SDs dressing inappropriately

[Winosaurus]

I originally posted this on the step-parent board but posting here for traffic.

I know I'm going to get flamed for this but today this has reached a new peak.
My DP has to DDs 12 and 8, they dress so inappropriately I'm sometimes lost for words. They both are wear a full face of make-up and clothes that barely cover their bodies and I'm really struggling with this for several reasons.

1. People look at them constantly when we go out because of how revealing their clothes are and I'm worried it'll attract the wrong attention and potentially put them in danger - particularly as 12yo is getting older.
2. My DD7 now wants to copy them which is causing issues and uncomfortable conversations to come up as I obviously won't let her dress this way but I also don't want to be critical of SDs or their mother for allowing them to dress this way (she buys most of their clothes)
3. I honestly find it embarrassing. When we are out as a group/family people automatically assume I'm their mum and I've had women in particular make remarks about how they are dressed.

I've talked to DP about this and pointed out not only the inappropriateness of their overall looks but also how it could put them in danger. He agrees with me and will occasionally ask SD8 to remove her make-up but overall he doesn't seem to see how wrong it is. I am not being mean about the girls, they are lovely but it's getting to the point where it's making me uncomfortable to be on outings with them when they have their bottom cheeks hanging out of their shorts or transparent crop-tops on. How can I get my partner to see it objectively?

As I said at least twice... I wouldnt want my children dressed like this! But who am I to try and enforce my views on other parents? A shit part of being a step parent is to have to take a back seat and let the ACTUAL parents make all the decisions.

Not when they aren't.
You don't let children be at risk just because they aren't actually your children.

Sometimes responsible adults need to get involved in the upbringing of kids who aren't theirs because the kids parents are useless, this sounds like a prime example.

Well what should she do then? She has already voices her concerns... the parents disagree. Should she call social services as the children are at risk? What should she do?

How am I not their family? I adore these girls and want the best for them. When you're a stepparent you either accept all the responsibility or none of it. I cook, clean, care for them, wash their clothes, hold them when their sad, look after them when they're sick... I think I do have a right to say how they're raised if I'm also expected to care for them like a parent. I want to care for them, and this is part of it.
I have already seen / heard people making negative remarks about them and these girls are worth so much more than how they are being portrayed by their outfits. I don't want them being labelled "sluts" or being pressured as they grow up by older kids.
I just want the best for them like I would my own kids. I actually think the whole situation is quite sad. At their age they shouldn't be worrying about how they look... that's our job as parents.
DP just sees them through a dad's eyes, he only sees them as his lovely baby girls and almost seems blind to it. I think it'll take him to see someone actively leering at them for it to sink in. It happens all the time but it's as if he's in an oblivious bubble, I'm going to point it out to him next time it happens

*voiced.

The funny thing is that OP would get shit if she didn't give a fuck.

Oy yoi yoi. -.-

NC You're projecting just a little bit aren't you? She is related to the children. Not by blood no but blood isn't everything is it. She cares about them because they are family.
Are you one of those people who think sms should be there for all of the cooking/cleaning/driving around/providing financial support for the parents of the children but when it comes to giving an actual opinion about the way the children are being brought up they should keep their mouth shut? It can't be both ways.

She should get her husband to kick up a fuss about it and buy his daughters some age appropriate clothes.

YANBU
I'm stunned at some of the responses. No one is victim blaming. The job of parents is to parent and to guide. Surely if a child is dressed inappropriately which leaves open to unwanted intention then it is the parent's job to guide the child how to dress.

Its all very well spouting "clothes don't cause rape" but why put your child in a potentially dangerous situation when you could have prevented things?

As to those saying op should not be involved, she is the children's stepmother. Thank goodness she cares enough to be bothered. I agree with the previous poster who says you must get your dh on side. Could you buy appropriate clothes for them to wear when they are with you?

Yes op how dare you care about these kids.You should e ashamed of yourself.Go and stand in the corner till your responsible and love for these young women pass.[sarcastic]

And I haven't voiced my concerns to their mum as I don't think it's my place, that is for DP to do. But I definitely have a right to voice it to DP as I'm helping him raise them when they're with us. I also get a say as it affects us as a family, my DD really looks up to her step-sisters. She thinks they're wonderful (which they are) and very cool so she's now keen to emulate their style. I've spoken to my DD about this in private but it's hard to do without being too graphic about why it's not right (I.e. Attention from boys) or without it sounding like I'm being negative about my SDs which I don't want in turn to affect their relationship

OP, this happened to a lesser extent a few years ago with my own DSD. I used to say briskly, 'Good heavens, you can't go out like that, you're barely dressed - and chuck a hoodie at her to put on.' Left to himself, my DH wouldn't have taken the initiative but he backed me up when I encouraged her to put more clothes on.

I think it's utterly inappropriate to dress children like - let's be honest - porn stars and I am astonished that anyone on here thinks differently.

I am not projecting. I have no step children and my kids have no step parents. I just think that if the parents have no problem with this who is the OP to keep banging on about it? She is only their step mum. She married their dad, that is it. She may care about them, but she isnt their parent and has no right to try and override their parents decision in their upbringing.

You are absolutely their family OP.

In terms of explaining to your DD why it's not right, I wouldn't mention boys, I would just say that some clothing is only suitable for grown-up bodies.

I knew you'd get flamed for this OP.

What you've got to understand is:

1. You're a stepmum so automatically you arent in a parenting role (except for all the times you are expecged to treat SD as your own, but then you shouldn't treat as your own in case mum spits her dummy out)
2. Everyone knows that the only appropriate view is that girls should dress however they like, whenever they like and any guidance or advice otherwise just proves what a nasty victim blamer you are.

I'm a feminist. I wouldn't dress pre teen daughters like mini-adults. I'm no prude, but I can't stand seeing little girls dressed in barely there hotpants, excessive makeup etc. What a way to start telling them their looks are the most important thing about them and they need face paint to be pretty.

It's very cool to sit online pretending that you're so liberal but you abd I both know most people on this thread know EXACTLY the look you describe and they would not allow their own kids out like that.

Winosaurus- you sound like a lovely step mum. The girls and. Their mum and dad are lucky to have you.

Also we've bought them so many lovely clothes but the problem is they then team them with other bits from mum's house and tons of make up then it begins to look too much again.
E.g. Some cool ripped jeans and a frilly jumper for SD12 was one outfit... next time we saw her she had the same jeans but with high heels and a bralet top
It isn't always the individual clothes items but how they're paired up

NC I'm sure OP does a hell of a lot more for those girls than wave her wedding ring about.

I'm not even a step-mum but I am puzzled by your belittling attitude towards them.

'only their step mum', what a horrible thing to say. Not sure if you're for real notanotherNC or if you're just trying to wind people up.

E.g. Some cool ripped jeans and a frilly jumper for SD12 was one outfit... next time we saw her she had the same jeans but with high heels and a bralet top
3 guesses where they are learning how to dress themselves.
(Waits to get flamed because mothers are awesome and the step mum is always evil)

It's very cool to sit online pretending that you're so liberal but you abd I both know most people on this thread know EXACTLY the look you describe and they would not allow their own kids out like that.

That is true , but the whole point is they are not my kids, your kids or the OPs kids.
I really hate pre-teens dressing trashy BUT I object to people saying that it is endangering them.It isn't

Can't believe some of these posts. You have my sympathy Wino xx

I really hate pre-teens dressing trashy BUT I object to people saying that it is endangering them.It isn't

It is though. And you are deluded if you think it isn't.