my family but very close to his. DS will be under a year and Christmas will be his first one. My family have seen DS twice. We agreed last year that DP and I would have that Christmas at his family's house, this year at mine. Only now, DP can't get the time off work; he's only allowed Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, not anymore, as his job is really busy this time of year. Things with my family are very strained right now as they miss myself and DS very much, and if I don't follow through on the promise I made them, they'll be livid, plus I miss my sister terribly and want to be with her for Christmas, and my niece. He made this agreement before his work said he couldn't have it off (last Christmas). On the other hand, I don't want DP to miss his son's first Christmas. AIBU to go to my family as DP promised, even if he can't come? We just assumed he could but he can't Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosesandviolettes · 21/09/2017 18:53

*and the Euro

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 21/09/2017 18:53

Would you want to spend Christmas with his family or just the three of you?

You need to stay with your partner over Christmas. It's not right that you should leave him on his own and take your child to your parents.

ShinyShits · 21/09/2017 18:53

But you're not 'choosing his family for Christmas over them'. Your choosing your family.

They don't sound very nice.

I feel very sorry for your DP, having to wok most of Christmas and potentially you and you child going away. That's awful.

Nuttynoo · 21/09/2017 18:54

I think you have your answer then. Say no. You and baby will spend christmas at home and if they want to come they're more than welcome but you won't. End of. I can't believe you even have to ask the question.

Tazerface · 21/09/2017 18:54

If they're too pig headed to understand what you're saying, then arrange to go down for xmas next year instead and DP arranges better Confused. You and your baby are going to have many more Christmases together but I know I would have been heartbroken to not only spend xmas all alone but to be missing my baby's first xmas too!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 21/09/2017 18:54

A 16 hour journey in December with a young baby? No way!

Waitingonasmile · 21/09/2017 18:54

The fairest thing to do would be to stay with partner for Christmas and go to family a few days later. If your partner doesn't mind, then go to your family. However, this could be something that causes arguments and resentment between you two later if you do.

Jengnr · 21/09/2017 18:54

Two days travel? Where did you move to? Australia?

ShinyShits · 21/09/2017 18:55

work and you're and *your - sorry

MyBrilliantDisguise · 21/09/2017 18:55

Ask your mum to come on her own. When she refuses, say that's how you feel - you won't leave your family, either.

chewbacca83 · 21/09/2017 18:55

I have to agree with the majority I'm afraid. Dp is your priority. They will have to work around you. Can they come to you?

PotteringAlong · 21/09/2017 18:55

Fair enough, but can they fly? How long would it take them?

Original poster
Rosesandviolettes · 21/09/2017 18:55

Just to add in he would be with his family, not alone !

OP posts:
Tazerface · 21/09/2017 18:56

Why can't you fly?

BarbarianMum · 21/09/2017 18:57

Would you be ok with being with your wider family but not your ds? If so, do that.

ShinyShits · 21/09/2017 18:57

You are his family!

Didiusfalco · 21/09/2017 18:57

What does your dp think you should do?

Honestly - your family don't sound very nice to be insisting on this.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 21/09/2017 18:58

Tell them you're sorry but it's not possible for you to visit them on Xmas as DP can't get the time off. However they are welcome to come to you. If that's not convenient for them arrange another time to visit them early in the new year, or for them to come to you.

Original poster
Rosesandviolettes · 21/09/2017 18:58

@Tazerface medical reason; I did ask the doctor if there's no way I can fly and he said no.

OP posts:
StarfishSeahorse · 21/09/2017 18:58

I wouldn't allow my family to bully me in to seeing them instead of my DP causing him to miss his child's first Christmas.
Tell them circumstances have changed and let them react how they like. Your DP and DS should come first.

Original poster
Rosesandviolettes · 21/09/2017 18:59

Any way* not no way

OP posts:
ShinyShits · 21/09/2017 18:59

First Christmas as parents, those are memories you can't get back.

ProfessorCat · 21/09/2017 18:59

Your family shouldn't expect you to make a 16 hour journey with a baby anyway, at Christmas time.

Will your DP be in work the whole time though? So you'd be alone?

Original poster
Rosesandviolettes · 21/09/2017 18:59

@ShinyShits you're right, that's fundamentally it Sad

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 21/09/2017 18:59

Could you drive? Would it be quicker?

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