AIBU to be really offended by this woman?

[buntingandstarcharts]

I am a teacher in an 'Outstanding' primary school (state). I am an experienced teacher (8 years teaching across Year 1, 2 and 3).

I am extremely conscientious, I take my job very seriously and I get excellent results, I have been graded as outstanding myself (I am very proud of this and it is relevant). My classes always achieve at least 2 levels of progress and if any children are falling behind, I ensure I create intervention groups in my lunchtime to support them, as well as send homework and notes to parents. I arrive to work at 7 am, work through my lunch break and then leave school at 7pm everyday. I spent the summer holidays setting up my new classroom and I spend my Easter holidays writing comprehensive and detailed reports for the 30 children in my class. I can tell you single-handedly about every child's Maths, Reading and Writing level, as well as about their home-life. I spend every minute planning, marking, meeting parents, creating resources, being observed, preparing lessons - the pressure to be an amazing teacher is unreal!

Today, one of the parents (who also works in the school) has 'reported' to me that one of the other mums of a child in my class thinks the lessons are useless, that I am a lazy teacher and that I don't challenge the higher ability children! She said that private schools are so much better and that we, at our school just repeat the work from Reception upwards. AIBU to think that she has no right to say this? I am deeply offended by these comments and am concerned that she is passing this around the other parents, you know how gossip spreads! I take these comments very personally, of course I spend hours ensuring every element of the national curriculum objectives are covered! Should I meet with said parent to discuss? Or tell senior management? Or just ignore? I have only ever had excellent feedback from the parents and so this is deeply upsetting, I also feel FURIOUS. Not only that, but her child is not a higher achieving child and she does not require extra extension activities!

AIBU to have had enough of teacher bashing? I love my job, so please don't just say that I should just change jobs. Just wish there was a bit of genuine understanding and love for teachers who care so much for children! (I have not mentioned low pay - that does not come into it!)

You need to rise above it you know you are a good teacher and can see that in the childrens results. My Mum is a headteacher, which is why I could never go into teaching! Some of the parents are honestly something else at her school.

I'd be wondering why the parent that works in the school felt the need to report this to you?

Gosh i wish you taught my children!

Take no notice, there will always be gossip. Like others have said I'd query the motive of the person who told you.

Remember to take breaks too!

OP - can I ask why you're still referring to 'levels', since they were abolished a couple of years ago now? (sorry if I'm assuming you're in England)

Unless you're using it as a shorthand for whatever progress measure you're using, but I'm just quite surprised to hear an 'Outstanding' teacher use the word 'levels' these days.

OP - often the feeling of parents about a school depends on things not actually going on in the classroom.

I am an ex teacher, and a parent and governor. Our school has been outstanding since we started there, and my kids have had great teachers etc. When we started we had an amazing head who really made the school good, BUT she had crap parent skills (to be fair when she started at the school she was breaking up fights between parents in the playground, and she turned the school around)

She didn't have kids herself and was really defensive to all parents if you needed to talk to her. A sort of closed ranks attitude.
There was a huge amount of playground mutterings all the time, disgruntled parents, quick to take offense, quick to complain etc.

But the teaching and school experience for kids was first class.

Then new head took over. As governors we quickly said we would like to work on communication between school and parents. Head totally got it, (she has her own kids) massive change over next 6 months, parents invited in to help readers, to meet teachers. Parents given event dates well in advance, parents listened to etc.

Teaching and school experience still good, nothing actually changed in terms of kids experience of school. But over that year the playground mutterings stopped, the number of complaints fell to zero, parents working with teachers instead of taking offense.

My point is, that the experience of parents at a school is sometimes not connected to what goes on in class, and if you are confident in your classroom, then don't take these muttering to heart

You do come across as both obsessive and a bit smug. And trust me, you can NOT tell all about every childs home life, and it's really very odd and OTT of you to think you can.

penggwyn - except the new NC doesn't correspond to the old one, so to continue to use levels is a miss match.

I had assumed OP simply meant she could tell you were the child was using whatever system they have

OP I'm like you (not a teacher but run a service business) - I take pride in my work and it is hard not to take it personally when there are negative comments. Don't take it to heart - we both need to develop a thicker skin - so as Taylor Swift said: shake it off!! Have a great day!

It sounds like that parent has an agenda, probably trying to justify how she must send her child to private school.
It sounds like you are an amazing teacher, I hope that you can learn not to let comments that are so obviously baseless get to you, and find a way to work so that you don't burn out. GOod luck!

