AIBU non-Birthday girl has hijacked my night out

[Shestolethewitchesredshoes]

So this is a milestone celebration for me. Last month, a few of the girls and I were chatting. I said how long it's been since I've been able to just go for come cocktails and a dance. The girls arranged with all of the women to come out for drinks on my birthday. It was official for an email to be sent out, a show of hands, a generalised idea of where and when was planned.

I was excited and really pleased. I bought a new red dress and have made plans for hubby to stay home with the kids (he offered to cancel a works leaving do so that I could go!). Anyway, job done. Then I go on annual leave for two weeks.
I came back today and lo and behold. The birthday night out has been cancelled in favour of going out for another persons birthday the following month. To say I'm a little disappointed is an understatement. I was really looking forward to it. I suggested we share the night - she flat out refused!

To make matters worse, she's been harping on all day about how this is her last year before she turns that milestone to really celebrate. It's adding insult to injury.

I know it's all petty stuff so I can't really justify starting an office war but I'm pissed off. Since when did she get to change the plans in favour of her own? Why didn't anyone ask if I minded?

What do I do now?

Bunch of cunts.

Clutch?
Clutch of cunts?

It's not really about her though, is it? She didn't make everyone else cancel the original plan, they all did it. Don't focus on her.

If you're going to get upset (totally understand that) then you could email and ask who is coming as you've not cancelled it (or whatever message you're happy with). It's just so off.

could you make an invite and send to all - as though her thing taking precedent never happened?
If you can invite others to make sure there's a few of you, even better
good luck
I get sick of the 'who shouts loudest gets listened to thing' too

I mean others, not from work - obvs send to colleagues

WAIT! (I'm Always the last to speak on this site...never sure of the OPs seeing my posts, so I'm shouting to be heard )

IF YOU ONLY SPOKE TO OFFICE NARCISSIST: she could be lying! The more reasonable way to deal with this is to ask your friendly colleague(s) with something like. "Suzy SmartPants just told me that our party night had changed? I just wanted to get the new time/date?" Smiling thru breaking heart.

At this, your undependable colleagues have the opportunity to apologize, affirm or disagree with the new plans.

IF the NARCISSIST has been successful in changing the event.

Act relieved!! Say "wow! That is GREAT! i just found out dh had made romantic plans and i was going to have to find a way to cancel."

BUT i really think that you are not privy to all of the information. I don't believe her.

Office friends...even though you all 'get on' very few are true friends. Over the years, things change, people move on and you will lose touch and then you will know your 'true' friends, trust me ( I've worked in an office building for over 30 years) go out with your hubby on your birthday and put on your dress and gave a good time instead.

Jesus the drama on this thread is unreal.

You all realise you can't make people do anything right? The other woman didn't make anyone cancel. The OP's birthday wasn't an organised party that she had spent money on, it was "let's go to the pub". Now people are going to the pub on a different night, because they probably can't afford to go out twice in a month.

People saying to the OP to go anyway and have a great time and take "selfies" (is it her 14th birthday ffs) are missing the point. It's not a fucking party. It's just a night out. In a public place. Which people can go to or not as they wish.

Some of the misogynistic vitriol - calling the woman a cunt? for what, going out? - is beyond ridiculous over a fucking night out 🙄

Abbylee you sound unhinged. Narcissist? Do you have any qualifications to make that diagnosis or are you just throwing the word around as it's the MN thing to do.

Someone is not a narcissist for making plans with colleagues. If you act like this day to day, your life must be a drama-fest.

You definitely need to make sure that you speak to whoever you feel is the closest friend at work "just to confirm that as PartyStealer cancelled my birthday do I have made alternative plans" to make sure people know SHE cancelled it not you

I think that now you've realised they're actually not friends at all, you shouldn't give PartyStealer the benefit of showing her you're upset.

The fact she won't 'share' her birthday with you, proves she did this deliberately or is an insensitive, selfish arsehole (but most likely both). If she knows she doesn't want to 'share' then she should understand that this was important to you and also means that it wasn't just a case of not being sure what date had been set because if they were genuinely wondering that then they'd have made it a joint celebration anyway IYSWIM.

