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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ditch NCT?

133 replies

Hollyhop17 · 21/09/2017 14:29

I had my pfb 11 weeks ago. We are pretty isolated where we live, no family close by, so I did NCT to get some mum friends close by.

There are 8 of us and I am the only one who had a section and the only one who isn't bfing anymore. In general they are quite rude/insensitive as all they talk about is either bfings or their labour stories which obviously I can't join in.

My section was due to a breech and I tried really hard for 3 weeks to bf but I couldnt. After hyperemesis I just didn't have the mental capacity to carry on.

The final straw has come today. Ive got a bad cold and asked if anyone else had been ill since giving birth and if they had any tips for avoiding passing it on. The immediate, smug, response I got was 'breastfes babies dont get ill'. Making me feel guilty all over again.

I am deaperate for local friends so dont want to cut my nose off to spite my face but this group just generally make me feel bad about myself.

AIBU to take a step back from the group?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/09/2017 14:30

Life is too short for that crap, I would just ditch them, they sound smug and obsessed, who know they might have a c section next time, and have difficulties bf.

8DaysAWeek · 21/09/2017 14:32

They sound horrid. I wouldn't waste any more time with them. Hopefully there's other baby groups you can join who are less up themselves.

TurnipCake · 21/09/2017 14:38

Ditch and move on.

The only thing you have in common is that you had babies around about a similar time. You may be isolated geographically, but this lot will further those feelings of isolation with their Olympic parenting.

Original poster
Hollyhop17 · 21/09/2017 14:41

Thanks all. That's what I thought. It's so disappointing it hasn't worked out.

OP posts:
AuntLydia · 21/09/2017 14:41

They sound like dicks. And they're wrong. My breastfed babies got colds - one straight away at like 1 week old! In fact one even got chicken pox at 5 months. Are there any other groups locally?

Laiste · 21/09/2017 14:41

Ditch them OP. Go down to your local sure start center (if yours hasn't closed) or check out some local baby groups - village library, baby swim, baby yoga, MN local ect. to see if there's anything else you can join instead.

My NCT group ran a 'coffee and chat' group open to all NCT members past and present. Same venue as the pre natal meetings. Maybe yours has similar? It will be a different collection of women.

If it's any comfort i drifted away from my group about 3 months after DD was born. The rest of the group were ok'ish - but they all lived in posh houses in big posh estates and their talk was all centered on holidays and the pro's and con's of their new cars. I was strapped for cash in a rented house in a little village no one had ever heard of a fair drive away from them. Not their fault obviously, but i felt like a poor cousin. Felt better once i'd bowed out.

Flowers
MagicMoneyTree · 21/09/2017 14:42

She'll soon learn that breastfed babies do get ill. They sound dull. I did NCT and the feeding/labour stories stopped after catch up number one. After that no-one gave a shit. Have a look for groups or classes nearby and I'm sure you'll find some normal friends in no time xx

GemmaCollinsBabes · 21/09/2017 14:42

Breastfed babies don't get sick?
I hope they never have to find out for themselves but they are wrong.

Ditch them.
Have a look at baby classes and I've heard good things about Netmums local pages for meeting up with groups.

Goldfishshoals · 21/09/2017 14:43

'breastfes babies dont get ill'

My entirely breastfed baby got the most horrendous cold at 3 weeks. And another one at 4 months. And a vomit bug at 5 months...

If I were you I'd be tempted to stick with them just so the first time they complain about the little darlings projectile vomiting etc (which will happen, I assure you) you can be all 'but I thought breastfed babies don't get I'll?' at them.

But more seriously, you go to these groups to try to meet like minded people. If you're not getting on with these ones chalk it up to experience and move on.

LastOneDancing · 21/09/2017 14:44

If they're breastfeeding they're going to talk about it with other breastfeeding mums, it's very all consuming (rightly or wrongly) and its the only place you can discuss it tbh.
You mentioned feeling guilty (which you absolutely do not need to feel) so maybe its not good to surround yourself by it?

Are there any library music groups or baby swimming/signing things you can try instead?
Or are there any less dickish members of the group you could ask round for a cuppa on their own?