The parent is a twat. You sound incredibly dedicated. No matter what you do, someone will think you aren't doing a good job. Parents have very little idea of what goes on in classrooms. The teachers that parents like and think are great can sometimes be not very good and vice versa.

Pengggwn - to add to what steppemum said, there's also a massive emphasis upon mastery of the curriculum. Two levels progress PER YEAR (unless OP covers four school years in a tiny school!) is FOUR times the expected progress amount, and you'd really have to flog the kids through the curriculum to do that, instead of using the whole year to make sure they have an really good grounding in the covered areas. I also really doubt that Ofsted would look kindly upon a teacher using a mismatched leveling system in such an apparently intensive way. (also if all children make two levels of progress, then 'intervention groups' seemed to be targetted at the OP making this superhuman level of progress rather than a rounded education - a child making just ONE level of progress in a year would be considered to be doing very well indeed!)

Levels/Outcomes are still used in Wales, but OP doesn't mention anything about that, so possibly not working there. I don't know anything about the Scottish system.

Something doesn't add up - I guess the OP must be using something else called levels, because the situation described above just doesn't work with the old NC levels.

OP, you can't please everyone all of the time. Just relax and keep enjoying what you do. It sounds as if you have been in school environments for long enough to know that there will always be those parents (the ones that are never happy and who love to have a good whinge, whichever school they send their kids). Unless they follow school policy and proactively approach you about their problems, then it remains hearsay and none of your business. If it still bugs you, mention it lightly to your HT with the suggestion of reminding parents how the policy works in the next newsletter or whatever your school uses to communicate.

Develop a thick skin, and just smile and wave 🙂

I wouldn't worry about this too much, as others have said. Your results speak for themselves. However, if it carries on bothering you, maybe have a casual chat to whoever is senior to you and see what their take on it is.

Gossip is exactly what it is though isn't it, and it's not worth a second of worrying over.
Yes some parents will listen and pass it around. It doesn't mean they agree though, they might well be thinking oh here we go, x is off again. I know plenty of parents who whinge about stuff, mostly I ignore as I don't share their opinion and mostly I ignore because they will whinge but never address the issues by seeing the teacher. So if they won't even discuss it with the school, it can't be that much of an issue for them.

Ignore this gossip. You can't control that, just stick with what you are doing and your results will do the talking.
My year 3 daughter has an exceptional teacher, but there are other mothers that choose to bitch about her. It says more about them than it does about the teacher.
Stay strong, there are bitches everywhere. Rise above it.

Of course she has a right to make those comments - last time I looked this wasnt a police state run by you.

But there's not a lot you can do about it, she is probably warming up to justifying spending £10k a year on private school in the hope her average child will do better.

Teachers have to put up with this nonsense from parents all the time - they will say anything to avoid the conclusion that their child ain't that bright, or worse still, could have been if they themselves had put in a bit more effort. My mum is a teacher, and she finds that usually the biggest trouble makers are the ones who end up crying in her office because underneath it all there is some horrible personal problem.

Invite her in to discuss her concerns and show her loads of sympathy - I bet it will all come out in floods then.

Sorry to be blunt but if you're in this for the long haul, you can't keep it up and you shouldn't have to.
Workaholics make life harder for all staff.

Pengggwn - I didn't say that Ofsted would judge her on mastery, but that the apparently intensive push through whatever levels she is using seems extreme to me. And I know that teachers don't work in an individual bubble for assessment systems! (background - I work for a company supplying assessment systems to schools, and in fact worked upon the design of one of the Welsh national assessments. I have worked with and trained hundreds of teachers - literally - and I know that most of them would be VERY interested in a system that achieved uniform two levels progress. Or they'd just laugh.). If it is based upon the old levels, then surely you must agree that TWO LEVELS A YEAR is extreme?

Anyway, OP - ignore the comments from the parent. You can't please everyone. And I am now dying to know what system you're using.

teaching is a tough game - the numbers are always against you - you've got 30 children for whom their DC is their utmost concern, and they want an optimal outcome for every single child (as do you, I'm sure), but you're never going to win glowing feedback from every single parent.

Shrug it off - your results speak for themselves as others have pointed out.

You're working far far too much and too long hours. Take a step back, and consider why this bothers you so much. Your whole life can't be school, even as you may feel pressured for it to be so.
Also, I find teachers who claim to know about all their pupils home-life quite creepy.