Your husband sounds lovely - I agree that you're far better off going out with someone who genuinely cares.

But, please, don't let her see you're even slightly upset and definitely don't go to hers seeing as you now don't regard them as friends.

I'm sorry this happened but it sounds like you're better off now really

Very bitchy behaviour on the part of this colleague, especially hijacking your birthday night out and then not wanting to share it with you. She certainly likes being the centre of attention.

What a lovely idea to go to your DH's leaving do and of his parents to babysit. He sounds really lovely. Hope you have a great time.

She's a jealous bitch. Fizzy Green Waters idea best if precisely targeted anonymity guaranteed.

Otherwise I suggest:
Firstly do a little subtle enquiry to people most trusted about "why your party was apparently cancelled in favour of hers? It's kind of rude... "
Don't say anymore than that. I'm wondering if it's common knowledge she refused to share the night out? Very soon after your subtle enquiries, if no spectacular valid teason, I suggest: some type of -(both very essential): friendly and public- conversation. One where you say to her "Its wonderful that we'll be celebrating such a milestone together. These things are always so much fun with lots of people." Then, if you still want to, just turn up (phoning the restaurant in advance with the name of birthday girl-yours). If she publicly refuses to "allow" you to attend, she will already look bad. However to put her in her place, just laugh and say something like "don't worry I was only joking. I was giving great thought to my plans during my 2 week break. Im going to invite all my old friends for shopping all day and dancing all night in Paris". You must maintain the 'laughing at her playful undertone' and 'not bothered about her' approach. Which after such mean behaviour, why would you be bothered about spending time with them? A night out with her versus shopping and dancing in Paris? Hmm...

I wish one of the admit could take you address and we could all send you Birthday cards to work...
Lets hope your Hubby sends you a massive and I do mean massive bunch of flowers.... to work on the day...xx

You could always phone the restaurant and cancel HER night out . . .

Schad you are an evil genius

I think this woman has bullied people into going to her birthday somehow. I'd say there's absolutely no reason as to why you can't have yours this month and hers next month. I'm sure the majority of people would be able to go to both. After all, there'll be about four weeks between the two? Assuming hers goes ahead?! 😉

That's a brilliant idea,schad,; ring the restaurant she's booked about two days before hers, or better still your husband, so none of them can possibly think it was you when the restaurant says a man phone'd, and get her do cancelled. You've not been invited so you won't have to think of a reason as to why you can't go!

I'd also send an email to all your colleagues who were attending, giving the impression that it was a rumour that yours had been cancelled and it's still actually still going ahead. Let them know you've brought the dress, your DH has cancelled a workdo so he can babysit, you booked the venue ages ago, and any other things you've organised. Invite her so she can see what she'll be missing when she finds out her own is cancelled. Plus you won't be seen to be a bitch too.

Sign her birthday card but put no cash in, or just to save embarrassment, put in a load of coppers: the "only spare cash you have on you."

On her celebration day/or the previous day if it's on a Saturday, send in a large single sized portion 'chocolate' (using exlax) cupcake. Ice it with chocolate icing with exlax in it, but to disguise the flavour of the exlax use buttercream for the icing not margarine. Decorate with chocolate buttons and sprinkles to further disguise the taste of exlax and make it look less suspicious. To get 'real' results, I'd use two packets of exlax.😂

Then get it sent in by one of your real friends/somebody they won't recognise, maybe with a motorbike helmet & gloves on. Leave at reception. Or you could leave it on her desk first thing when nobody will notice, so long as there's no CCTV! Make sure there's a frilly bow on the box with a pretty label so the right recipient receives it!

If money was no object, then I'd seriously think about hiring a female strippergram to turn up at the office for her. Could be more embarrassing for her, although, yes, I know it's not PC. But we are talking about taking revenge.

I think that should do for starters!😂😂😂