controlling family taking my university supplies - how to react?

[holly98]

I wanted to get your advice & balanced adult opinions on a situation as I'm currently fuming and will probably make a rash decision

[BACKSTORY:
My '''family''' are Indian, backwards, & think a women's place is married off and in the kitchen. I was born & raised in London & and don't share their ideals. As a result, they have been verbally & physically abusive towards me my entire life.

I am 19 and moving out for university on Friday. I have been called many things since they found out (slag, no one wants you anyway etc). It has come to a head recently as they realise I'm actually leaving.]

Yesterday I prepped my stuff (toiletries, kitchen supplies, Nutribullet, clothing, room decor etc) in the spare room in boxes & suitcases ready to go. I have come downstairs this morning to find the packaging of the duvet that I purchased is in the kitchen bin????

Upon further inspection of my stuff, everything has been gone through & tampered with, some other bits have been used/taken. It's petty.

They know exactly why the items are in in that room. I paid for all of it with my own money (I have no financial support from them btw). They all work - they took my things to control me not because they can't afford it or they didn't think it was mine. I have to repurchase stuff before I've even moved out :(

My brother is the one that has taken my duvet. I don't want the duvet back & he would never pay me back for it either. AIBU to throw the duvet out??

So far, I have moved everything back into my bedroom & locked the door.

I want to throw the duvet out later while he's at work or put it in a black bag for when I move. (But it's now gross & used by him so....) I know when he'll get home he will start WW3, try to tear my locked door down and my mum will take his side as she idolises him. There will probably be a physical fight, but I'm so sick of him that I'm not even scared....what would you do?

He can use the duvet he replaced with mine 🙄 I'm sick of him controlling me and whatever the aftermath is, I don't care. I don't plan on maintaining contact with them when I move anyway, I don't speak to them now!

I hope that it all work out op, well done, its great you have people around you to support and help you .

Are you Sikh? If so many Gurdwaras host interventions when families block their daughters from going to uni. If you want to bother doing that.

Good news Holly - it would be great if you could maybe update when you're away from your family and with your friend.
Very pleased that your thread has given you validation for your feelings and more understanding that your situation is not a "normal" one.

Well done and good luck. If my twin sons who go to university in the next 2 days end up at university with you they will be very lucky.

What you described is not normal. We have been getting things together for university together as a family and like most of the Indian families who live in my London borough (which is the most hindu in the country I think) and non Indian families like ours we are very proud of both girls and boys who get to university as education is often the key to a better life and one reason many of these families moved across the globe.

I'm another who would be very grateful if you would be kind enough to take the time to update to let us know you are safely at university, starting a great new life. Though of course you'll be madly busy enjoying Freshers' Week (which I see from my own child's university may be called Welcome Week, and certainly not Faffers' Week as it was way back in my day!) in a completely different environment! I wish you so much good luck and a bright future, away from your family!

What a brave young woman. I wish you every success.

💜🌺❤️️🌸❤️️🌷💜@holly98 💜🌺❤️️🌸❤️️🌷💜
Are you ok ?

Hope the big move goes well tomorrow!

Oh, you poor girl! What an awful situation. Please do what others have suggested and contact your uni now. They might be able to put you in Halls until the new term starts.

And I think you should leave home without a word. Your situation sounds quite dangerous.

Please keep us updated OP.

Well done for being so strong and following your own pathway in life and not their ideas for you - you're right it's controlling, last ditched attempts! Enjoy uni and remember today is the first step into a new life - enjoy every moment

No advice other than to be safe. Good for you for going to university and leaving them. You can do anything you put your mind to, even though breaking a stereotype that people have can be so hard. Good for you, and keep doing the good job that you were doing

thankyou for such a beautiful and appreciative reply hun.im so glad we helped.it can sometimes go either way on here at the moment :) and I so wanted you to be helped.re-affirmed my faith in this place too
very sensible thinking on the media front too and you explained you comment non commenting so well.(theres a reason your going to uni haha) smart girl.

so glad for you.

I was wondering if you come back on here after the move and all is sorted whether you would mind commenting.just so us worry worts no all went ok which I'm sure it will...xx

I'd also be happy to hear from you from time to time just so we know how youre managing.

You poor thing. You've got real guts to follow your dream despite everything.

You might get some support here:

standalone.org.uk/students/

Havnt read the whole thread but I would suggest phoning the police.

They will help

Good luck OP. Onwards and upwards in your new life :)

Don't be afraid to ask for extra help and support from the Uni.

You have such a bright future ahead of you. If you're moving to Dorset then PM me and I can help you with supplies and stuff. You're very brave and I think you are making the right choice.

Good luck with your brand new start Holly. Onwards.

@Holly98

BTW. You can ask for the thread to be deleted if you wish?

Good Lucj

Set up a PO box for post if you think you may be moving addresses in the Uni town or ask to have your friend's address as your address for correspondence

Good luck Holly, but I don't think you will need luck. What an amazing young woman you are

Wishing you all the best Holly

Good luck, OP. You sound so strong. I wish you the best for university and your career .

Good luck with uni Holly! Its the first day of the rest of your life. I'm glad you have a good friend with a helpful mum to help you move in. Enjoy uni and all that it has to offer you.

One thought, do you have plans in place for where to stay at the end of the first year? If not, chat to student support about all thats happened and see if they have a suggestion. I do hope so.

I hope the move went smoothly Holly.