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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that I should have had warning of child allergies??

145 replies

Starpantsbetty · 13/09/2017 18:46

Hi there I'm an it of a lurker on these boards but wanted to get some opinion on this. I will try to be clear in my post...

Mum I know vaguely from school playground (her dc's in different yeargroups to mine) asked to come round for coffee this afternoon after school with her DC's as we are (sort of) neighbours.

I'm quite new to the area and thought this would be lovely to get to know some local mums so agreed. She arrived with her four DC's in tow (two preschool age!) and within five minutes of being at our house got a phone message. She then proceeded to ask if she could leave her four kids with me (I've never met two of them before tonight!) whilst she attended to a "quick work issue".

I agreed and she asked if it would be too much trouble to feed the eldest two with mine so she could them get them straight to after school clubs. I'm the sort who doesn't like confrontation so said yes and offered to feed the smaller ones (thought it would be unfair to not include them). She agreed and as she departed she said, "oh just pile DC4's (he's three) plate with steamed veggies - he loves those!"

Dutifully I made tea and did as she asked but gave friends DC4 the sausages the others were having but made sure he had plenty of veggies too.

Well it turns out he has food allergies and as a consequence of me, "Not following her explicit instructions". (!!!) he's now potentially on the way to A&E because I could have set off an allergic reaction! I've apparently upset the whole of her planned evening and caused her DH to have to come home early and ruined his important business meeting because I went ahead and disregarded her instructions. (Note that She has ranted at me by text about how I've upset her evening and put both her and DH OUT rather than the fact I could have killed her DC!)

I am horrified and feeling amazingly upset and guilty about this. Had I any inkling he was allergic to anything I'd not have given him it. I feel so responsible but not for upsetting her evening but because now the poor boy is looking like he's possibly off to hospital tonight. I still don't know what he's actually allergic to (she hasn't replied to my text yet!) that could cause this and he didn't have a reaction whilst he was at mine but she rushed them all off after I mentioned he'd eaten some sausages. AIBU to think she should have been a lot clearer that he had allergies or would anyone else have taken what she said the same way? I'm really devastated ...

OP posts:
MumW · 14/09/2017 09:54

As the parent of child with a severe anaphylaxic allergy, I can assure you that I wouldn't even have entered your house without making sure you were aware, let alone left them or asked you to feed them (not that I would have been such a CF with someone I didn't know)

YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, IT WASN'T YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Also suspect she is one of those parents who cry allergy when the mean intolerance/diislike and make life difficult for those with a real life threatening issue.

derxa · 14/09/2017 10:04

Oh dear

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/09/2017 11:26

What a horror story!

bookwormsforever · 14/09/2017 11:32

Just read your update, OP. A mild dairy intolerance? She's barking.

LibertarianLibrarian · 14/09/2017 11:51

I can't believe people actually behave like this Confused

existentialmoment · 14/09/2017 11:54

I think the Heck brand of sausages have dairy in them.... ironically I only know this because I'm vegan (family aren't) and got in the habit of checking labels!

Am I missing something, but why would you check sausages for milk because you are a vegan? Isn't the pork a bit of an issue first?

purplecorkheart · 14/09/2017 12:39

Well done on your reply. I have a feeling that you would have had the kids dropped off regularly if you hadn't sent it.

kali110 · 14/09/2017 13:35

Well done on replying.
If her child was ill it would have been her fault and only her fault.

LaContessaDiPlump · 14/09/2017 13:38

existentialmoment well, indeed. I'm buying them for DH and the kids, not myself! I do prefer to buy items that don't have a load of random milk bunged into them, on principle....

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/09/2017 13:43

What instructions. She never gave you any instructions. That's the whole point.

strawberrypenguin · 14/09/2017 13:45

You didn't do anything wrong at all.

On another note I'm pretty sure she pre - planned to dump her kids on toy as an unpaid babysitter. The text was a bit too convenient!

MumW · 14/09/2017 14:34

I also thought it a bit odd that she invited herself to yours. Wouldn't normal etiquette be to invite YOU the newbie to HERS?

TheDodgyEnd · 14/09/2017 17:17

Haven't read all comments but don't feel guilty, feel angry! She dumped 4 (!!!) kids on you, she informed you of NOTHING and then has the cheek to shout at you? Nope. Don't apologise one more time to this ridiculous, entitled mare.

Starpantsbetty · 14/09/2017 18:35

Bit of an update ...

Managed to do drop off this morning and got collared by a group of mums with kids in my DC1's year who (it seems) were out for the gossip.

She has form - lots of it apparently (will get the details later) and I've been warned off by half the playground full of parents!!! Shame no one could have given me the heads up sooner...

Anyhow - have now made firm plans for a few days out and coffee with the other (definitely nicer!) mums. So even though it made me feel crap yesterday it's been a positive. Thank you all for reassuring me last night!

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 14/09/2017 18:44

She has form

Doesn't surprise me one bit! They always do.... Glad you've sorted it out, anyway - hopefully the silver lining will be that you get to know some other, nicer and more reasonable people!

goodeggsarehardtocatch · 14/09/2017 19:18

I'll tell you she's bloody lucky she didn't dump them at my house, anymore than 4 kids and my fallback is macaroni cheese with bacon Grin

holdthewine · 14/09/2017 19:19

My DGC has a severe allergy and no way would his mother leave him with anyone without full advice, medication and Epi-pen.... she is totally in the wrong and I feel very sorry this happened to you!

Shyposter · 14/09/2017 20:08

All I can say is good job you didn't give him a glass of milk to drink

Hmm

Well handled though Smile

chancerprancer · 14/09/2017 20:36

Or a yogurt for pudding....

junebirthdaygirl · 14/09/2017 20:39

You will look back at this and be glad it happened as you are rid of her now and she can only blame herself.
Some people are so brazen!!

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