Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with OH & webcams

144 replies

GirlOnATrainToShite · 17/09/2017 20:54

Am not asking to open a debate about the rights and wrongs.

I don't have an issue with him watching porn.

Found out tonight he's been watching live webcams - where you can chat with the girl.

AIBU considering I don't mind about porn.

I feel furious.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 18/09/2017 11:20

"There's no difference. Both are vile and men who partake of either are complicit in the abuse of women"
Yep. And to clarify. This is not saying that all women in porn are abused or coerced. But many are. And there is no way of knowing which one are. So no decent man would use porn.

BertrandRussell · 18/09/2017 11:22

Yeah well. That's 5 names, Kung Fu.

I presume you don't think that your mainstream pornhub nameless female bodies are living the high life on their earnings?

Original poster
GirlOnATrainToShite · 18/09/2017 11:24

Please don't hijack this thread with a debate about the rights and wrongs of porn.

It's not illegal - please start your own thread about it if you feel that strongly.

OP posts:
user1480334601 · 18/09/2017 11:25

He'll be getting bored of normal porn and be moving onto the next level for thrill. Unfortunately this is common and why I think porn should be avoided in the first place.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/09/2017 11:27

I don't know I haven't specifically asked them. But neither have you Bert.

My point is, too claim most actresses are coerced or trafficked is ridiculous.
And whenever porn is brought up on mumsnet you can guarantee the "coerced and trafficked" line is normally within the first page of comments.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/09/2017 11:28

Answering you OP.
Webcam is over stepping the mark in my view. You have too pay for that don't you?

Original poster
GirlOnATrainToShite · 18/09/2017 11:32

He says he hasn't paid so I dunno if he is watching previews or something.

It does not make me feel good and I feel it's a breach of trust.

OP posts:
ChicRock · 18/09/2017 11:41

Meh, it's not a huge step from pre-recorded porn to live webcam.

I suppose the next step is paying for sexual service in the flesh, rather than thru a screen.

But anyway, seems you made yourself very clear back in May that any interaction was, for you, a line crossed.

He's trying to squirm out of it by saying that he didn't pay, so that's ok.

Me? I'd bin him off.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/09/2017 11:43

I thought live webcams you paid.
In some shows it costs to interact with the model but not all because you've already paid a fee too watch.

YodellingMama · 18/09/2017 11:53

Not every woman in porn has been trafficked or coerced

I never said they were. I said your average bloke watching youporn or whatever would have no way of knowing the difference. And I can't think why any decent man would be ok with that, nor why his partner would condone it.

YodellingMama · 18/09/2017 11:53

And a lot of webcam girls are also trafficked.

BertrandRussell · 18/09/2017 11:54

"My point is, too claim most actresses are coerced or trafficked is ridiculous."
But some are. How do you tell the difference?

Butterymuffin · 18/09/2017 11:55

He's shown he doesn't care about the lines you draw around this. So don't imagine he's going to stick to what you've agreed is acceptable in the future. He isn't. The question then is do you let all that go, or do you decide this isn't the person you want to be with?

EamonnWright · 18/09/2017 11:55

Can someone link up stats that show any sizable number of women involved in porn you see on the likes of Pornhub are trafficked?

Most women I know watch porn too btw.

Original poster
GirlOnATrainToShite · 18/09/2017 11:55

And I can't think why any decent man would be ok with that, nor why his partner would condone it.

Last time I checked I was not my OHs keeper.

I find your attitude incredibly naive and blinkered and did I ask in my OP for views on watching porn? No I did not.

OP posts:
YodellingMama · 18/09/2017 11:57

fightthenewdrug.org/the-internet-can-be-a-very-unsexy-place-we/

This is a good article for the doubters.

EamonnWright · 18/09/2017 11:57

"My point is, too claim most actresses are coerced or trafficked is ridiculous."
But some are. How do you tell the difference?

There are a lot of trafficked folk working in take aways, car washes, as cleaners etc etc...

Do you avoid all services?

YodellingMama · 18/09/2017 11:58

did I ask in my OP for views on watching porn?

You asked for opinion on webcam girl viewing, to which my responses still apply.

YodellingMama · 18/09/2017 11:59

I don't have a car nor a cleaner.

EamonnWright · 18/09/2017 12:02

I don't have a car nor a cleaner.

Do you regularly petition your friends who use these services? I'd guess not because it doesn't involve what your problem really is.

People enjoying sexuality.

YodellingMama · 18/09/2017 12:04

Well I do as it happens.

I work with victims of human trafficking. I can assure you the women I've seen who have been forced into porn and webcam shows certainly were not enjoying their sexuality.

But you carry on thinking I'm just a self righteous prude if it makes you feel better.

YodellingMama · 18/09/2017 12:05

And I enjoy sex thanks!!

EamonnWright · 18/09/2017 12:06

But you carry on thinking I'm just a self righteous prude if it makes you feel better.

I will, thanks.

MyKingdomForBrie · 18/09/2017 12:07

Web cam girls are acting too! They don't actually fancy all the mindless twats who tune in because they don't have the mental ability to find women they don't have to pay for.

It's just the same as the difference between live tv shows and pre-recorded shows. It's still a woman in front of a camera pretending to be in a real sexual situation, except they really have to carry out all the 'fun' sexual acts.

By the way - your husband 'says' he hasn't paid - have you checked?

I would not be happy with this at all. I'd lose respect for him totally.

YodellingMama · 18/09/2017 12:08

Does it really genuinely not bother you that when you watch porn you might be watching a woman being forced to do things against her will?

I know women who have been threatened with having their children killed if they don't comply.

But hey, doesn't matter as long as you get your rocks off right!!