To be offended by my husband??

[girlingerrupting]

Skived off then end of work on Friday and got my hair and nails done for evening out with DH and friends. I got home in heels and a dress (sort of what I wear to work) and quickly changed into jeans shirt and leather jacket for local dinner.
During night he tells the other woman what a wonderful mother she is literally gushing. She didn't ask for it and isn't insecure. He has never ever said that to me. Then proceeds to get so drunk when we get home I just go to bed.
Fast forward to today I spend all morning ferrying children and cleaning (not been done for a while as I work long hours and DH doesn't know Mr muscle from his elbow). I sort out ironing then we all have lunch. Later he takes Dc out for about 1.5. I make tea and we think we'll have a take away and watch a film. I've done one dishwasher by this time. We all do home work and practice etc and then I put boys to bed thinking as planned he'll get us some food. I finish and kitchen a bomb site and husband watching rugby.
I complain and he proceeds to tell me that I'm lazy that he thought I looked like shit the night before (was I supposed to go out in work clothes? I don't even have much for weekend cos we're broke). Now the fact that our friend (wife) was dressed really similarly to me. And he gushed about her.
I'm just feeling really unloved. Aibu?
I just want to curl up and cry sat night now crap. He didn't know I was upset about the mother thing. I suppose I'm a pretty average mother because I work so much but I'd quit in an instant if he could support us. I feel really hurt. And now really crap about how I look.
Makes me wonder if I'm the nightmare why is he so horrible?

the inadvertent attention to someone else

Stop minimising. This cunt made up to some other woman, in front of you, and treats you like the domestic help.

Try looking at it like that for a while.

Stop being his mummy. He'd like you to make his meals, do his washing, care for his children while he shags someone else. That's what his behaviour is telling you.

He's a lazy unappreciative sod trying it on with ither women. Tell him to get to fuck. He doesn't really sound "good enough" does he.

PlasticPatty is bang on the money. You are worth so much more.

how do you make a deeply insecure husband secure?

Stop making excuses for him and tolerating his man-child ways might be a start.

Putting your foot down and insisting he does an equal share of housework, parenting and childcare?

What is it with some women?
Why do you settle for less from your partners when it comes to managing a household?
Why do you allow their male egos to take precedence?
So you earn more than him - big deal. It's 2017 in a first world country!
Why the hell do you allow yourself to feel guilty about that and take up the majority of 'wifework' to compensate?

Would he feel guilty if he earned more than you?
Would he take on the majority of household/parenting/childcare/mental load chores to compensate for you feelings?

Like fuck he would!
He needs to simply grow the fuck up.

All the crap is horrible and making me quite depressed as he still won't apologise but it's definitely the dressing up for work thing. He saying things like I never do anything for us as a couple ( mean I had my hair and make up done on Friday and had organised dinner out) which isn't true but what he means I guess is that he feels like I dress up for work. I had a work party that went on very late recently.
I wear dresses with heels /boots to work (although I normally have flats on to get around) and maybe that suddenly seems glamorous to him. I don't know why it's not new I've only be doing this job for our entire double digit relationship. I guess that confirms insecurity....
I feel exhausted by the prospect of having to sort it out when I'm pretty sure he won't even directly admit the problem. Eurgh.

It's nothing you've done OP, it's all in his head. He's just looking for excuses to pick a fight. Don't try and change yourself or who you are just to try and make him happy. It won't work. Be your lovely self and if he can't accept you for who you are and how you are then he's a fool who doesn't deserve you.

He knew exactly what he was doing when he complimented the other woman. He did that on purpose to hurt you.

He’s a dickhead. Crawling up some other woman’s arse and then saying things like that to you? He’s trying to make himself feel better by treating you like shit. Don’t let him.

Life is too short to be surrounded by people like this. Tell him to wind his neck in or fuck right off. He sounds horrid

Please don't change for him. He still won't treat you better. Because this isn't about you, it's about him and his insecurities. If he truly valued you as a person, he'd be able to discuss your appearance or ask you to wear a certain outfit because he likes it.

He's a prick, OP. Stop pandering to his stupidity and sulks. Tell him to grow up.

There's a difference between reason and excuse, OP.

Op stop making excuses for him, tbh it sounds like your flogging a dead horse with him. What has he done for the relationship, apart from insult you, and compliment other women! I would not be surprised if he is seeing somebody, and trying to justify himself. Nasty, do him a favour op, and have a happier future without him in it.

