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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think kids should have money?

167 replies

opheliacat · 16/09/2017 14:40

Obviously I don't mean hundreds a month but anywhere between £2-£20 a week depending on age for over 7s seems reasonable to me.

I would hate to never be able to buy a treat for myself.

Does anyone not give their children any money?

OP posts:
hiccupgirl · 16/09/2017 17:04

My DS (7) gets £5 a week - it would be less if he wasn't an only or we couldn't afford it.

He has learnt to save up for things and is very good at not spending it on bits and pieces when he wants something bigger.

I think if you can afford it, it's important for kids to learn to manage their own money from a young age.

opheliacat · 16/09/2017 17:05

Not an awful existencs at all, but one where what they have is decided solely by their parents. That can get frustratung for chikdren as fhey grow up.

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HerRoyalChocolateBunny · 16/09/2017 17:06

(oh and glares at FIl also before anyone jumps on me. Although FIL was in the military and barely lived at home when DH and his brother were growing up.)

SerfTerf · 16/09/2017 17:06

A mum wouldn't start a thread relating to parenting on Mumsnet now would they? Obvs it's a journalist hmm

🤣

You know we're at peak paranoia when unrecognisable names are accusing regulars of being journos 🙂

steppemum · 16/09/2017 17:08

and you are reading stuff inot what I said.

Once my kid has money, I agree they shoudl be free to spend it on what they like, Claire's tat or whatever, that is how they learn - do you really wnat to spend your money on this.

My point was the amount. Small amounts are fine. £2 for 7 year old is much more than mine had/have and they seen fine.

I would say though that we do not have a culture of shopping in our family. We do not wander roudn a shoppign centre for pleasure on a Saturday. My kids can go months without visiting anything other than the corner shop.
They get pocket money, but a small amount.

opheliacat · 16/09/2017 17:09

Tbf I am not sure journalists DO create threads. Swipe them, absolutely. Creating them is too much effort!

OP posts:
opheliacat · 16/09/2017 17:09

Well, it sounds like we agree then Steppe Smile

OP posts:
JasmineOill · 16/09/2017 17:10

Your last post shows that you are bent on being as ignorant as possible. Like I've said, freedom and choice can take many forms and shapes, not just the one method that you know.

It's quite arrogant of you to assume your method of parenting is the only right way.

Rhubarbie · 16/09/2017 17:10

Children can have lots of choice and freedom despite not having lots of pocket money freely given. Happiness really is more about experiences and less about the short lived thrill that occurs when buying some thing. You can't buy happiness. The families we know aren't particularly materialistic but they are environmental and create special memories. There isn't the pressure to keep up with the Jones's I guess. My children still randomly buy crap but it's usually a sparkling box from a car boot sale.

FiveBoys · 16/09/2017 17:11

My 14yo gets £5 a week from her Gran. £5 a month on her itunes account from her Aunt and 2 pot noodles per week from my mum

The pot noodles are just so random and you sound like a great family.

Rhubarbie · 16/09/2017 17:13

I wasn't like you as a 13 year old. I didn't have it and wasn't interested. .

Rhubarbie · 16/09/2017 17:15

My kids idea of hell would be shopping EVERY Saturday for tat. I think we'd lose our marbles

opheliacat · 16/09/2017 17:15

To be honest Jasmine, i don't think I am being ignorant. I believe I am right as otherwise I wouldn't do it, but I'm not personally insulting other posters, which you are.

We had lots of experiences when I was a child. But again they weren't happy as it was being carted along to what my parents wanted to do.

OP posts:
opheliacat · 16/09/2017 17:16

Where did I say every saturday should be spent shopping?

OP posts:
FiveBoys · 16/09/2017 17:18

My grandchildren get pocket money but they're not really materialistic or shoppers so they save quite a bit. They wouldn't be excited about going round the mall at the weekend for instance. But they do buy things and it was just a few weeks ago my 10 year old grandson bought a TV from money he'd been saving for quite some time. It was to replace a very old one in the basement where the kids hang out that wasn't compatible with a playstation I bought him for his birthday. That was the deal. I bought the playstation and he bought the TV.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 16/09/2017 17:21

We actually do give pocket money but I don't agree with you and think you are projecting based on your own childhood. Not giving pocket money does not automatically mean dc get no choice, that's just your experience, you can't apply it to everyone. Plenty of parents allow their child to choose whatever piece of tat as a treat when out and about, those dc probably have way more spent on them than the 2-5 quid another might be given!

