To feel unable to tell anyone we are "poor" now DH has lost his job?

[paislieprint]

I meed to make it absolutely clear that this is not a begging thread. Compartively we are still in a better position then most in the UK. If someone DOES PM me making an offer of money I will just delete it so please don't.

This is just about support for me.

DH has lost his job. The circumstances were difficult which means finding another job will be difficult.

Things we never used to worry about like children's shoes, food for for pets, haircuts and birthday presents are now a source of worry and negotiation and shifting things around.

I feel also bizarrely ashamed. Ashamed he lost his job, ashamed to tell people (who are almost exclusively middle class) we just can't afford the casual things they take for granted.

I was made redundant this year, the third time in my career. DH has been made redundant twice. You will be fine OP, and you doing just great. Like others have said, no need to divulge info to others and if you are asked about living frugally, just say you are looking to do more spending wisely.

Good luck, it will all work out ok.

It's a new and not entirely pleasant reality , and it won't be this hard and you will adapt and adjust

Some people lack empathy don't they ?

I honestly think that you should start to tell people and open up . It's tough to carry this all on your own OP

I empathise Paislie. My DP was sacked and due to his age and bring over qualified he really struggled to get work. He hit rock bottom when agency sent him to work in a frozen chicken factory. He worked 10 hour days in a giant fridge. None of the other workers spoke English so he could not even have a laugh about the situation. He did eventually get full time work on a greatly reduced salary after about 3 years .
I was lucky to get overtime at work but money was tight and I also paid DP' s maintenance for his other children. I did not talk about it at first but eventually told close friends who were very supportive.
You become very inventive and get used to using vouchers and looking for free days out. Meal planning and working out the time supermarkets reduce items helps. It is very hard but you will get through. Good luck

Thank you

Long and difficult road ahead.

Been there, seen it got the t-shirt. It's awful when it hits. Unfortunately my DH has an awful track record on keeping jobs and is now unable to work for health reasons, however my friends have never judged us, You learn to live on less, such as knowing when shops reduce their products. You will have more time with DCs as you aren't sending them to after school activities. So there are pluses to this too.

How long has he worked with the company for? He obviously can't put them down as a reference I take it when applying for other jobs? Is there any other previous employers that could be used as a reference in helping him on his way?
Sorry to hear this.

Not really a company. It's okay. I am being discussed elsewhere, bit odd. I won't come back to this. I really love DH. More than anything (apart from children.)

We had this when DCs were younger. Whenever it cropped up I would say ' we are tightening our belts right now' or some such and the conversation moved on. Only one person ever questioned it and I bluffed through it saying it was only temporary/cash flow etc and I was sure we would be back on our feet soon. 20 years on and we are doing well again whilst she seems to be struggling.

I get how you're feeling OP.

I earn a really good salary by any normal measure but still a fraction of many of our good friends who work in the city.

Over the last few years my husband has been in and out of work and I have also been supporting my Mum, giving her £800 a month which is obviously a lot but she has no other income. She feels deeply ashamed of her circumstances (worked 45 years but still 5 years away from a state pension, grrrrr) so I don't tell anyone about the money I give to her. It's her business and no one else's. But it means I have a lot less money than people imagine. (As an aside I also tend to find that people I work with assume that whatever I earn, as a woman, my husband probably earns more. they are surprised by a stay at home dad of school age kids in way that people are never surprised at stay at home mums. But I digress).

The thing I found tiring was casual weekend socialising. Others would always suggest pizza express and I was always suggesting sandwiches in the park. Or spontaneously dropping into Starbucks when we were out.

On the up side as others have said you can take some pride in your frugality particularly if you are not on the actual breadline. And when you come out the other side you will realise which little luxuries are worth keeping. I am in a good financial position at the moment but still buy an awful lot of Sainsbury's basics.

We put our mortgage on interest only to give breathing space. That helped the worst panic, and freed up a bit of cash.definately a good time to take stock, see what is important.
Most of us only a few paydays away from disaster, but a crisis is also an opportunity. Friends change yes, that also happens when your world shifts for good reasons, having a child, moving etc. Real friends will stick with you, you will adjust and something good may come of this yet.

Pancakes, you must have thought of this but surely your mum would be entitled to some benefit if she cannot work?

OP, I can empathise. DH works contracts & there is a varying length of time between contracts. The longest period he's had without any work has been a year It is so mentally & emotionally tough. He felt useless, we were scared about every phone call & letter, it was tough on our relationship.

He is currently between contracts again. It's been 6 weeks so far, but already we are struggling financially & feeling scared that last time might repeat itself. But we are tackling it head-on. He has got work delivering phone books, should make about £50 per day. Not what he'd rather be doing but he's happy just to be working! I'm selling everything we don't need & have made £18 today, so that helps too. And you learn to look around for freebies & bargains, you think twice about every purchase.

It's tough but it can be done. Good luck.

I hope there is someone in rl that you can confide in OP.
Wishing you well and fingers crossed that your DH gets a job.

Read this thread and get some perspective.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3039944-No-idea-how-Im-going-to-do-this

Pity worse than contempt. Give me strength.

So long as you're both healthy, there is everything to play for. My DH has cancer, he might not see our DC grow up. He'd give anything to 'just' have been made redundant but still have his health. Time to end the pity party and be grateful for what you still have.

Dh is far from healthy.

I am aware many people are struggling. What do people want me to say? We have more than 63p so I will stfu.

Maybe I should have posted a sob story bu I was trying to discourage "where are you op?" type posts.

And I am sorry for your H. I really am. Mine has not been made redundant however and to come on this thread and try and "shame" me is unpleasant.

Why MrsM, you sound just lovely

Part of the way you're feeling now is probably partly the shock, OP. It's almost like a bereavement, in some ways. It'll take a while to get over that to the point where you can think clearly.

Is there any chance you may be entitled to tax credits or housing benefit now that you're on one income? You can use an online benefit checker to find out.

There's loads of practical advice online on how to cut outgoings and, although it's tough, managing on a low income is a great skill to have. And DH will have the time to make healthy meals from scratch!

No-one needs to know why he's lost his job, redundancy is so common these days that no-one would bat an eyelid if you gave that as a reason.

Really sorry you're having to go through this, but you sound very resilient and I'm sure you'll manage fine.

Op, I've been where you are, and it is difficult. You have my sympathy.

Ignore the unhelpful comments and focus on the helpful ones.

My advice would be to try not to let worry dominate your thoughts. There are lots of positive actions you can make in your life that will help now, and that are good habits to adopt for the future too. All previous advice is good - free activities, cheap supermarket deals, selling stuff.

Mrs m do I take it you have offered your assistance to the lady in the 62p thread?

Shit happens. Most people are a paycheque or 2 away from poverty, I know I certainly am. Please talk to your friends though, you never know who may know someone who can help you or DP back into work. I know of my friend came to me it a situation like this I could point them into various directions and pull a few strings to help!