Isn't LTB a bit aggressive on this occasion? He's not my teen boyfriend

was I supposed to go out in work clothes? I don't even have much for weekend cos we're broke

But you went out for dinner Friday night, hair and nails done Friday which you skived off work for and then a takeaway Saturday night. So are you actually broke?

But aside from that, your Husband is out of order and had no right to speak to you like that. Did you pull him up about it?

girling he is treating you like rubbish, and being extremely nasty, why would you put up to that, or want to put up with that. Nobody said he's your teen boyfriend, adults split up for all sorts of reasons, less than yours sometimes. Stop excusing his behaviour, you are allowing him to treat you like this.

Fast forward to today I spend all morning ferrying children and cleaning (not been done for a while as I work long hours and DH doesn't know Mr muscle from his elbow). I sort out ironing then we all have lunch. Later he takes Dc out for about 1.5. I make tea and we think we'll have a take away and watch a film. I've done one dishwasher by this time. We all do home work and practice etc and then I put boys to bed thinking as planned he'll get us some food. I finish and kitchen a bomb site and husband watching rugby.
I complain and he proceeds to tell me that I'm lazy that he thought I looked like shit the night before (was I supposed to go out in work clothes

Friday and got my hair and nails done for evening out with DH and friends. I got home in heels and a dress (sort of what I wear to work) and quickly changed into jeans shirt and leather jacket for local dinner.
During night he tells the other woman what a wonderful mother she is literally gushing. She didn't ask for it and isn't insecure. He has never ever said that to me. Then proceeds to get so drunk when we get home I just go to bed

Do you think this is right op! Do you think this is how a loving partner should treat you! He does not sound like he loves or respects you very much, if my dh behaved like this, i would consider a future without him in it.

Sorry tried to highlight salient points, but failed badly.

Isn't LTB a bit aggressive on this occasion? He's not my teen boyfriend

No, he's not your teen boyfriend. Just the adult man you've been in a 10+ year relationship with, an adult who should behave in a responsible adult way - not be molly coddled or looked after by you to this extent.

You minimise and excuse his behaviour, giving him the power to demean and denigrate you ever more.

No, you don't have to LTB. You could follow some of the excellent advice already given to try and turn your relationship into something more reasonable and balanced. But ultimately the fault lies with him and if he is incapable or unwilling to change, that's not a good relationship for you to be in.

I don't think he loves you at all He certainly doesn't respect you.

I'd kick him out. He's abusive.

You sound amazing, and deserve better than being the victim of this insecure toe rag.

You are a wonderful mother, and human being, but he isn't on your side at all: from what he says I think he hates you, is jealous of you and wants to destroy you, and you cannot change him.

You've already left him far far behind. I'd formalise that arrangement.

He's not your teen boyfriend, no. He's an adult partner of many years who supposedly loves every bit of you. Instead, he puts you down and makes a marked effort to make you feel crap.

He complains that you don't do anything as a couple but when you make an effort, organise a night out, get your hair and make-up done, rather than telling you that you look beautiful, he makes a point of complimenting another woman, then later tells you you looked like shit. That's a pretty nasty thing to do. Then you post worrying about his ego and trying to figure out how to make him happy. Just think about that OP.

Exactly. He's not a teen, he's an adult fully capable of making choices and aware of how his behaviour effects others.
I wouldn't hesitate to LTB. Absolutely no way in hell would I ever let anyone speak to me like that.

Isn't LTB a bit aggressive on this occasion?

Yet, if he realises that you'd be prepared to leave him, then he might change his tune.

The fact that he’s not a ‘teen boyfriend’ makes it worse IMO. If my husband started behaving like that I would seriously be questioning what I was wasting my time for. I’m a grown woman, spent lots of my youth running after toddlers and certainly wouldn’t be putting up with it from someone I’m supposed to be in a adult, mature respectful relationship with.

Tossers not toddlers although auto-correct might be on to something

Today hasn't gone well. Talking didn't go well texting didn't go well. Not sure how it ended up like this. He says I'm a hypocrite but honestly I don't understand how I've never criticised the way he looks or fathers.
I've stood up for myself and he's not been nice says it's home truths so maybe I need to look in the mirror or something.
I'm super tired and fed up long day. I thought we were in a good place now I'm super sad and confused. Not for a second has he apologised or said he cares. I texted from work to apologise because by Sunday I was pretty negative. He didn't care about my apology that's clear. Maybe he just doesn't love me anymore. Crikey quite a lot to ponder tonight. Thank you all... I think...