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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU non-Birthday girl has hijacked my night out

144 replies

Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 12/09/2017 22:44

So this is a milestone celebration for me. Last month, a few of the girls and I were chatting. I said how long it's been since I've been able to just go for come cocktails and a dance. The girls arranged with all of the women to come out for drinks on my birthday. It was official for an email to be sent out, a show of hands, a generalised idea of where and when was planned.

I was excited and really pleased. I bought a new red dress and have made plans for hubby to stay home with the kids (he offered to cancel a works leaving do so that I could go!). Anyway, job done. Then I go on annual leave for two weeks.
I came back today and lo and behold. The birthday night out has been cancelled in favour of going out for another persons birthday the following month. To say I'm a little disappointed is an understatement. I was really looking forward to it. I suggested we share the night - she flat out refused!

To make matters worse, she's been harping on all day about how this is her last year before she turns that milestone to really celebrate. It's adding insult to injury.

I know it's all petty stuff so I can't really justify starting an office war but I'm pissed off. Since when did she get to change the plans in favour of her own? Why didn't anyone ask if I minded?

What do I do now?

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 12/09/2017 23:21

Similar happened to me once. I worked in a team of about ten people. Every birthday we'd all go out for lunch together. So it came to mine and I emailed an invitation to my birthday lunch at a restaurant we'd been to before. Got an email back saying since it was someone else's birthday in 3 weeks' time, why not celebrate my birthday with theirs. I ignored the email and never went out for lunch with them again.

Bambamber · 12/09/2017 23:23

I had a 'friend' who's birthday was the day before mine. So we would plan one day of the weekend for him, and one for mine or just share both days as a joint celebration. Except every year without fail, my birthday would be completely forgotten and it would be all about him and his birthday and I would be shoved to one side and expected to buy him drinks. This was supposedly my best friend. Funnily enough that friendship never lasted although it took me a few years to really see him for who he really was!

I would just outright ask them why you couldn't still have your birthday night and your colleague have her separate birthday night. Just explain you was really looking forward to it and you feel a bit put out

Jux · 12/09/2017 23:26

Why can't you just ask? For all you know it wasn't a particularly popular decision or they all think it's a shared celebration but the bitch has pretended it isn't.

No harm in ketting people know you're disappointed, that your dh changed his plans so you could have the date originally chosen etc. No harm in finding out at really happened.

Theresnonamesleft · 12/09/2017 23:28

I would email them all and ask is this a wind up and who cancelled it. As far as you are aware the night is still on, and they are all invited to celebrate your 50th or whatever it is.
If rent a gob pipes up remind her she can have her day the following month. But yours still stands.

The only bitch is the one who decided to cancel for her own.

Theresnonamesleft · 12/09/2017 23:28

Oh and like fuck would I go to hers, or have anything to do with the day.

Nettletheelf · 12/09/2017 23:30

Make sure you go out in that red dress, whether with your colleagues or your husband.

I am annoyed on your behalf. Thoughtless sods.

Fleshy · 12/09/2017 23:36

They're just colleagues, not friends. It's a rare workplace where colleagues forced to spend hours of their lives together in exchange for money are actual friends, usually just barely tolerate each other. Go out on that night with people you like, don't waste your new dress and childcare because of these sad bastards.

eatabagofdicks · 12/09/2017 23:37

Can't you just reply to the email and see 'no actually, my birthday's still on. Milestone birthday so really excited to celebrate.'
Why are you being so passive doormat?

OkPedro · 12/09/2017 23:43

I'm confused sorry. You made plans to celebrate your birthday with work friends.. Everyone confirms they'll be there.. great.
You are off work for 2 weeks.. You come back and your Birthday night has been cancelled by a colleague?

Why have you not asked your friends what's going on?. why has your birthday night been cancelled?

Confused ConfusedConfused

SweetLuck · 12/09/2017 23:47

Oh god yes, surely if people knew you minded they'd be mortified!

