To be offended by my husband??

[girlingerrupting]

Skived off then end of work on Friday and got my hair and nails done for evening out with DH and friends. I got home in heels and a dress (sort of what I wear to work) and quickly changed into jeans shirt and leather jacket for local dinner.
During night he tells the other woman what a wonderful mother she is literally gushing. She didn't ask for it and isn't insecure. He has never ever said that to me. Then proceeds to get so drunk when we get home I just go to bed.
Fast forward to today I spend all morning ferrying children and cleaning (not been done for a while as I work long hours and DH doesn't know Mr muscle from his elbow). I sort out ironing then we all have lunch. Later he takes Dc out for about 1.5. I make tea and we think we'll have a take away and watch a film. I've done one dishwasher by this time. We all do home work and practice etc and then I put boys to bed thinking as planned he'll get us some food. I finish and kitchen a bomb site and husband watching rugby.
I complain and he proceeds to tell me that I'm lazy that he thought I looked like shit the night before (was I supposed to go out in work clothes? I don't even have much for weekend cos we're broke). Now the fact that our friend (wife) was dressed really similarly to me. And he gushed about her.
I'm just feeling really unloved. Aibu?
I just want to curl up and cry sat night now crap. He didn't know I was upset about the mother thing. I suppose I'm a pretty average mother because I work so much but I'd quit in an instant if he could support us. I feel really hurt. And now really crap about how I look.
Makes me wonder if I'm the nightmare why is he so horrible?

What did you say when you complained?
Calling you lazy and look like shit is unforgivable unless you usually both slate each other?

Hugs to you Girling. That's a shit thing for him to say. I would be very hurt too.

I said I was offended he'd clearly decided not to care about us.
I don't slate him am a bit paranoid about the male ego because I'm more financially successful. But occasionally he lets rip and I don't know why but I feel very unloved at the moment

Thanks for the hugs that's all I wanted tonight really. I Appreciate them.

No, you're not BU. He can fuck off!
You're the best mother, your kids think so too. Could the same be said about him, as a father and husband? Hmmm.
You'd have looked lovely on your night out aswell. Methinks he is projecting his own insecurities or inadequacies.

thats really horrible of him :( Wow. You are definitely not lazy.

Wtf did you say when he said you were lazy and looked like shit the night before (were those his exact words?)? Because i think i would have stood with my mouth gaping open, then told him he was a cunt and our relationship was now pretty much dead. I cannot imagine someone saying that to me and me not going nuclear.

Have some more hugs xxx

He sounds pathetic and intimidated by you.

It's just making me really miss my mum. I'm on a chat forum crying I mean where/who are my friends? Mind you a bit embarrassing admitting when you don't feel v special to your spouse.

Goodness, he sounds pretty insecure to me but mean with it!

You are not a pretty average mother because you provide for your family, sounds like you hold it all together which makes you awesome!

The good mother comment would annoy me, not as much as the doing nothing and calling me lazy would though!

Sending hugs and

He sounds like a total dick.

I assume he has won awards for his own looks and quality of parenting?

You sounds like you're a great mother btw.

He is supposed to love you. How can anyone who loves their partner say they look shit after a night out. What is he adding to your life

That's really horrible of him. You sound like you do loads which many of us do. But you work and aren't sat on the sofa doing feck all!

I told him how much effort I'd made and that it had been for him and that I just wanted an evening together and he basically implied I dressed up for work. I'm so gutted. I feel bloody ugly now. What's worse that your husband thinking you look like shit and are a crap mother I don't really know where to go with that. I was really shocked

Agreed, your not lazy. You spent most of your weekend doing stuff for other people/cleaning etc. and what magnificent outfit was he wearing on Friday night?

Ahhhhhh, he doesn't want you to dress up and look nice for work maybe? Insecure twat

Sounds like he is trying to knock you down a peg or two to make himself feel like the big man

Twat.

Oh you poor thing, he sounds like a total bell end. Tell him he looks shit and you're going to find yourself someone who deserves you. What a prick

I'd know exactly where to go with that. I'd also let him know where he could go with it too.

Huge hugs. I can't believe he could say you looked like shit. I'm outraged on your behalf. Wanker.

On another note, working doesn't stop you being a fantastic mum. Which I am sure you are.

We've had our moments who hasn't in a long marriage but I thought we were good and maybe even getting better.

He sounds like a twat, you sound bloody amazing! Hugs.

He knows that you looked good. He knows you are a great mother as well as a good provider for your family. He was trying to deflect attention from him being a selfish lazy arse.
That doesn't make it better, but it wasn't about you, it was about him.

This man is abusive. Yeah, it's the sort of abuse that comes from insecurity, but it's still abuse. There are men who choose a confident, successful, happy woman as a partner and then set about destroying her because they deeply and profoundly believe that women are inferior to men and need to 'know their place'.

Think seriously about getting rid of this one.