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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU non-Birthday girl has hijacked my night out

144 replies

Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 12/09/2017 22:44

So this is a milestone celebration for me. Last month, a few of the girls and I were chatting. I said how long it's been since I've been able to just go for come cocktails and a dance. The girls arranged with all of the women to come out for drinks on my birthday. It was official for an email to be sent out, a show of hands, a generalised idea of where and when was planned.

I was excited and really pleased. I bought a new red dress and have made plans for hubby to stay home with the kids (he offered to cancel a works leaving do so that I could go!). Anyway, job done. Then I go on annual leave for two weeks.
I came back today and lo and behold. The birthday night out has been cancelled in favour of going out for another persons birthday the following month. To say I'm a little disappointed is an understatement. I was really looking forward to it. I suggested we share the night - she flat out refused!

To make matters worse, she's been harping on all day about how this is her last year before she turns that milestone to really celebrate. It's adding insult to injury.

I know it's all petty stuff so I can't really justify starting an office war but I'm pissed off. Since when did she get to change the plans in favour of her own? Why didn't anyone ask if I minded?

What do I do now?

OP posts:
OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 13/09/2017 05:21

And you just know that her milestone next year will be a massive performance.
Ben has it spot on. And I'd be fucked if I went out for her.

TidyDancer · 13/09/2017 06:51

Yeah I definitely wouldn't be able to carry on going to work and not find out exactly what happened. This is arsehole behaviour.

sonjadog · 13/09/2017 07:00

Reinvite them. Just say you'd really like to go out for your birthday, and who wants to come?

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 13/09/2017 07:04

Since when did she get to change the plans in favour of her own? Why didn't anyone ask if I minded?

What do I do now?

It sounds from your OP like she didn't change the plans, it sounds like the whole group did, so I wouldn't just focus your ire on her. They didn't ask if you minded because they don't care. Are they younger than you or around the same age?

I would send the email suggested by a pp.

TheGoodWife16 · 13/09/2017 07:04

I think I'd be looking for either redeployment within the workplace, or another job. I couldn't continue to work among this sort of mindset.

They're not your friends. Put some barriers up and realise that spending 40+ hours with people does not equal friendship and what comes with it (loyalty, honesty, trust, reliability, etc).

Pop that dress on and have a fabulous evening with your DH (if you can organise alternative childcare).

X

WomblingThree · 13/09/2017 07:27

Having worked with people like this my entire working life, I don't actually think she is a bitch, just fairly thoughtless.

In my workplace, if it was someone's birthday, a general night out was customary; as in "we will be in X pub at 8pm on Friday to celebrate Z's birthday". Everyone would enthusiastically agree. Then someone would realise it was someone more popular's else's birthday two weeks later, so then everyone would decide they couldn't afford two nights out or get two lots of childcare and the two nights out would morph into one. By the time the night out came around, everyone had totally forgotten Z's birthday as it was two weeks before 🙄.

The fact you were away when this was planned means it's even more likely that they just forgot, and then when someone realised they figured they had better shoot you an email. Don't take it personally and just console yourself with the fact that you are a nicer person.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 13/09/2017 07:29

I'd send the email letting them all know it's your milestone birthday, dress bought, babysitting arranged, and you are ready to celebrate. Who would like to come with you. See what happens then.

StealthPolarBear · 13/09/2017 07:30

Do challenge this though. Don't just let it go

mummmy2017 · 13/09/2017 07:31

I would send out an email, saying your night out hasn't been cancelled and that you will still be going ahead with your birthday.
Plan it around a meal, in a nice place and ask anyone who wants to go to let you know, there is no way a month is a barrier to anyone not affording 2 events.

MrLovebucket · 13/09/2017 07:37

where do you work mr lovebucket?

In the Twilight Zone apparently. Confused

All my colleagues are decent people, nobody would think of pulling a stunt like this. In fact, I've never worked somewhere with such breathtakingly rude/cruel people, and I've worked at some not-so-great places in the past.

(I work in a Community Nursing team)

LazySusan11 · 13/09/2017 07:47

I'd be planning on a night out with my actual friends after this. They've done you a favour you know now who are real friends. Happy Birthday op 🎈

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 07:49

that's irritating I just wouldn't go to the new arranged night out and of anyone asks why say because the original night was cancelled bla bla

Aeroflotgirl · 13/09/2017 07:55

That is totally unacceptable, those 'friends' would be friends no more, and I would have nothing more to do with them, what a nasty thing to do. Have a lovely special night with your dh, or other friends, and sod them.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/09/2017 07:56

Ah their work collegues, be polite and professional, don't mix business with pleasure.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 08:22

I love the people I work with they're all great but I only have one actual friend at work who I would trust with anything and everything and I meet her out of work, I wouldn't say my colleagues are my friends, but they are lovely, If I wouldn't call you and chat to you on the phone then youre not my "friend" maybe an acquaintance

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 13/09/2017 08:25

I would carry on as if your birthday night out was still happening - seeing as how YOU arranged it and YOU haven't cancelled it.

That way, somebody will have to explain how, when & why the change of date/celebration happened.

And, no, there is no way on earth I would be going along to her party!

KinkyAfro · 13/09/2017 08:35

What right does your colleague have to cancel your night out and why have the others listened? Doesn't sound like any of them are your friends OP. I'd go out with your DH instead

ShiftyLookingBadger · 13/09/2017 08:41

If they have cancelled your bday celebratiom without a thought then these people are not your friends. Go out and partAY with people who give a crap

Thisismadness · 13/09/2017 08:43

I don't understand how this one person had the power to make everyone else change their plans! You need to ask the rest of them what's going on!

Goldfishshoals · 13/09/2017 08:45

I'm not sure how this happened. Surely when someone says your celebration is cancelled you say 'no, there must be some misunderstanding, mine is still on, hope you can make it.' ?

GorgeousLadyOfWrangling · 13/09/2017 08:46

Why on earth couldn't you have all gone out twice? Yours one month, hers the next. I understand not everyone could attend both (those with childcare/financial issues) but don't believe there would not be decent attendance overall given you are talking two separate evenings a month apart and not twice in the same week.

greendale17 · 13/09/2017 08:47

Yes she is horrible for doing that but your other so called friends are just as bad for going along with it

gamerchick · 13/09/2017 08:50

Please don't do the passive aggressive thing you've got planned. It won't work and won't make you feel better.

Don't you have friends outside of work or plan something for with family for your birthday instead? There's no way I would be going on that night out.

That's if you can't bring it up with them that is.

expatinscotland · 13/09/2017 08:55

What is it with all these people who consider gits friends? These people are not your friends. Why on Earth do you want to celebrate your birthday with people who are not friends? Fuck PA tactics or still going along with a night out with these people. Just do something else instead and fuck going out on the night of the other person's birthday. Find some decent people outside work to hang with.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 13/09/2017 08:59

I wouldn't want to be celebrating my birthday with people like that tbh.

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