To be pissed off with OH & webcams

[GirlOnATrainToShite]

Am not asking to open a debate about the rights and wrongs.

I don't have an issue with him watching porn.

Found out tonight he's been watching live webcams - where you can chat with the girl.

AIBU considering I don't mind about porn.

I feel furious.

I would be concerned him pushing the boundaries would lead to meet ups. .

Clearly you're not happy with webcams, and have told him as such. You've invented a loophole which justifies why porn is okay, which is your choice I guess, but it seems to me that you're not really that keen on it either. Tell him he's gone too far and you don't want him to do it anymore, if he does then LTB.

I would be concerned him pushing the boundaries would lead to meet ups. .

With who?

I don't get the difference between recorded and live porn really. All salacious stuff isn't it?

Everyone has their opinions on wether or not porn is ok, but that is not the issue here and is irrelevant.

OP's DH has crossed a line in their relationship. Every relationship has different boundaries and it's no one's place to judge those.

Eamonn, many of the girls with websites are available for outside jobs. You don't know this ?

What an arsehole.

You told him that something was over your boundaries. He didn't listen and still did it.
It doesn't matter if it's porn, a webcam or anything else.

You need a real conversation about it ans respect of boundaries.
You also need to be clear whether it is really unacceptable for you and what you will actually do if he does it again. Aka you need to actually be ready to leave him if it's a real no go area for you.

Eamonn, many of the girls with websites are available for outside jobs. You don't know this ?

Naw I don't use them. Are these the likes of the Jasmine pop ups?

Local girls who do webcams and rl extras. . Know someone who's marriage broke up due it this. .

OP ,
He didn't know that this would bother you. You probably didn't know either. Now that you know, go and have a chat with him. Tell him exactly how you feel and why. Hopefully you reach a mutual agreement and continue your adult relationship happily.

Ignore the messages telling you to leave him or calling him scum. This is a new 'boundary' in your relationship and you are working out how to deal with it. Goodluck !

I'd be cross about both. Come on, he has to grow up. It's not an innocuous open minded sexual distraction. For laid back happy couples.

It's an insidious awful industry and porn is addictive and damaging. Let's all stop kidding ourselves.

YANBU

judge I completely agree. I can see why you think porn is ok but not webcams and I can see why he thinks porn is ok so webcams are ok. Tell him you see this as being completely different and aren't happy with it and take it from there.

Tbh I know my DP watches porn and I also watch porn but I'd never watch it with him. Dunno why, tried it once and it just didn't work for me.

So he is wrong if he watches it live but he is ok if he watches the recorded version 2 hours later? Surly they are either both wrong or both ok?

It's better tbh. A webcam girl is usually solo so not at risk in the same way porn stars are.
He wouldn't do either if he wasn't a misogynist though.

If he hasn't paid then he can't interact with them so therefore it's no different to porn.

Certainly wasn't saying porn stars aren't 'real women' but generally there's no real interaction or intimacy with them & viewer. Can understand why OP would find this a step further / too far. As PPs have said, it's something for you to discuss OP with DP & see how you navigate from here.

Porn is actresses - fantasy

No. It's not filmed by unicorns.

It real women, really getting fucked. He is interacting by getting his jolly's watching women being fucked.

I cannot understand your thinking that porn = fine, webcams = not fine.

It all comes down to the same thing.

He is objectifying women to use as wank fodder.

Wake up ffs.

Really - well the difference to me is pretty clear and in my OP I stated I am not really up for a debate about the rights and wrongs of porn.

I can see the difference

It's not much more of a step from webcam to using prostitutes

I can see why this would make you uncomfortable

I can see how they are different. Dont agree with either but they are different. By what you have said you were clear about your boundaries and you partner tried to push them. It is pretty disrespectful. I would be very upset.

Talk together and see what the reaction is. I couldn't get over my partner doing this.

I am interested though in how you balance hating it yourself with not minding your partner using porn? I'm not judging you, just don't see how you can feel both at the same time.

He works away so if he chooses to use porn away from here I don't really care, I can't control what he does he's an adult.

He did overstep the mark once

Drip

Drip......