BF babies def do get colds by the way - and they're a bloody nightmare to feed, so smug mum might be eating her words Wink

piglet81 · 21/09/2017 14:45

They sound horrible and you'd be better off without them. Hope you meet some nicer mums another way!

Acidophilus · 21/09/2017 14:46

I think I would reply to that message saying:

"I feel horrid having read that. I am really trying here. I really hoped we would be a group that could help each other through these first months no matter what."

Then just leave it. You may find some of them message you sympathetically and review their behaviour. If they don't then dump them.

BellyBean · 21/09/2017 14:46

My ebf baby got a cold at 10 days old. That was fun.

Original poster
Hollyhop17 · 21/09/2017 14:47

I just signed up for baby sensory, so hopefully that will help. I've just downloaded Mush so trying to be proactive.

Other people I know have made such good friends from NCT, just feels so typical!

OP posts:
PieceOfMich · 21/09/2017 14:48

Ha, breastfed babies definitely do get colds! And your c section is your birth story.

If meeting them makes you feel bad about yourself, don't put yourself through it just because they happen to have babies the same age as yours. I found that other mums are desperate for company in the first few months. You'll find other nicerpeople easily.

BikeRunSki · 21/09/2017 14:49

I also didn't really gel with my NCT group. I made some fabulous friends at the Surestart and church hall groups.

Check out church halls, village halls. Sports centres, libraries, guns, csoft play centres etc for other baby groups.

QuilliamCakespeare · 21/09/2017 14:50

Erm... my breastfed baby has had about 6 colds in 8 months. They are idiots.

ApplesTheHare · 21/09/2017 14:54

It's your choice whether to ditch or keep them (and take the things they say with a pinch of salt!), but I just wanted to say that you have NOTHING to feel bad about. I bf dd and she got colds ALL the time, had the worst reflux ever until we changed to ff, and has grown up to have eczema. All the benefits of bf are hugely exaggerated imho. Just loving your baby and looking after yourself so you can be a happy mum to your baby are the best things you can do Flowers

Original poster
Hollyhop17 · 21/09/2017 14:59

Thanks everyone. I take the comment up thread that they will want to talk about bfing together. But all the time? Is it not rude knowing it excludes one person?

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 21/09/2017 14:59

I'm so sorry, they sound shit. Try other things, there are normal people out there! And if you're anywhere near s. London two week old DD and I would love to meet you.

Namechangetempissue · 21/09/2017 14:59

I avoided NCT like the plague. My friend went and spent the first year of her DS life in constant paranoia and thinking she was a shit mum. I remember her in tears after one of her "friends" from NCT gave her both barrels when she gave her DS half a chocolate button when he was 11 months. She finally ditched them and was much happier as a consequence.

Rockandrollwithit · 21/09/2017 15:02

They would love me, I had an elective c-section and have chosen to formula feed.

Can you try and steer the conversation towards non baby topics?

Trampire · 21/09/2017 15:03

OP I hated my NCT group. I got arseyness from them for even having an epidural - you know, with my 48 hour labour and 3rd degree tear! I couldn't breastfeed either. It was shit. I ditched them pretty quickly. They also lived much too far away from me.

I met my good friends at a NHS antenatal class but we mostly got closer just meeting up locally at parks/each other houses.

We're 13 years on now and we've been through pretty much everything together. We still meet up for coffee and drinks regularly (without dcs Grin).

I reckon you'd be better off with local classes, groups and just putting out feelers. Please don't hang around people who make you feel awful. Oh and "BF babies don't get ill".......??? Pfffffffft they'll soon be eating those words.

RB68 · 21/09/2017 15:03

of course they get ill - they may have Mums immunity but if Mum is ill then she has no immunity to whatever it is she has so neither will baby

TheLegendOfBeans · 21/09/2017 15:03

They sound like a pack of cows. Who even says that? I'm not some slavish devotee to the mantra "women must always support women" but fuck me it's astonishing what assholes people can be to one another at a time when all of you are on a journey of amazing discoveries, feeling your way through the early days and probably brain fried from the shock of the new.

Look at what @Laiste says but if you've downloaded Mush and you've got signed up to classes already then - to be blunt - fuck those bitches.

You'll be fine x

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