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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU non-Birthday girl has hijacked my night out

144 replies

Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 12/09/2017 22:44

So this is a milestone celebration for me. Last month, a few of the girls and I were chatting. I said how long it's been since I've been able to just go for come cocktails and a dance. The girls arranged with all of the women to come out for drinks on my birthday. It was official for an email to be sent out, a show of hands, a generalised idea of where and when was planned.

I was excited and really pleased. I bought a new red dress and have made plans for hubby to stay home with the kids (he offered to cancel a works leaving do so that I could go!). Anyway, job done. Then I go on annual leave for two weeks.
I came back today and lo and behold. The birthday night out has been cancelled in favour of going out for another persons birthday the following month. To say I'm a little disappointed is an understatement. I was really looking forward to it. I suggested we share the night - she flat out refused!

To make matters worse, she's been harping on all day about how this is her last year before she turns that milestone to really celebrate. It's adding insult to injury.

I know it's all petty stuff so I can't really justify starting an office war but I'm pissed off. Since when did she get to change the plans in favour of her own? Why didn't anyone ask if I minded?

What do I do now?

OP posts:
Fudgefase · 14/09/2017 17:54

Ooh, I like you! Grin

FirstTimeMum07 · 14/09/2017 17:57

So they've cancelled your night out to go out a month later?

Why can't they do both?? Unless funds limit them

2rebecca · 14/09/2017 18:08

I wouldn't go to her bash and I would tell the others or send a group email excluding rude girl saying you're disappointed they cancelled your birthday event in favour of someone else's

Hmmalittlefishy · 14/09/2017 18:09

Sounds the best idea op. Ignore them and don't go out with them again but don't let it get to you

It sounds like you will have a much better night out with your husband anyway.
Have a lovely time and happy birthday when it comes .

simiisme · 14/09/2017 18:12

Very hurtful.
A few things could be going on; either she's one of those totally overpowering, domineering types who everyone humours. Or the people you think of as friends really aren't.
Like other people have suggested, speak to the person at work you feel that you get on with best with and ask why/how your night was cancelled.
I would not go to her do, and I'd be looking for somewhere else to work, unless there's a reasonable explanation.
Get sitters for your children, wear your lovely new dress and have a fab night out with your husband.

Viviennemary · 14/09/2017 18:15

That's extremely mean of them. Absolutely have nothing to do with the new party. You could send an e-mail round saying my birthday do is still on if anyone wants to come. Five star restaurant champagne it's all on me as you've had a windfall. Then when they've replied cancel it. I know you wouldn't but it is tempting.

2017RedBlue · 14/09/2017 18:15

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Hmmalittlefishy · 14/09/2017 18:18

Rtft op has spoken to her colleague

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/09/2017 18:25

No it's not petty.

You've been royally shit on from a great height.

I don't think there's anyone who wouldn't be pissed of at all.
As pp says These are not your friends.
I know its clique to say, but You'd be better off with enemies. At least you know exactly where you are with enemies

2rebecca · 14/09/2017 18:25

I have read the thread Mrs Patronising. The only colleague the OP has spoken to is the one she doesn't like who may be spinning things. If she genuinely thinks of the others as friends I would speak to them and tell them I was upset by the change of plan if I were her before giving up on them all.

TheEmmaDilemma · 14/09/2017 18:29

Netmums would have told you to shower her with love and glitter and shinny unicorns.

Original poster
Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 14/09/2017 18:36

I love some of the ideas - especially spermbrows 'cake cancelled'! Wink

But really, I do now think of them all as just colleagues. Not friends. It's amazing how something so small can really open your eyes to the people around you.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 14/09/2017 18:43

Absolute bloody bitches!! I am so sorry OP - how hurtful. Can you get changed into your new dress at work before leaving & go out looking fabulous? When they say "ooh nice dress/going somewhere special?" etc, you could say yes! I am off to celebrate my (milestone) birthday with my friends. Shame you all cancelled!"

Original poster
Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 14/09/2017 18:44

To answer some questions - I've only spoken to the other birthday girl.

I won't speak to the others as if I do start asking questions or if I do start telling them that I'm upset, I worry that it could turn into a stupid game of he said/she said. And I'm not interested in being involved in any petty spat over a night out.

I do think it was mean to not consult me before they chose to cancel the night. And if I didn't realise it before, then I certainly am aware now, that perhaps they don't like me. And if that is the case then it doesn't matter as we're paid to spend time together anyway.

Whatever the deal, I no longer care as long as things at work stay professionally amicable. I need the cash and job more than i need those friends x

OP posts:
WestEndVBroadway · 14/09/2017 18:49

Not much to offer except, Hope you have a great birthday with your real friends or family.

salsah · 14/09/2017 18:56

I wouldn't go to her night - just say sorry it's a clash with your diary. And then have your birthday with your real friends.

Everhopeful1 · 14/09/2017 19:10

Are you sure there is no 'surprise' party going on...perhaps your other half is in on it.....

MsMarple · 14/09/2017 19:23

I'd speak to at least one of the others - you can mention it casually without letting them know you are upset - just to make sure she hasn't told them some nonsense about you wanting to cancel your original night. They might all be thinking that you are blowing them out to spend the day with family, or whatever!

Whinesalot · 14/09/2017 19:33

When the right moment with a nicer one or two occurs, I'd drop it into conversation that you had been looking forward to a birthday night out and it is a shame that they cancelled it. I'd do it factually and unemotionally so that they don't see you upset. But that should make them feel guilty if they've got anything decent about them. They need to be pulled up on it even if it is mildly.

puddleduckmummy · 14/09/2017 19:42

Sounds like something the people I work with would do. That's a really horrible thing to do and I bet it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been away

niccyb · 14/09/2017 20:31

Yes she is a horrid bitch but why have your colleagues all agreed to this? They sound like sheep. How horrible for you

manicmij · 14/09/2017 20:39

Sounds childish but would be saying to mates as they didn't want to celebrate your birthday you don't want to celebrate anyone else's with them. Make your own arrangements for a celebration and stuff the lot of them.

Lovingit81 · 14/09/2017 20:51

They aren't your friends. Keep your distance at work it's the best way. Have a lovely birthday OP Cake

Boysgrownbutstillathome · 14/09/2017 20:53

It's your birthday so it's up to you whether your night is cancelled. Let your work friends know it is still happening and invite all your non-work friends as well.

MarvellousMonsters · 14/09/2017 21:23

Have you been invited to Office Bitches night out? If you have say you can't come, your DH had to rearrange work plans to stay at home with your children on your birthday night and can't change them again even though your night out was (inexplicably) cancelled.

And stop thinking of them as friends.

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