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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think kids should have money?

167 replies

opheliacat · 16/09/2017 14:40

Obviously I don't mean hundreds a month but anywhere between £2-£20 a week depending on age for over 7s seems reasonable to me.

I would hate to never be able to buy a treat for myself.

Does anyone not give their children any money?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 16/09/2017 17:43

It's not controlling to give children no money.

to deny them any sort of independent decisions for things they would like to buy seems unfair to me
The problem you had as a child and teenager was that your parents dismissed and disparaged your taste and preferences out of hand and imposed their own.

This is not necessarily the issue in homes where parents encourage and respect the individuality of their children, and compliment them on their taste in tat while waiting at the checkout with debit card in hand to buy it for them.

Original poster
opheliacat · 16/09/2017 17:43

If I thought I was, I would Smile

OP posts:
Dumbo412 · 16/09/2017 17:50

My daughter doesn't get pocket money, she is nine.
The pocket money on tap stopped because it lead to her buying toys upon toys upon toys that she never even took out of the packaging,
Then there was the time I managed to get her to save, and she lost her purse with £60ish in.
She does get what she wants though within reason though.

mathanxiety · 16/09/2017 17:51

Mother's helper jobs are available everywhere. I know Irish 12/13 year olds who go to neighbours' homes after school to play with small children while mothers do work-related calls from home/get dinner ready/get some exercise on the stationary bike/do a workout dvd, etc. My teen relatives in the London area also do similar - take small children to the park to kick a ball around for an hour or two, help an elderly neighbour with taking the bin out and occasional household chores like cleaning out a fridge, putting up their Christmas tree, packing it away, changing lightbulbs, setting up new electronics or phones - pay is not great at all at that age of course, but every little bit helps and the great thing is the children get over themselves and feel good about earning.

Original poster
opheliacat · 16/09/2017 17:54

No chance would my 12 year old be a mothers help, and I would not want a 12 yo to help me!

OP posts:
SisterhoodisPowerful · 16/09/2017 17:55

My daughter was getting £3 a week, but she's really into collecting comics which I had been treating her to. She's also started rock climbing which is very expensive. I've just increased her allowance to £10 a week in exchange for a huge increase in chores. She's chosen to get a subscription to her 3 favourite comics and go rock climbing once a month and saving the other £20 for all sorts of things. She's saved enough up to buy a hugely expensive Lego set that I helped her watch online for a few months so it would go on sale.

I think learning to save and priorities is important. I spent all my allowance as s kid on sweets. I've done it differently with my daughter and I think she has a better understanding of money than I did as an 18/19 year old.

FiveBoys · 16/09/2017 17:56

Its years since Ive heard of mother's helpers and its taken me way back to when I was one decades ago.

I can also remember when I'd be going to the shops for my mum and a lady who lived alone would throw a purse out of her window that had a shopping list and some money in it. She knew my routine. I would about about 11. I wasn't allowed to take anything from her every time I did her shopping but once a month she persuaded me to take a shilling. It really was just 4 trips at thruppence each but we enjoyed our wee game.

MyDcAreMarvel · 16/09/2017 17:57

"Don't agree with kids being paid to do normal household chores. They should be taught to do those regardless, and expected to do them as part of being part of a family."
I would rather my dc knew that work and pay are connected. Simply handing out pocket money teaches dc that you get something for nothing. It is not helpful for a good work ethic in later life.

missiondecision · 16/09/2017 18:01

Pocket money for 6-9 year olds is just indulging the parents ideology.
They do not need money at that age.

brasty · 16/09/2017 18:02

No child needs pocket money. But I think it is nice for kids to have some of their own money,even if a very small amount.

FiveBoys · 16/09/2017 18:03

No chance would my 12 year old be a mothers help, and I would not want a 12 yo to help me

Honestly Ophelia its a great wee job to have. Im sitting here with really good memories of mine. It was for the lady next door and I'd get her coal in, empty her ash bucket, draw all her curtains in the winter to save her going upstairs, make sure her back door was locked because she couldn't reach the bolt, fold laundry, bring laundry in, Id even be sent for if it started raining and her washing was out because she wasnt steady on her feet. She'd bang on the kitchen wall or phone through when we got the phone but most times if it rained and I was at home I ran out for her washing.

My granddaughter's 12 and she's a great help and at that age I think we can really underestimate children. I think I also had a part time job at that age. I used to make up the orders in the corner shop on a Saturday.

missiondecision · 16/09/2017 18:03

Children should get something for nothing shouldn't they ? Why do they have earn everything?

