AIBU to be really offended by this woman?

[buntingandstarcharts]

I am a teacher in an 'Outstanding' primary school (state). I am an experienced teacher (8 years teaching across Year 1, 2 and 3).

I am extremely conscientious, I take my job very seriously and I get excellent results, I have been graded as outstanding myself (I am very proud of this and it is relevant). My classes always achieve at least 2 levels of progress and if any children are falling behind, I ensure I create intervention groups in my lunchtime to support them, as well as send homework and notes to parents. I arrive to work at 7 am, work through my lunch break and then leave school at 7pm everyday. I spent the summer holidays setting up my new classroom and I spend my Easter holidays writing comprehensive and detailed reports for the 30 children in my class. I can tell you single-handedly about every child's Maths, Reading and Writing level, as well as about their home-life. I spend every minute planning, marking, meeting parents, creating resources, being observed, preparing lessons - the pressure to be an amazing teacher is unreal!

Today, one of the parents (who also works in the school) has 'reported' to me that one of the other mums of a child in my class thinks the lessons are useless, that I am a lazy teacher and that I don't challenge the higher ability children! She said that private schools are so much better and that we, at our school just repeat the work from Reception upwards. AIBU to think that she has no right to say this? I am deeply offended by these comments and am concerned that she is passing this around the other parents, you know how gossip spreads! I take these comments very personally, of course I spend hours ensuring every element of the national curriculum objectives are covered! Should I meet with said parent to discuss? Or tell senior management? Or just ignore? I have only ever had excellent feedback from the parents and so this is deeply upsetting, I also feel FURIOUS. Not only that, but her child is not a higher achieving child and she does not require extra extension activities!

AIBU to have had enough of teacher bashing? I love my job, so please don't just say that I should just change jobs. Just wish there was a bit of genuine understanding and love for teachers who care so much for children! (I have not mentioned low pay - that does not come into it!)

Interesting that I'm not the only one on the thread concerned about your enthusiasm for knowing the childrens' home lives. You're meant to be teaching them nothing else.

If she thinks that private schools are so much better maybe its time she stopped bashing the one that her child does attend and send her to a private school. As someone up thread said, maybe she is considering this and just putting it out there early so she can justify the move to her friends/ relatives or whatever, knowing that there maybe a bit of jealousy if she did do this.
I dont know, its sad that teachers have such a bad time of it all round. Its this type of behaviour and attitude that drives people away from teaching and into other jobs.

Nothing to do with paranoia. Of course you learn a few things, but OP thinks a)she knows ALL about every child in her class and b) that this makes her a spectacular teacher somehow.

We don't do levels. We use the term 'levels' or 'steps' or sub levels across the school to refer to steps of progress in our new assessment scheme.

There are always parents who feel the grass is greener in private schools and that state schooling doesn't stretch kids. ( I might even be one of them at times..)

You as an individual can never satisfy those needs/ allay those fears: it's not you it's the system.

Quite why she then shares this and more personal digs with a staff member is beyond me, maybe she's near the edge of swapping schools and a bit fraught? Then why would that staff member pass the gossip and (upset!) on?

Someone has set out to wind you up. Don't take offence, it's a waste of emotional effort imo. It's life, sadly, and you are operating professionally to the best of your abilities. Hold your head high.

I pray my children will get teachers like you!
There are always parents who think they've got a child who makes Einstein look average though, just nobody can see it because the terrible teacher doesn't challenge them enough. Ignore it. Other parents will know she's talking rubbish.

The only thing I would take from the conversation with your colleague is that SHE isn't your biggest fan. Even if she was part of that conversation you wouldn't retell it in such detail to someone you liked.
Sounds like she wanted to take you down a peg or two. Do you discuss what an outstanding teacher you are a lot with colleagues? Or how you never take breaks and are the first to arrive and leave?

the home life thing - there are teachers who are blissfully unaware of their kids family situations.
There are teachers who try and understand the whole child including family situation.

I don't think that means the teacher is unreasonable, and I don't think the OP was claiming full knowledge, rather that she tries to be aware of what is going on in their lives, background etc, and how thta might effect a child.

simple example, I used to read in dds class, and one little girl showed me a picture in her book bag, (she had a LOT of drawings etc in her book bag) That's a nice drawing I said - you could put it up at home on the wall.
No, she said, I keep it safe in here, otherwise Jack will destroy it.