BenLui · 12/09/2017 23:55

I would send this out to everyone:

"I understand that another night out has been arranged for x's birthday next month but this is is my 30th/40th (whatever) Birthday so as it's a big milestone I plan to celebrate it on x date.

We're planning to go to x,y,z and I'd love to see you there. Please let me know by x date if you can come. "

I'd invite some friends from outside work too so that it still goes ahead even it those mean girls don't make it.

If no one from work attends I'd take some awesome looking pictures and splash it all over Facebook. PA

yorkshireyummymummy · 13/09/2017 00:21

I like theresnonamesleft email idea asking if it's a wind up. I would also put that if anybody suggests you can ' share' with utter fucking bitch the other birthday girl , you can't because she has refused to share her celebration. I simply couldn't go to work for the next month not knowing what had gone on. And by the time it came around to cheeky cows day I would probably have to shove her smug face into a cake. But that's maybe just me!

MrLovebucket · 13/09/2017 00:36

a generalised idea of where and when was planned

Generalised? You said you've arranged for DH to look after the children and cancel his work do so it was specific, not generalised surely? Confused

An actual day/time was arranged and now it's all been cancelled (without telling you) in favour of someone else? Really? All very odd.

I'd definitely ask my colleagues wtf is going on if this happened to me. Then again I work with normal human beings unlike, seemingly, the majority of AIBU posters.

MrLovebucket · 13/09/2017 00:41
RubyBluesey · 13/09/2017 00:51

where do you work mr lovebucket?

chocatoo · 13/09/2017 00:53

Could they be organising some kind of surprise for you?

Agerbilatemycardigan · 13/09/2017 01:25

They sound like dicks OP.

lottieandmia · 13/09/2017 01:31

The woman in question is nasty but your other work colleagues are also to blame - they made a choice to go along with this. Therefore they aren't friends are they?

If they don't care about your feelings then spend your birthday with people who do.

Temporary2002 · 13/09/2017 01:41

You may work with them, but if they were actually friends this would not have happened. I would do what BenLui suggested.
BenLui

I would send this out to everyone:

"I understand that another night out has been arranged for x's birthday next month but this is is my 30th/40th (whatever) Birthday so as it's a big milestone I plan to celebrate it on x date.

We're planning to go to x,y,z and I'd love to see you there. Please let me know by x date if you can come. "

I'd invite some friends from outside work too so that it still goes ahead even it those mean girls don't make it.

Charolais · 13/09/2017 01:53

Don’t let anyone see you are hurt. Go out with hubby that night in your pretty red dress, have someone take a lovely photo of you in his arms - frame it and put it on your desk.

HeebieJeebies456 · 13/09/2017 02:16

They're your work colleagues, love, NOT your friends.......otherwise THEY would have spoken to you about the cancellation and havinga joint celebration.

Considering you don't even have the confidence to ask about something so obviously blatant, i think the 'friendship' is all in your head.

I would do what Temp has suggested - you take back control of your birthday and assert yourself to the lot of them at the same time.

Louiselouie0890 · 13/09/2017 02:18

They're not your friends

TheMaddHugger · 13/09/2017 02:39

(((((Hugs))) OP

AIBU non-Birthday girl has hijacked my night out
Gorgosparta · 13/09/2017 04:24

They arent your friends.

Personally, when told i would have just asked directly 'so you took it upon yourself to cancel the night out for birthday, so people would go to yours?....really?'

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/09/2017 04:55

Did you read the thread where the ops dds 16th was hijacked by a camping weekend? Over half of the girls suddenly couldn't make it. It sounds as if no one has grown up in your office and are still acting like these girls. Or rather like small children. I'm sorry you've been upset. This woman is a bully. It's always the genuine and nice people, who are shat on. It's jealousy, you know. Because you're not part of the crowd, and thus she's trying to assert dominance over you so you know your place and do as yours told. I'd definitely send the mail suggested up thread by BenLui. And crowd gather some friends from outside work.