AIBU to be really offended by this woman?

[buntingandstarcharts]

I am a teacher in an 'Outstanding' primary school (state). I am an experienced teacher (8 years teaching across Year 1, 2 and 3).

I am extremely conscientious, I take my job very seriously and I get excellent results, I have been graded as outstanding myself (I am very proud of this and it is relevant). My classes always achieve at least 2 levels of progress and if any children are falling behind, I ensure I create intervention groups in my lunchtime to support them, as well as send homework and notes to parents. I arrive to work at 7 am, work through my lunch break and then leave school at 7pm everyday. I spent the summer holidays setting up my new classroom and I spend my Easter holidays writing comprehensive and detailed reports for the 30 children in my class. I can tell you single-handedly about every child's Maths, Reading and Writing level, as well as about their home-life. I spend every minute planning, marking, meeting parents, creating resources, being observed, preparing lessons - the pressure to be an amazing teacher is unreal!

Today, one of the parents (who also works in the school) has 'reported' to me that one of the other mums of a child in my class thinks the lessons are useless, that I am a lazy teacher and that I don't challenge the higher ability children! She said that private schools are so much better and that we, at our school just repeat the work from Reception upwards. AIBU to think that she has no right to say this? I am deeply offended by these comments and am concerned that she is passing this around the other parents, you know how gossip spreads! I take these comments very personally, of course I spend hours ensuring every element of the national curriculum objectives are covered! Should I meet with said parent to discuss? Or tell senior management? Or just ignore? I have only ever had excellent feedback from the parents and so this is deeply upsetting, I also feel FURIOUS. Not only that, but her child is not a higher achieving child and she does not require extra extension activities!

AIBU to have had enough of teacher bashing? I love my job, so please don't just say that I should just change jobs. Just wish there was a bit of genuine understanding and love for teachers who care so much for children! (I have not mentioned low pay - that does not come into it!)

I think you're massively overreacting. Given that "She said that private schools are so much better", she's probably just a snob that would be saying this regardless of the teacher/school, simply because it's a state school.

I'm surprised that after 8 years of teaching you don't have a thicker skin tbh.

I haven't RTFT but my experience as a parent is that you will always find a parent in every class that doesn't think the teacher is challenging their extremely bright child. Ignore her.

I am a teacher too, so I get your point, although I decided a long time ago my personal life is just as important as work, and that working loads does not make me a better teacher (actually, got more Outstanding now than before when I worked more), so I stopped working late evenings and holidays. Students still make progress and the Earth has not stopped spinning :)

In terms of your situation- I would ignore. No matter how much you do, you ALWAYS get parents who complain or students who dislike what you do. If this parent prefers independent sector, be our guest, they can change schools and pay a few thousand pounds per term for their dream education.

The parent who reported the gossip to you were very unprofessional- either it is an official complaint and they can tell you the name of the parent so that you can clear up the misunderstanding, or it is a gossip and they can keep it to themselves.

To be honest, I would not be happy with the stirring other parent who works in the school and would report HER to the Head. Teachers do not need the likes of her around.

I don't think that you should entirely ignore it. I am a former German teacher and always got good exam results, esoecially at A-level, which i delivered single-handedly. I was once informed by a parent, however, the proprietor of the local corner shop when i went in to make some purchases, that none of my pupils ever got A at A-level! As if he knew better than me. Fortunately i was able to show him a table of my exam results as they were published in a handbook for parents and he had to agree thst he was misinformed. Teachers are heavily reliant on their reputation, as indeed all professionals are. That is the reason that firms of solicitors exist that specialise in libel. Just look at their websites and see what they have to say about the value of your professional reputation. I'm not suggesting that you should contact a libel solicitor but i think are right to feel thst you are under attack. Whispering campaigns can be deadly and people are happy to unquestioningly accept gossip, as in the case if the proprietor of the corner shop. In your position i would speak to senior management about your concerns. They might invite the parent in for a discussion at which you might or might not be present. You could then get a better insight into the parent's point of view and she will see that you take her attack on your professional reputation seriously.

Smudge, the difficulty with that is that the teacher (OP) heard it secondhand from another parent who works in the school. It could be exaggerated, it may never have been intended for anyone's ears other than the recipient. We can't assume she is gossiping all over the playground (more libel!).

I do take offence at the woman who thought it important to pass on the info though. If she was really concerned, she should have taken it to the HT and not told the OP directly, but actually she wasn't concerned for the OP's reputation, she was just enjoying a good gossip herself.

'Not only that, but her child is not a higher achieving child and she does not require extra extension activities!'

I think the above is very telling. Why shouldn't she have extra extension activities? If you are such a high achieving teacher then she also should be streched same as the 'higher achievers' I can see where the mother is coming from.

