To be offended by my husband??

[girlingerrupting]

Skived off then end of work on Friday and got my hair and nails done for evening out with DH and friends. I got home in heels and a dress (sort of what I wear to work) and quickly changed into jeans shirt and leather jacket for local dinner.
During night he tells the other woman what a wonderful mother she is literally gushing. She didn't ask for it and isn't insecure. He has never ever said that to me. Then proceeds to get so drunk when we get home I just go to bed.
Fast forward to today I spend all morning ferrying children and cleaning (not been done for a while as I work long hours and DH doesn't know Mr muscle from his elbow). I sort out ironing then we all have lunch. Later he takes Dc out for about 1.5. I make tea and we think we'll have a take away and watch a film. I've done one dishwasher by this time. We all do home work and practice etc and then I put boys to bed thinking as planned he'll get us some food. I finish and kitchen a bomb site and husband watching rugby.
I complain and he proceeds to tell me that I'm lazy that he thought I looked like shit the night before (was I supposed to go out in work clothes? I don't even have much for weekend cos we're broke). Now the fact that our friend (wife) was dressed really similarly to me. And he gushed about her.
I'm just feeling really unloved. Aibu?
I just want to curl up and cry sat night now crap. He didn't know I was upset about the mother thing. I suppose I'm a pretty average mother because I work so much but I'd quit in an instant if he could support us. I feel really hurt. And now really crap about how I look.
Makes me wonder if I'm the nightmare why is he so horrible?

I'm an average mum but I love my kids and I try my best. I am never going to be as attentive as my friend who sahm but I promise I really try and I think I'm getting better as I get older and they get older. I was a natural in the baby stage.

Sweetie, I suspect you looked fantastic. And he's deeply insecure. Hence why he gushed over the other woman and told uou you look shit. He's insecure and knows you can do better than him,.so he puts you down, making himself feel better and hoping you'll believe it and stay with him.

It's the oldest trick in the book. Don't sit crying. Understand you've a deeply insecure husband, who is probably also jealous of you and he's trying to manage it by making you feel bad.

You look better, you're a better parent and you earn more. And he knows it. None of this is about you, it's all about him.

What a nasty lazy pig.
for you.

Wasn't a natural sorry

Thank you for the kind words. And hugs I needed the hugs I wanted them from him tonight after the inadvertent attention to someone else but I guess Sod's law...
Interesting about the insecurity. Seems harder too how on earth can I change that.

That sounds rubbish, hugs coming to you from here too OP

Oh OP you poor thing. What an arsehole. And what a low, mean, cunty blow for him to be so mean about your appearance.

You need a cards on the table style conversation.

Op, also where are your insecurities,,,your looks and parenting skills due to time available? And what is he picking on? The things he knows will hurt you? It's insecurity and jealousy all day long.

You don't need a hug, you just need to realise your own worth and not put up with shit,

So he earns less, does less parenting, less cleaning, less caring and insults you. The man has issues and your self esteem needs a kick up the arse. He's insecure because he's shite. So he's making you feel bad to make himself feel better. Don't be sad be angry. Very fucking angry.

Bluntness how do you make a deeply insecure husband secure?

By letting him go to a less accomplished woman.

No he does more parenting as he works shorter hours.

He's a jealous, gas-lighting cunt.

'I don't slate him am a bit paranoid about the male ego because I'm more financially successful. But occasionally he lets rip and I don't know why but I feel very unloved at the moment'

And he uses this to shatter your confidence and bring you down.

Stop tiptoeing around his over-inflated ego.

He deliberately undermines you and has zero respect for you, leaving you to do all the work and then calls you lazy.

He sounds horrible. You sound too nice.

I agree with PP - that level of rudeness is kin to abuse.

As the other posters have said he feels inadequate and that's why he's trying to put you down. It's certainly not your job to boost his ego if he's being nasty to you. Do you see this getting any better?

OP don't slate yourself as "an average mum" because you work. You are doing that for your children. You are a Supermum! Telling your friend she was a good mother may have been in some sort of context so tricky to say what that was about, but there's no acceptable context for what he said to you. Big hugs x

You cannot ever really change someone else. They only change if they want to.

While insecurity may be the cause of his behaviour, there are many insecure people who don't insult and bully their spouse. I'd suggest there's quite an unpleasant character trait there.

He's pulling you down to keep you in your place - these are HIS insecurities that he's projecting onto you...

He'll know exactly what buttons to press!

He's nasty, if this happens often, I would consider a happier future without him. Massive hugs💐💐

'Bluntness how do you make a deeply insecure husband secure?'

You don't, because a) it's not your job and b) he's an adult. A mature one who loves his partner sorts his insecurities out himself. Your husband is a dick.

Bless your heart. He has been horrible to you!

Please don't feel you have to justify yourself as a good Mum just because you work! You are a great Mum, not an average one!! We all do our best in the circumstances we are up against. You never know, your SAHM friend maybe crying into her vodka every night because she is so unhappy!

I think you need to explain how this hurt you. Don't make light of it, tell him what a dick he has been to you. xxx

Your husband told you that you looked like shit?

I simply can't imagine this. You poor thing.

He's a twat and you need to shove the Mr Muscle where it hurts.

Well it all feels a bit crap I choose cheese... and maybe a small glass of rose.

So he works less hours? Earns less money? Does less around the house? Acts like a knobhead to another woman on a night out ans then calls you lazy, a shit mother and yada yada yada.

Tell him to get de fuck. Wankerbastard.

I would reduce your work hours so you are doing a similar amount of childcare. Try and get him doing more. Then once I was established I was the main carer for the dcs again I would be divorcing his shitty arse asap.

And I bet with 1 less fucking child to pander to you are an even better morher to the dcs. Not that you aren't already. It's just carrying his precious ego in your arse pocket distracts a little.