Just had my first judgemental comment about 4 kids.

[streetface]

And I haven't even got 4 kids yet!

AIBU to think I'm just going to have to deal with people looking down their noses at me for having 4 children?

My first 3 children were carefully planned. I thought we were done. Had depo injection and husband due for snip in Jan. I have posted about this previously. I have been receiving treatment for heavy periods since April and had lost over a stone in weight.

Turns out it wasn't a period but a pregnancy complication that causes massive bleeds (subchoronic heamatoma) I found out I was pregnant nearly 5 months in when I began to show and I was finally given a scan.

Shocked is an understatement. One of my biggest fears is the horrible reactions and judgements from other people. I can't change the outcome now. Already I have received a pompous comment when discussing an unrelated issue and mentioned about being busy.

"Well I would be busy too if I had CHOSEN to have 4 children"

I don't even have four yet. Is this my life now?

Is this a thread about a thread? And the emphasis is yours on 'chosen'?

Just tell them all to mind their own business.

'Thanks for the feedback'.

My response to any unasked for criticism or comment like that. Normally shuts people right up.

Let it wash over you. Not worth getting upset about - let them get their knickers in a twist about it.

It doesn't matter Mrs Pratchett. This is the reality for people with more than two children isn't it?

Ignore them. Easy said I know but worth it. Everyone likes to make some sort of comment. Ignore.

Congratulations!

A good moment for "Did you mean to be so rude?"

For context people were talking about consent and bodily autonomy in children. Others were arguing the 'holding them down' method.

The comment by the poster (who was on another thread which is why TAATs are bad form on here) could have been read either way. Your emphasis makes if appear pejorative when it may well not have been.

It doesn't matter Mrs Pratchett. This is the reality for people with more than two children isn't it?

Not really

Eh?

You don't have to justify to us - or anyone - your backstory/decision to have four kids. It's not anyone's business. Smile and nod. Even at the idiots.

I have four and can completely sympathise with you on the dickish comments! Don't you have a tv? ..... Are you mental? OMG ... You actually planned them? I bet you're on benefits, aren't you? Gawd, you must be coining it in!!
I actually had one delightful woman say she'd have drowned them at birth if she'd have had that many.

But I can't imagine the stress of having such a big decision taken so out of your control and then finding out so late. You need to take your time to come to terms with it otherwise you're going to be looking at a good long stretch of PND (speaking from experience) you'd benefit from some counselling now

I've not really grasped the original context but if I had 4 children (I have 3) and received a snarky comment, I'd be inclined to offer a teeth-bared grin and point out that in 20 years time my kids would be paying enough NI to keep a lot of pensioners in winter fuel allowance, and walk off. Or flounce, if I was online.

If there was no malice the amount of children would never have been mentioned. Regardless of any thread, the reality I see on here time and time again are negative, not positive comments about large families.

I feel very vulnerable and unable to deal with my situation at all. Nobody that knows me IRL knows there is an issue. The same line keeps being trotted out by friends and family, "ph but you're a great parent and your children have turned out lovely" but that is only because they were planned!!! I'm not in anyway prepared and I feel like I'm on a roller coaster I can't get off.

I feel like ending it all but couldn't be that selfish to my lovely children who I am so close to. I feel like our loving, close knit family is about to be destroyed because of a fuck up and there is nothing I can do.

Thanks Fogg.

I have 3, very close in age. no one has ever said anything rude to me about it.

You sound like you're very concerned about being judged and as such may be projecting just a little.

'i'd be busy too if i'd chosen to have 4 kids' like that, is just a statement of fact. 4 children is a lot of work. its very hard to infer tone in writing.

Op,
Please get some help, you're not just going to miraculously wake up one day and it'll all be sweet cooing babies and rosy glows.
Be honest with your partner, find out the registered counsellors in your area. You need it. xxx

I feel like ending it all but couldn't be that selfish to my lovely children who I am so close to. I feel like our loving, close knit family is about to be destroyed because of a fuck up and there is nothing I can do.

OK, I don't think this is about one dubious comment on a thread. I think you are feeling really lost and anxious. If you really are thinking of ending it talk to someone as soon as possible. Even the Samaritans now, if you need to.

I know lots of happy children from larger families. Yours will be wonderful.

I've got 4, all big now. Youngest is 19. l've had a few comments over the years, but not a lot. You need to grow a thick skin and ignore.

I didn't have any comments about 3 either but I know with 4 they will come. People with 4 tell me. I see it online. I don't think I'm projecting but I do know I can't do this.

I didn't have any comments about 3 either Really? You must be a great parent then because I get comments with one

You do need to seek help.

I agree with Mrs TP, you need some help with how you're feeling. an unexpected pregnancy doesn't mean it can't work out (i should know, i have 2 of them!) . it might not be what you planned, but it doesn't have to be a disaster. please see your GP and get some help xxx

If these comments havent happened yet,just smile and nod.But in your case have a chat to your GP.You sound overwhelmed.

I have 5 boys,normally i get teh comments about 3 boys cause they see me wiht 3.So i mention 5 boys to mess with their head.Its great

I have 5DC and our last wasn't planned and I'd had all negative pregnancy tests till I was 4 months pregnant and I don't receive negative comments quite the opposite actually.

Our youngest DD is adored by her 3 big brothers and her big sister and by the rest of our familys and our friends.

But you sound like your really struggling and any comment right now aimed towards you is not necessary and really not helpful please reach out for help,the samaritans are really good and if you can't face talking to someone on the phone you can email them now day or night and they usually get back to people really quickly.

Your children love you and need you don't do something that would take you and your love away from them

I have 4. I'm 30 and my eldest is nearly 12, so I often get the "wow, you have 4!" kind of comments.

It took me a while to come to terms with while I was pregnant with the last. Especially as I'm an only child! But now it doesn't bother me at all. My children are all doing extremely well at school/outside school and I am embarrassingly (is that an actual word?) proud. So fuck what anyone else has to think basically. I'm hardly doing to put them back now, am I?

Congrats OP I got as far as 3 and had to stop for medical reasons. 4 is fab - ignore the judgy people they know nothing.