To be pissed off with OH & webcams

[GirlOnATrainToShite]

Am not asking to open a debate about the rights and wrongs.

I don't have an issue with him watching porn.

Found out tonight he's been watching live webcams - where you can chat with the girl.

AIBU considering I don't mind about porn.

I feel furious.

Haha. Ok then :) not too many opportunities there.

This would be a deal breaker for me. Porn, I could probably just about live with (as long as it wasn't coawrcive or violent.) but cam girls? No.

What does he say when you ask him why?

Wotabastard did you read the link YodellingMama posted?

It would suggest that your guess is wrong. The research cited says that 64% of trafficked persons are victims of sex trafficking (compared to 22% for labour trafficking). It also says that over half of all victims of sex trafficking are children and 4 out of 5 are female. It also says that the average life expectancy for a victim of sex trafficking is 7 years.

That other kinds of trafficking exist is no justification for watching and wanking off to girls and women performing sex acts that you have no idea if they have consented to and no idea whether those girls and women have been trafficked. Considering how hideously high the numbers of victims of sex trafficking are and considering how dangerous and bodily punishing most porn is, the chances are very high that your average user has watched a trafficked person. And wanked off to their abuse. And that includes the OP's partner. Which is why although the OP does not want to discuss this aspect of porn, posters are obviously going to bring if up - because porn and trafficking go hand in hand. Being OK with porn is, unfortunately, being OK with trafficking. The vast majority of people are, of course, not OK with trafficking so they prefer to keep their hand in the sand about the undeniable link between porn and human trafficking. And all that so that they can either continue to get their jollies without carrying any responsibility for what they are really participants of or so that they can avoid confronting or leaving their partner for doing the same. It's sick.

Porn is legal and I object to your accusations actually and think you should pull you head in.

You can keep parotting "porn is legal" as much as you want but it doesn't mean the women your partner watches in it aren't trafficked, coerced or abused.

He watched porn when I met him I cannot then demand he changes.

So did my DH, because as an 18yo it simply hadn't ever crossed his mind there was a chance these women might not be consenting.

Once I pointed out to him what I have pointed out numerous times upthread he was horrified and disgusted. He hasn't watched it since.

Well my OH was 34 when met him.

So if you said to him "hey DH, are you aware that many women in porn are victims of human trafficking?" he'd not care at all and he'd carry on watching it?

Sounds like a real catch.

Are you saying his offer is unrealistic or that he never intends to honour it? Again, I think the realisation that this is what he gets off on is what's depressing you the most, webcams have somehow made his seedy side, more real and more seedy.

I don't believe he would honour it and I don't think it's necessary.

But even if I didn't, is the logic really that watching porn is fine because many other things we use are also linked to trafficking?

Because people aren't stupid and know the reason for the fixation on Porn and other sexual 'services'.

Because people aren't stupid and know the reason for the fixation on Porn and other sexual 'services'

Which is what exactly? That we're all dried up sexually repressed old prudes who are just jealous of all the fun sex they have in porn?

**

What about women who watch porn?

So what did he do when he overstepped the mark in your relationship previously?

What about them Eamonn?

You told him that you didn't want him using web cams and he used web cams. He doesn't respect you very much does he? Mind you, addictions are hard to beat so maybe he does respect you but just can't help himself?

yodellingmama I agree with everything you've written.

GirlOnATrainToShite, like I said, I'm really sorry that you find yourself in this position. I'm not saying that you or your partner are OK with sex trafficking. I'm saying that he is presumably either ignorant of or in denial about the relationship he, as a porn consumer, likely has to sex trafficking and the exploitation and abuse of girls and women in porn.

But as you said, you are not his keeper and you are not responsible for a grown man's choices. IMO however the only hope you have of getting your partner to stop the aspects of his porn habit that bother you is to talk to him about the trafficking/exploitation/abuse in porn.

OP I think I remember a previous thread of yours. Was it your OH who slept with a prostitute?

Sorry if I have got that wrong.

And saying "porn is legal" is a bit of a thin argument. The porn industry is vast, much of it is legal and much of it is not. Your partner has no way of knowing if there is criminality involved in what he consumers. But even so, you are right, it's not illegal to sell or distribute films with horribly violent and misogynistic titles with graphic images of women having body punishing sex acts done to them whilst they are being called sluts, whores, cum buckets and all sorts of sexist and racist slurs and terms of abuse. Unfortunately when it comes to porn, the bar of legality is woefully low.

I cannot imagine sharing my life with a man like your husband. You have extremely low standards and continue to defend you acceptance of the use of porn. Well look what you've ended up with!