New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?

[Rejectedwoman]

Posted about a few of my relationship woes. Met a new man 5 weeks ago. We have several mutual friends in common but we had never met before. Get on well. Hes been single 18 months. Is 15+ years older than me. Lives 50miles away but we both drive so.distance not an.issue. Been on two actual dates and met twice more just quickly after work.

Here's the thing. He seems to nice. Now in my defence husband who I am going through separation with I was with a long time. Almost 15 years . I have kids. New man been nowhere near them and will be staying that way for as long as possible. Exh was a heavy drinker, violent at timws, verbally aggressive etc etc so maybe I am.just not used to someone who is nice.

Second date new man gave me a bottle of perfume I had mentioned I like in conversation previously. What I am questioning is his feelings for me. He says if he is with someone Hes with that person and no one else. He doesn't do or want casual stuff which is good as neither do I. Texts me every day as soon as he wakes up and last thing at night before he goes to bed. Rings me once a day too to chat. Just starting to feel like he needs constant contact and attention from me. We haven't slept together as I really don't feel comfortable at the moment being physical with him (recent bad experience with someone who I went to bed with and then dropped me after I developed feelings so I feel quite raw and wary from it) I have explained this and he says he will wait, wants to make.it special for me, wants me to be happy and comfortable. When I ask what would make him happy he says as long as I am.happy he is. He just wants to make me happy and smile. But it's constantly like this. Every day him saying all this. Counting down.the days to seeing me. Constantly saying he wants me/ misses me etc

Am I reading way way too much into this.
Help

Bet he tries to persuade you to see him again.

I bet he'll reply "ah, you read my mind. I'm so pleased we are on the same page"

Just so - YOU didn't dump him!

Let him have the last text...

Actually that's an excellent text. Well done. You've handled it really well. He's opened the door, thinking you'd say no no be with me, and you've neatly walked though it, politely said thanks and closed it behind you.

Let's see what he says next, I doubt he will just let it go, I'm sorry.

Absolutely perfect text OP. Kind but assertive. Especially where you say that you can't give him what he's looking for. That's so true.

Will you still go to the event on Saturday?

At last! Great text OP. I am sorry it didn't work out as you had hoped

And I'll tell you what the, 'I've got something to tell you.' line is all about... It's so that you coax whatever it is out of him, so that when whatever it is crosses one of you boundaries, it is your fault because you insisted he tell you.

Fact!

Agree, he was thinking he was playing you, you'd feel insecure and then work harder for his affections. I suspect he will try to make you change your mind.

As a pp said, let him have the last text. Either ghost or just say sorry, no point in continuing this. And leave it there. I'd still go on sat, but just be distant with him, don't Get involved in his game.

There was a thread the other day about our favourite kind of Mumsnet thread. And one of mine is definitely the type where the OP is much more assertive that she would be otherwise (saving a lot of heartache in the long term) because she knows there's a whole host of mumsnetters cheering her on. Brilliant.

What did he reply with?
The memes were creepy.

OP, good text and good timing to get it in before he gives you his bullshit sob story to tell you.

Kr1

Spot on! Classic trait.

He said he thought the spark would come back and it only dies out if you let it. That he didn't realise he was being too full on but glad I made him aware of it. His words were the first 5 weeks were amazing and it's fizzled out this week but that's normal . (Totally at odds with what he previously said) and that was it really. Not a peep since

Everything you have said about this man has given me the utter creeps.
I am 1 year our of a 5 year relationship with somebody who started off like this, I'm on antidepressants and am only just coming out of the FOG of hell they create in your mind.
I wouldn't go to the event.
Sorry to sound dramatic but he is dangerous and you need to cut all ties and have total no contact.

I've bought gifts for people after two or three dates - not expensive things, stuff like a book we were talking about. Generosity in itself isn't a red flag but the needing you to match his level of texting is.... well... needy and somewhat controlling. It's like him constantly saying "tell me how much you love me" which is OK if you're five years old, but a bit much from an adult.

He's talking bollocks. Ghost him, OP.

Creep. Block. Make sure your friends know that they are not to give him any info about you and sack off your day out, no matter how much you've paid or want to go. It will not end well if you go. Don't believe him if he tells you he's not going.

Just tell him, that its over now, and delete and block.

The spark has gone but if you try you can get it back? After 2 dates? Jesus wept., that's how talk after ten years after ten years of marriage.

I think that last message really does start to flip this towards "stalker" territory tbh. I'm not joking. "The spark has gone but we can get it back" is such a wildly inappropriate thing to say after 2 dates that it reflects a really worrying and warped motion that he expects the same kind of commitment from you that he would if you'd been married a decade.

Please don't contact him in any way ever again.

I was briefly involved with a guy like this at uni. Very full on, quite controlling, quite detached from reality. I remember actually fearing for my physical safety when I ended things, he was that intense. Like he thought he was living in a film or something, not real life.

Well done for getting out of this early.

Block now. You've said it isn't working for you and ended with "I wish you well. Take care.", that is very clear. Ignore the latest one. He will keep trying to re-mould reality to what he wants it to be, and if it doesn't work he will try to get a rise out of you. It's best you block and don't know about it.

I would block, you have ended it politely, and he is neither respecting you or listening to you, its all about him.

Total flip there in his last message, which is good in a way as it shows you that you're doing the right thing and not just being encouraged by a load of us harpies!

He was trying to manipulate you into being ok with his behaviour and making you feel guilty and on the back foot. He thought you'd come to heel and start trying hard to make it up to him, and in the process feel like you can't object to the way he wants to behave.

I'm sure he's the type of man who will sit there whining about how 'nice guys come last' etc. But it's NOT nice to impose his extreme and over zealous view of what he wants his relationship to be like, irrespective of what his (potential) partner wants or really making a connection with you as an actual person!

I hope there really are nice guys out there as I'd love to find someone who genuinely is nice, but this man is not a nice man at all.

I hope your Saturday goes well, whatever you decide to do. So awkward as on the one hand it's not fair for you to have to cancel a day out with friends that you've planned for ages... but would it be horrible to go and have to contend with this man?

Reading some of the texts earlier before I deleted them all. One thing he said which I though odd at the time but dismissed was when he asked me if I would still give someone a blow job even if I wasn't really in the mood or if they didn't want to return the favour. Found it most odd. Strange one for sure