To feel unable to tell anyone we are "poor" now DH has lost his job?

[paislieprint]

I meed to make it absolutely clear that this is not a begging thread. Compartively we are still in a better position then most in the UK. If someone DOES PM me making an offer of money I will just delete it so please don't.

This is just about support for me.

DH has lost his job. The circumstances were difficult which means finding another job will be difficult.

Things we never used to worry about like children's shoes, food for for pets, haircuts and birthday presents are now a source of worry and negotiation and shifting things around.

I feel also bizarrely ashamed. Ashamed he lost his job, ashamed to tell people (who are almost exclusively middle class) we just can't afford the casual things they take for granted.

Op, I get he was fired, and I'm guessing when you say he's far from healthy you mean mentally, and because of whatever he's done and the impacts of this on him you doubt he will work again. However you're standing by him, and that is fair enough. I guess the circumstance are enhancing your embarassement.

Do you work, I'm sorry if I missed it, can you do something to improve the family finances? Can he get help to help him move past this? Get healthy enough to work in another field? Even for a lot less money? I'm guessing he was qualified for something, and is reticent to work elsewhere.

On the financial side you should not be embarrassed. I genuinely don't know if you should be embarrassed about him losing his job, as it depends on the circumstances surrounding that and the implications of you standing by him. But financially you shouldn't be.

Sorry OP, as many have said, a lot of us have been there and back. Take it a step at a time

Where are these 'credit crunch' threads? I'm interested!

Threenme I don't understand your post.

Just in case anyone is interested, it doesn't look like dh will be struck off. Which is a huge relief. He is still very depressed and low, but maybe we can try to find a way forwards.

Oh, that's a big weight off your shoulders, paislie

It will at least give you time to plan for if or when this really does happen, as he sounds pretty fragile at the moment. If you have mortgage outstanding, it would probably be wise to cut back on general spending, anyhow and make some big overpayments or even work out if it's feasible to downsize, if that takes the future pressure off.

On the practical side OP, have you looked at what you may and may not be entitled to ? I am assuming that if you were previously 'comfortable' you have never had to apply for things like tax credits ? As we do not know your exact financial circumstances it's entirely possible you aren't entitled but you will never know if you don't look.
There is a tax credit calculator on line. There is also a website called 'turn2us'.
Tax credits do not take savings into account. Only the income on savings.
They work on income and number of adults/children /childcare (if used) So if you are working and he isn't , but your earnings are low - you may well be entitled. You can look at the website in the privacy of your own home. No one need know.
The other thing you may find helpful is that many professions and organisations have work-based benevolent funds for people going through hard times. Same web site. Grant search or just put (profession)benevolent fund into Google. I know for certain that law/medical/civil service etc have such funds. As well as the trades via City & Guilds. All worth a look.

Do not feel guilty about claiming anything you may be entitled to. We are a civilised country with the wonderful resource of a welfare state. The welfare state is meant for people in times of need. Your family (You and DH) have paid in. He / You are entitled as any to use it when required.

Don't forget that if he has paid NI payer he should be entitled to a basic Sickpay (now called ESA) or Universal credit if he's fit for work but unemployed, based on those stamps regardless of means testing. (For a limited period) . Do not assume you aren't entitled until you've checked it all out !. You may be surprised.

Just forgot to say that when you do the calculator it will ask if your income has changed. You need to change this to yes, even though your income may not. If you don't it will assess based on DH income before he lost his job and you will get a nil return..