You're surely aware too that lots of primary age dc don't actually have the freedom to just wander to the shops, they tend to be with an adult (to mither for a magazine or sweets or whatever).

I also wouldn't assume that pocket money at a young age equals learning to budget because there are also parents who are happy to let the dc spend their couple of pounds every week but would still pay for the bigger ticket items. There are also lots of parents that simply don't have it to give. Their dc will probably have a good understanding of budgeting through necessity and are likely more inclined to manage any money they get from part time jobs or birthdays/Christmas far better than the child who knew if they spent it all this week they'd still get money the next week.

Honestly Op you're vey adamant that one way is the correct way based only on your own childhood experience which, let's be honest, was far more to do with your parents general attitude about your likes/wishes than whether you had money in your pocket.

JasmineOill · 16/09/2017 17:21

You have been very insulting OP by telling parents they are being controlling and you wouldn't like their children's obviously awful experience.

Your experiences are just that, yours. Nothing to do with children of random people on the internet. Your own unhappy experience goes a lot deeper than just not being handed pocket money. Stop projecting it is VERY insulting and I repeat ignorant.

Rhubarbie · 16/09/2017 17:22

Five boys. Your grandchildren sound great

opheliacat · 16/09/2017 17:23

I probably am projecting.

Jasmine, I do think it is quite controlling, but you're taking it very personally.

There will be numerous things I do you would be appalled at, I am sure. Don't be wound up about it as then there is no discussion, just a row!

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Nuttynoo · 16/09/2017 17:23

It really depends on the relationship you have with your kids. I don't give 'spending pocket money' (though I do invest regularly in their name) as I tend to buy them everything they want if I can afford it.

mathanxiety · 16/09/2017 17:27

I never gave mine pocket money. I would buy candy, cookies, ice cream, etc for home consumption and bought everything they needed by way of clothing and footwear. If they wanted their ears pierced I brought them to Claires, and if we were out shopping I would get them an item they liked if we both thought it would be useful or nice to have. I bought all household toiletries like sanpro, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrushes, toothpaste, soaps, etc., and they could buy whatever they wanted for themselves in this line too.

You can have this sort of relationship where the parent buys stuff in consultation with the children without being controlling and without spending every penny you have on your children's whims.

From about age 12 on, heavily encouraged by me, they were able to get mother's helper, odd job and babysitting jobs and at 16, weekend office receptionist and summer office gofer jobs or warehouse job in the case of DS. They were able to spend their money on anything they wanted, though I tried to persuade them not to buy expensive jeans or footwear at age 12 as they grew out of everything so quickly. Some learned that lesson the hard way.

By about 15/16 they were buying most of their own clothes and paying about 50% of footwear costs. I would contribute a max of $20-30 toward any item they really wanted if I considered it necessary - so a winter coat/jacket or backpack for school or boots if they wanted a specific item that was more than about $30. They were self supporting from the time they left for university. They all worked part time and during summers (and so far, one during the winter breaks too) while studying. I never had to send money to anyone during their university years. They took care of flights or train tickets home themselves.

My thought is that as children grow up they can get themselves a job if they are frustrated or feel limited to what their parents give them.

So far, they have all thanked me for my approach. DD2 in particular knew fellow students in university who relied heavily on the bank of mum and dad and did not know how to budget, became very invested in items that caught their eye when shopping and overspent (my DDs learned from an early age to trawl the sale and final clearance racks). DD1 had paid off one of her university loans before she graduated. She recently bought herself a flat, a few years out of university.

opheliacat · 16/09/2017 17:28

It sounds like you might not be UK based math as it would be nigh on impossible foe a 12 year old here to get a job.

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FiveBoys · 16/09/2017 17:33

Five boys. Your grandchildren sound great

Thank you. The truth us that Im not a shopper and neither are their parents because in the past we didnt really have very much spending power so for eg a GameBoy was something they all shared for Christmas with a game for each of them. Nowadays though we have a lot of spending power but we still dont have much of a taste for things. We like holidays and cars but we dont seem to have much 'stuff' and we really do just go shopping when we need something. We get no pleasure out of going round the shops for a look or for something to do.

Lovemusic33 · 16/09/2017 17:40

Mine don't get pocket money, they get birthday and Christmas money and the odd £5 from their grandparents but I don't give weekly pocket money. If we go out and they want something and it's not tat then I might buy it for them. Dd1 has money to go to youth club which she blows on sweets. If dd1 helped out more around the house then I would consider giving her money.

JasmineOill · 16/09/2017 17:41

OP, sometimes it's better to just admit you're wrong.