FiveBoys · 16/09/2017 18:05

Children should get something for nothing shouldn't they ? Why do they have earn everything?

Yes I agree. Its also nice to be able to give just because.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 16/09/2017 18:06

My dd is 11yo and doesn't get any regular pocket money, that said she always seems to have money. She has over £300 in her savings account which is predominately from birthday and christmas money, her grandparents frequently give her a couple of quid.

Once she is old enough to go into town by herself I guess i will end up giving her money...

Original poster
opheliacat · 16/09/2017 18:11

Isn't it illegal fpr 12 yos to work?

And I would be very suspicious of anyone "employing" a 12 yo.

OP posts:
FiveBoys · 16/09/2017 18:13

Isn't it illegal fpr 12 yos to work?

Ive no idea. I dont live in the Uk.

And I would be very suspicious of anyone "employing" a 12 yo

I think thats a sign of the times. It was very different years ago.

Original poster
opheliacat · 16/09/2017 18:14

I'm sure, but we aren't living in times gone by.

OP posts:
Bluelonerose · 16/09/2017 18:18

Teens get £5 a week standard. They then top it up by washing up etc. To get their phone money they both have to cook once a week.
7 year old gets £5 a month in his bank (as did older 2 until they we old enough to go to the shop alone) then £1 a week in his hand to spend as he likes.
All have to hand me 10% to save.
All kids get clothes but if they want ridiculous overpriced stuff they either wait for xmas/bday or save.
They don't get a penny else out of me otherwise they won't learn. Harsh yes but it's how I was brought up and it's saved my ass.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/09/2017 18:18

Op, for you and your children you feel pocket money is the right thing to do. Fine.

You're pretty terrible at understanding different families do things differently for different reasons all of which are fine.

I actually gave my dc the choice a few weeks ago whether they'd prefer to get pocket money, or to continue as we are which is I will ad hoc buy a little present or a magazine or some sweets as and when. They categorically decided to carry on as we are.

Like others, I also don't agree with money for chores. Chores should be completed as your contribution to the running of the house, not for reward.

Yabu.

MyDcAreMarvel · 16/09/2017 18:23

Mission , that's what Christmas and birthdays gifts are for. Also other random ice creams , gift shops in museums etc.

RetroHippy · 16/09/2017 18:31

I was pondering this the other day, not whether to give pocket money, but what to give it for. I am terrible with money, have never in my life felt like I had enough because I was always paying off something stupid, or just knew that once I'd spent it, I wasn't going to get any more for a long time (birthday money etc), so would fritter small amounts rather than treating myself to a big thing. I had pocket money, but never a lot - by the time I'd paid the bus fare into town with friends, I could only afford a 99p nail polish. I had a lot of nail polish Hmm

Anyway, it occurred to me that school was a good reason to get paid. I read an article once written by a mum who didn't pay her children for doing chores (as they need doing anyway, and no one pays you as an adult). But school is the most like work - you can get bonuses for hard work and achievements, just like at work. I always resented the fact that I didn't get money for good exam results, but was told I should work hard because I wanted to. If you were told that at work, you'd tell you boss where to stick it!

So yes, absolutely children should have pocket money. Mine will get it on starting school, probably an amount equivalent to the school year (£1 a week in yr1 etc). With termly reviews and a bonus scheme for relevant personal achievements.

Hmm, I think I've been overthinking this!

Starlight2345 · 16/09/2017 18:40

Your problem is you think choice only comes from having your own money..

My son went to an activity he enjoyed today picked his drink and what sweets he wanted from 20p machine..So yes he has had more of a treat that I have had all week. We are ordering a takeaway..He chose his meal..Lots of choices.

However he is 10 so still a child so you can't compare him to an adult..I singed a consent recently because he is a child and does not know what is best for him. So legally I have to decide..That is control to a degree but that is not abusive control.

You don't physically have to give them cash to learn how to budgeting.. I am not sure the kids with huge allowances will learn about not having what you want.

TittyGolightly · 16/09/2017 18:40

Of course it's not illegal for 12 year olds to work. Hmm

FiveBoys · 16/09/2017 18:43

I'm sure, but we aren't living in times gone by

I know.

but I have to admit to wondering if the thread is just making you angry now.

So to wrap my bits up - no, I dont think you're being unreasonable to give your children money.

brasty · 16/09/2017 18:44

If 12 year old kids work, it tends to be in the family business.

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