Meet and discuss and make it very clear where her child is in terms of ability in the class. Remind her also about the school's stance on defamatory remarks on social media.

Googleit Presumably non-high-achievers don't need extension activities because they are kept sufficiently occupied/stretched by the normal activities?

It sounds to me like the person who told you this is the one who came up with it! It's quite common for people who want to express an unpopular opinion to couch it in "X told me..." language! Shit-stirring either way, and it would be completey unprofessional of you to address it on hearsay.

I think your work/life balance is out! You should have Intervention Groups organized by SEN for afternoons, not during your lunch break. Why are you spending every waking minute doing prep? I think you need to talk to SMT as the kids will have heard and I think someone needs to do a "your teacher works very hard" chat otherwise the kids will parrot what they've heard. And don't forget, they'll always be the Mum who doesn't think you're stretching their precious and that their kid is reading Tolstoy at home when you've only got them on ORT 3...

I agree re-shit stirring.

Are you sure she hasn't wanted to "knock you down a peg or two"?

I'd go back to the messenger and clarify if it was 'reported' to her i.e. You follow it up, or if she is getting involved in gossip.

If it's the latter I would remind her about professionalism and note it with the Head.

It's Gossiping Staff Members (who then aren't following policies) that can change an Ethos of a school.

Should have added, if has been reported, then speak to the Parent, for the sake of good relations.

OP, no matter, how hard you work and how dedicated and effective you are you will get this from time to time - a little turd suddenly floating in your otherwise beautiful swimming pool, and sometimes something rather more serious. Remember, the vast majority of parents and children will be so grateful for what you do but will happily let you go on killing yourself for them. The hurt you feel is proportional to the effort you put in. You HAVE to find a strategy to let criticism roll off you, just as all professionals do. It might be a state of mind you adopt when this happens, but also getting strength from finding space in your life for things that nourish you. It sounds like teaching consumes you. That's not uncommon this early on, and it's the kind of job that can do that so criticism undermines everything you currently are. Is there any way you could drop hours to give yourself, say, a day a week for yourself? How are you going to develop in other ways if you live and breathe the job? Maybe the strength of your reaction means it's time to discuss where you are going with the Head. No-one is indispensable and you do deserve to diversify and have a life outside work. You'll be an even better teacher if you do. (I know this after 40 years of giving my all to teaching through thick and thin.)

Best way to sort these sorts of people are to ask them to volunteer during the day to come and help out and then set them lots of mundane tasks "so that you have time" to devote to the children.... THey invariably can't as they "have a life" etc and really are not quite as committed to their children's education as they thought when put to work

Set more homework for her kid alone that he couldn't possibly do and when she complains tell her it's all about "challenging high ability" kids

Teacher myself, so I know how frustrating it is when you flog yourself to death only to be slagged off by some lovely parent or other. We've all had it.
Some days - when you've worked from 8 - 5 then staggered home and worked another couple of hours, plus most of one day at the weekend, it's easy to let it get to you. But don't. Some people are just obnoxious.
Rise above it and carry on doing what you do xxx

In fact, do this:
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Experienced teacher here. I dont know why people here want to be taught by a teacher who works 12 hours a day. I want my dc to be taught by a regular teacher who has fun in their lives, outside interests and energy and enthuasism for the hours they are together. Most of my education came from teachers who went off the subject enlightening us and setting a fire in us for life and learning. Ease up or you will burn out.

She sounds like my SIL. Thinks her children are outstanding academically when they really aren't.

Ignore her. Although it is very hard to do that and you do have every right to be offended.

This woman sounds jealous of your dedication. Ignore her, I’ve learned that you meet bitter, lazy people all through life and their response is often to try to undermine you. Teachers do an amazing job and you are all to be commended. I do think your work life balance is a little out of kilter though x

Yes, ignore and rise above it but also please take some more time for yourself. Working 7 am to 7 pm will not improve your teaching in the long run. It will make you tired and ill!

OP, suggest you ignore and chalk it up to unpleasantness. If it were a legitimate query, parent would discuss it with you/head teacher and provide evidence. Which you have, in spades.

You work too hard.

Everyone has an opinion on everything and everyone. We moved and stared at a new school that was popular with locals. I have almost nothing good to say about it - I'm comparing to the last school, it's nothing personal, it's my opinion. Where I feel my dc was being let down, I brought it up to the school directly.

Teaching is hard - you have many 'clients' - the management team, the kids and their parent / carers.

You are one person and there's only so much you can do within the system you work in. Chin up, carry on the great work, trim your hours and look nurture your own needs a bit.

I hope you sort it out if that is what you choose to do. 12 hours a day and working all of the holidays is tough going