To think that I should have had warning of child allergies??

[Starpantsbetty]

Hi there I'm an it of a lurker on these boards but wanted to get some opinion on this. I will try to be clear in my post...

Mum I know vaguely from school playground (her dc's in different yeargroups to mine) asked to come round for coffee this afternoon after school with her DC's as we are (sort of) neighbours.

I'm quite new to the area and thought this would be lovely to get to know some local mums so agreed. She arrived with her four DC's in tow (two preschool age!) and within five minutes of being at our house got a phone message. She then proceeded to ask if she could leave her four kids with me (I've never met two of them before tonight!) whilst she attended to a "quick work issue".

I agreed and she asked if it would be too much trouble to feed the eldest two with mine so she could them get them straight to after school clubs. I'm the sort who doesn't like confrontation so said yes and offered to feed the smaller ones (thought it would be unfair to not include them). She agreed and as she departed she said, "oh just pile DC4's (he's three) plate with steamed veggies - he loves those!"

Dutifully I made tea and did as she asked but gave friends DC4 the sausages the others were having but made sure he had plenty of veggies too.

Well it turns out he has food allergies and as a consequence of me, "Not following her explicit instructions". (!!!) he's now potentially on the way to A&E because I could have set off an allergic reaction! I've apparently upset the whole of her planned evening and caused her DH to have to come home early and ruined his important business meeting because I went ahead and disregarded her instructions. (Note that She has ranted at me by text about how I've upset her evening and put both her and DH OUT rather than the fact I could have killed her DC!)

I am horrified and feeling amazingly upset and guilty about this. Had I any inkling he was allergic to anything I'd not have given him it. I feel so responsible but not for upsetting her evening but because now the poor boy is looking like he's possibly off to hospital tonight. I still don't know what he's actually allergic to (she hasn't replied to my text yet!) that could cause this and he didn't have a reaction whilst he was at mine but she rushed them all off after I mentioned he'd eaten some sausages. AIBU to think she should have been a lot clearer that he had allergies or would anyone else have taken what she said the same way? I'm really devastated ...

Oh and for the record I had no clue sausages might contain dairy! I've definitely learned something tonight!

cross typed!

Just tell her that if she'd have told you he was allergic you obviously wouldn't have given him anything and you hope he feels better soon. Then delete her number and avoid her like the plague! I've known people like this who turn up at your house with their kids then conveniently have to do something.
If her child has got ill it's entirely her doing.

Well, then in my house that would have been a problem even if I had stuck to her suggestion - steamed veggies always get a knob of butter on them...

I bet the reason she made a beeline for you, the new face in the playground, is because she's pissed off all the other parents and she had no-one else to ask. I suspect she'll tell you to forget all about in wee while, though still without an apology, moments before asking you for the next cheeky favour.

A mild dairy intolerance? That's a long way off from an allergic reaction requiring an ambulance. At worst he probably had mild diarrhoea. What a drama queen.

Don't delete her number.
Keep it in your phone under the name "Cheeky Fucker" but send all calls to voicemail.

Ahoy, it's this week's Cheeky Fucker.

You're lucky she came back for her child OP ~ usually in these threads the DC get dumped and the CF goes out on the lash.

She undoubtedly has form.

Stop beating yourself up. Her responsibilty not yours.

The fact the other kids didn't say anything just confirms that it couldn't be in any way a serious allergy - and nobody normal would just leave their allergic kid with a stranger and very vague dietary instructions!

I think she is going to try and hit you up with lots more requests for childcare to "make up for" her and her DH allegedly cutting short their Very Important Plans. We already know she's a cheeky fucker for dumping her four kids on you wih no warning, I reckon she made all that fuss so she could get more free chilcare in future, banking on her guilt trip making you unable to say no....

Stay strong OP!

I'm so glad you sent an assertive text. Good for you. Avoid her from now on as has been said...what a cheeky fucking bitch.

well done OP.. that was a clear and concise response...

what is certainly clear is that she planned the entire thing... I bet everyone on your street and neighboring streets have already endured this idiots capers....

again.. Well done for nipping this in the Bud OP

A mild dairy intolerance is not an A and E matter, and probably gives you a stomach ache or upset stomach. My dc and dh both have dairy intolerances and regularly have sausages.

To repeat above, you did nothing wrong, and the majority of the mums (and dads) on mn would have probably done the same.

when i say Planned the entire thing.. I mean to the point of dumping her kids on you OP...

not the inadvertent potential allergic reaction...

Good response there OP. I did wonder whether Cheeky Fucker was trying to set you up for more free childcare (with food thrown in) on the back of being 'guilty' of sending her child to 'A&E'.

Ahoy, it's this week's Cheeky Fucker.

Who are all these people?? Unbelievable. You did nothing wrong, OP and she was staggeringly cheeky and negligent to boot. Your message to her was spot on. Direct but dignified. I'd have struggled to be as restrained as you have been in those circumstances.

Pictish I'm just really angry now and I actually feel better for texting her back! I won't be offering my services to her again that's for sure and I realise now that she probably does have form but I'm still the newbie here! And thanks to all you MNs for giving me perspective in all of this - I've gone through the spectrum of feelings tonight and currently I'm favouring anger!!

Who knew that a sausage could cause so much upset, I will never look at a Wee Willie Winkie in the same way

You just made me spit out my water Christina!! Wee willy winkie

ANGERS good OP lol

How on earth were you supposed to have a clue about the allergies unless she told you. She sounds like a total fruitcake. Avoid her in future and tell her to make her own childcare arrangements.

The other mum was completely in the wrong. She should have told you about the dairy intolerance. Very irresponsible of her not to. Most people wouldn't interpret "give him lots of steamed veg" as "only give him steamed veg".

And there's risks of cross contamination if you were using dairy products while cooking (like the butter on vegetables example from a pp), and as you weren't told about the dairy intolerance, you wouldn't have known to be wary of preventing cross contamination....

This is unbelievable!

Great response OP. And seriously....a "mild dairy intolerance " is hardly a serious life threatening allergy! I had no idea either that there may be dairy in sausages.

What a piss taker!