I assumed jack was toddler etc and we got on with reading.
I later foudn out jack was her older brother with autism, and that he dominated home life.
If I was her teacher I might think that some of that might be relevant in my interaction with her, and my understanding of how she was able to do home work etc. I might even find a corner for her to put up one of the pictures she can't put up at home.

You'll always come across the odd person like that from time to time... it's her problem, not yours. From what you'very heard, she's made sweeping generalisations about the way your whole "outstanding" school is run (obviously backed up with her phd in education and years of experience in an ofsted panel) and snobby comments about private school because she thinks her precious darlings are better than everyone else's.
Don't take it personally!!

I'd have a quiet word with her and get her side of the story if you get a chance, OP.

Ignore it. She's obviously one of those parents. You obviously do your job well with those results and one person out of many shouldn't affect your results.

I always check what DCs say against the teachers.

Here's an anecdote: "I told Miss X I needed help and she just told me to go and sit down". (He's autistic).

Me: "That doesn't sound like her. What else did she say when she spoke to you DS?".

DS: "She said. Okay. I'm busy at the moment but I will be over in a minute. Go and sit down please".

See the difference?

Can you imagine if I'd have just believed him completely and gone to have words with the teacher?

Be careful of the shit stirring person. If they have any concerns, I'd suggest to them going to see the head about it in future.

It sounds like maybe she is just tired of you showing her up.

You sound like an awsome teacher, I wish my kids were in your class. Its one person mouthing off, I expect she does not have a clue about the planning, prep work you do, and how you keep her little darling entertained all day, while she drinks cups of coffee.

Listen, we cannot please everyone. It will never happen. There will be parents who have incredibly high opinions of you, those who don't care for you, and those who will actively dislike you.

Do not take it too personally. I have had a pretty good relationship with all but two of the people who have taught my daughter. TWO out of six teachers. The thing I took from it was that my opinion of a teacher wasn't the same as many others.

The parents I knew who were taught by the same teacher the previous year thought the sun shined out of this particular teachers backside.
We moved not so long ago, and I absolutely loved the teacher my DD had, though many of the other parents found her too strict. I loved her! I can't say it enough.

Despite not particularly liking the teachers who I wasn't keen on, I kept that opinion very close to my chest. It wasn't something I told anyone else except for my husband, because despite my feelings my DD has a relationship with these teachers and I wouldn't want to hinder that. I suspect most parents would feel the same.

Just wouldn't seem right to pass judgement loudly about the person your child spends 30odd hours a week with.

My son told his teacher for a whole year that he had two younger sisters...she must have thought I kept them in a cupboard...surprised i didn't end up.on some sort of register.

Ignore her.

Set her child extra homework that requires parental input

You're working far far too much and too long hours. Take a step back, and consider why this bothers you so much. Your whole life can't be school, even as you may feel pressured for it to be so
This ^^
I didn't want to day this too much further up but it's so true.
I don't work close to the hours you do and am still an 'outstanding' teacher (hate thay phrase!!) who cares about the students.

Do your job, ignore her and do yourself a favour and start getting a work/life balance . It might help you gain some perspective. That's meant in the best possible way, but have you considered that you're taking this so badly because your life seems to BE teaching.

If I'd got that sort of gossip, I'd have a moan to a colleague about having a know it all and then move on.

To Be honest any job you do you will always have someone moaning no matter how fab you are. It's not exclusive to teaching.

Of course it's upsetting but you can't please all the people all the time! It happens to us all 👍 X

Why did this teacher repeat this to you ? Seems an odd thing to do.
Sounds like gossip. Unpleasant for you - and will be difficult for you to forget.

If the mum believed what she was spouting, she'd be taking her DD out and paying for her to have a "proper" Education at a private school.

It's always surprising what people that have no idea about what goes into teaching come out with!

Chin up OP, you know yourself what a fab teacher you are

So in eight years approximately 240 children have been taught by you and allegedly one parent has made some negative comments. Seems to me like you are doing a good job.

I second this.
You are doing a good job.
Don't let one person get you down.

It might be worth mentioning it to someone higher up, just so that if this person spreads any more nonsense about you, the school will have it on record that this particular parent is a gossiping shit stirrer, that has form for this sort of thing.

We have a fantastic teacher for my daughter's class. Another mum is not impressed by her but it is obviously because the teacher is not pandering to her child. She is a pushy parent.

The parent has been bad mouthing the teacher to other parents but most of the other parents seem to just ignore it, she's done this fairly consistently every year. My overall impression is that they know how their own children are doing and think she's great too.