Update - missed Grammar School application

[sososocross]

So many people have kindly sent pm and a couple of update threads have been started so I wanted to update.

Firstly I really want to thank you all for your help and kindness. I was in a state and without you all I would have lost the plot. You women rule 🏅

Update: They are not letting him do the test and I have told DS. I made the choice to tell him in a vague way and simply stated that something had gone wrong and his application had not been received. I will not lie to him if he asks for more details at a later date, but I couldn't take away his chosen school and his image of his dad in one cruel swoop.

He cried and asked me to sort it out, and I told him I had tried and couldn't. I told him my alternate plans and he relaxed. I also told him I would be coming home early 2x per week from here on, and we would work together on homework, extra study or whatever he chose. If he wants to register for the 12 or 13 plus I will do all I can to assist him. Then we watched guardians of the galaxy and had big cuddle up on the sofa.

So that's where we are.

I am sorry to those I irritated by deleting the thread, I was very worried about the daily mail and any come back. I hope you understand I was having a crisis and listed inappropriate details which could identify my son on the thread.

Please don't mention school details on this thread as I'd rather it all remain anonymous for his sake.

Thanks again for all the kindness, it meant the world to me.

I followed your original thread and didn't have anything helpful to add, but I am thrilled that your son is getting the chance to sit the exam. I hope your husband uses this as a catalyst to sort his shit out as it should be clear to him now that he has achieved an unacceptable level of fuck up and the outcome in no way mitigates the issues this situation has raised.

Yay that's wonderful news!!! So thrilled for you and your boy OP

So pleased for you all, all the best for DS and all the best for your DH in taking another step forward in fighting his demons. So many people do not understand childhood trauma

Thanks everyone. I feel so happy I hardly know what to do with myself

Change your name back, maybe :D

How many user names do you have, OP?!

Glad it's all sorted (even with the name change fail )!

AMAZING!! Well done!

FFS what am I doing with the name changes-have reported thanks for heads up

Fantastic news and well deserved!

Fab news OP. Glad that they saw sense in the end.

I'm having a wee cry reading this. You handled the whole situation amazingly.

Lovely news. Good luck to your son, really hope he smashes it after all this heartache!

I love a happy ending.

Hope your husband gets some help (as in, not just from you) and you guys work things out. You clearly still love him so he can't be all bad. He made a catastrophic error here and handled it badly but he obviously cares.

You are an absolute rock star parent and I'm kind of in awe of you tbh. Nothing but admiration for you!

Wow. You are a phenomenonal woman and your son is amazing.

I'm so happy to read such a happy ending

Best of luck to your son

I'm really glad to hear that this has worked out ok for your son.
I hope your DH gets some help. And that you can sort your issues out as a family. Its really concerning that so much is falling on your (the OP's) shoulders.

However I do think this is a really unfair system for kids and just highlights how the 11+ is a social selection process not academic selection. Presumably there are lots of kids from disadvantaged groups whose parents wouldn't be willing or able to negotiate this system and to fight for a decision like this to be overturned as you have done.

Brilliant news!! Good luck DS for the test!

However I do think this is a really unfair system for kids and just highlights how the 11+ is a social selection process not academic selection

Yup! The idea that the 11+ benefits bright poor children is a misnomer.

Wow! Great news. Great result for your DH, maybe actually fixing something he broke will boost his confidence a bit. I did a little gasp of joy reading the god news update! Xx

Oh that's such amazing news!!

It's truly wonderful for your whole family. And as a family you are an amazing unit, even if your DH is never going to be the dependable rock you might wish for. You are absolutely amazing OP - supporting your DS, not kicking out your DH but understanding his past and it's implications, along with not falling apart yourself. Massive respect.

Good luck to your talented and hard working DS with his test.

That's fantastic news. I'm delighted for your son and for you and your DH.

Good luck for the test for your DS. ☘️☘️☘️

Thanks for all the kind comments.

RubyRed2017 I couldn't agree more. It was one of the points DH and I returned to again and again. We have our issues but we are a 2 parent functional family and yet this happened. I know that as a child neither DH or I would ever have had the chance to do this sort of entrance exam as it was beyond our parents narrow vision.

In fact DHs parents took him out of a good primary school where he had teachers that were involved and moved him to a terrible school where he was physically abused by a teacher. Why? Because they didn't like the 'snooping' teachers asking DH what he'd had for tea etc. And because they made a social services referral.

The 11plus is a filter to eliminate any student:
with lower attainment
Uninvested parents
A lack of structure in which to complete the prep work
Lack of funds for tuition if this cannot be replaced by expert parental knowledge
A parental knowledge of the system - applications/date etc

I would like to know how many GS students works as their parents carers? Have parents with substance abuse problems? Are looked after children? Close to zero I imagine, which is a disgrace.

As a family we've achieved a lot but the cracks still show and some people are quick to put us in our place and try and keep us there. When we bought a 2 bed terrace in a rough area, my uncle said we must be thrilled to own a house at all, but I was planning to move to a nicer area in a few years and then buy a house with a garden when we had children - he actually laughed at our (now achieved) ambitions.

Social mobility is hard to achieve and the GS system which is espoused to help, in my opinion does nothing of the sort, but having said all that, where we live we have the option of a very poor local school or selective education on the basis of 11plus or other assessment - music or sport. No prizes for guessing where the poorest and most vulnerable children end up.

I'm definitely not thin and I don't think I could be classed as slim anymore but I am not overweight.
I think it comes down to two things:

1. I am an active person I don't exercise but I'm never still for long and walk a lot
2. I cook everything from scratch and very rarely buy pre made food (pizza frozen food ready meals etc).

When I start feeling a bit podgy I eat less pasta/bread/meat and will go veggie for a bit.

I reckon if I stopped drinking I'd be slim quite quickly but wine makes me happy

Wrong thread

Sososocross your last post was enlightening. I've never thought of it quite that way before as although I came from a solid working class background I was privileged. You have opened my eyes.

Fantastic news! Well done!