To feel at times that I live on an entirely different planet to other MNers?

[RozDoyle]

I'm not criticising. This place is great. I have had some amazingly advice and support from people here and it's brilliant. But sometimes i feel like I live in a completely different world to a lot of posters here. I probably won't articulate this very well but I'm going to have a bash.

Examples:

• little boys in dresses/the whole "gender neutral" thing. Literally all the parents I know irl just dress their kids in clothes typical to their sex i.e. Boys wear "boys clothes" and girls wear "girls clothes" and nothing is ever said about it. I have never seen a little boy in a dress, for example, because they'd likely be told not to wear a dress in case they were teased. Sad, but true..

• parents who cook every single meal from scratch. Always mega healthy and nutritious, and talk about it like it's the norm. In my world, most parents work and are simply too busy to cook from scratch every night (or too tired). No one "batch cooks" at the weekend. Its just whatever they can chuck in the oven after a hard day.

• how quick people are to shout "LTB". Now I should emphasise that I am not talking about cases of violence, cheating etc. But things like, a husband not pulling his weight around the house. In my experience, most people can't, and don't want to, leave their husbands, to whom they have children, for issues such as that. It's an extreme solution and it makes me wonder if these same people would really walk out of their marriage over such trivial matters.

I'm sure I have loads more examples but I can't think of them right now. Just wondered if anyone else feels this way?

I'm always a bit at the amount of drama people have in their lives.

I don't row much with DH or my teens. I've never had a row with a neighbour, or a colleague or a fellow parent at school. And I'm quite shouty by nature!

The swimming thing is interesting. I grew up in a hot country with easy access to a pool (there were swimming clubs with pools in every neighbourhood) and so I went swimming almost every day after school and learned to swim early. So I taught DS1 to swim and then put him in lessons to improve. He's 5 and can now swim 20 metres on his front and back with a half decent stroke. I enjoy swimming though and swam competitively for a bit so don't mind the packing and unpacking and changing etc.
In DS1's class, fairly posh SW London area, I would say about 50% of the kids can swim. And a similar percentage can ride a bike without stabilisers.

Same here Getahaircut, I thought this kind of drama was just on soaps until I read MN! Then my mum got some new neighbours and I saw drama in the flesh There are some really difficult people around.

The school gate drama, I've me we had.And I've been at the school quite a lot.Im not saying it doesn't happen but some posters come on and they have a problem with everyone.

Makes me think it's not the rest of the world, you're the problem.

Has anyone mentioned the 3 showers a day people yet? Or clean pyjamas every night? Do people own 7 pairs of pyjamas? 7 pairs per person in the household?
It always amazes me that people have the time for 3 showers a day (or the money, but I got my head ripped off on a thread once for saying that).

The driving thing annoys me-when people say "learn to drive" like it's always so simple.
For one thing it's REALLY expensive. Not just the lessons, but then buying a vehicle and the extortionate new driver insurance.
If i hadn't learned before I had dc I would never have had the cash after. As it was I had no car for years because I couldn't afford to buy one.
Also, aside from the obvious freedom they provide, cars are basically a bad thing for everyone in that they are polluting, dangerous, reliant on fossil fuels, kill local shops, kill decent public transport and turn some people into raving maniacs...OK being able to drive is a nessecity in lots of places but it shouldn't be in cities and towns. Anyway, I know lots of people that don't drive, just because they have never had the spare cash to learn.

spagetti I live outside of the U.K. where summer is boiling. I have three showers a day because it's so needed.

DH grew up in relative poverty and has a thing about fresh towels. Bed sheets are washed once a week, sometimes more often. Handtowels are changed daily. We have a dryer which is used quite a bit. It's gas so relatively cheap to run.

I like Mumsnet for the glimpses of lives lived differently. I think it has really opened my eyes to just how little some people have to manage on and given me more insight into the difficulties for children with SEN.

Someone upthread mentioned knowing no one in real life who breastfeeds toddlers, uses sling or waits until 6 months to wean. Well I live in an area where those things are vanishingly rare but I do them/ have done them because they suit me and my children. It's great to have a source of information and support when you feel out of kilter without the people around you.

I do avoid the cleaning/ washing threads though because I think a lot of Mumsnetters would think me terribly grubby

I think someone else mentioned being amazed at people who don't care if someone parks outside their house. I'm the opposite. I was genuinely staggered to discover anyone could care so much about parking. The parking threads are this bizarre insight into another world. I live in a city centre and would have gone mad in weeks trying to protect "my" parking space.

I'm kind of jealous of the people who get enough reliable parking to be able to get territorial!

See, I can't drive and it's never affected mine or anyone else's life in the slightest. I've never asked for a lift (although I've occasionally been offered them), I don't expect my husband to be my taxi service, and I can get where I need to go (even as a wheelchair user) without too much hassle.

None of my grandparents could drive, my mum can't and neither can my (male) cousin. It just isn't an issue. It's what buses and trains are for. The only direct effect I can think of is that I would never live in a village with no public transport, but I wouldn't want to live in a village anyway.

It makes me laugh the amount of outrage it causes on here. It seems to be seen as the answer to a multitude of problems. In our case it would be pointless as DH takes the car to work and I refuse to pay for a second car on the off-chance I might want to use it once a month.

YY Violet The trivia that some get worked up about on here is astonishing.

The pound coins thread from yesterday is a case in point. Even more so that most people on the thread agreed with the OP.

The pound coins thread from yesterday is a case in point.

Sounds interesting. What happened?

Pound coins thread.

OP gives work colleagues lifts and they pay towards petrol and the money is generally just left in the car. One of colleagues asks if she can swap some of the notes for pound coins and the OP says yes so she does.

OP then posts that she is annoyed because the pound coins were the old type and she should swap them back. 90% of responses agree that the colleague who swapped the coins was very unreasonable, cheeky fucker and called all the names under the sun.

I was in the minority as I really didn't see what the fuss was about and thought that the OP could just pay for her petrol with the pound coins next time she filled up.

I know its time limited but seeing as she commutes and builds up a few tens of pounds in petrol money from her colleagues it seemed more than reasonable that she would be spending at least £30 on petrol in the next five weeks before the old pound coins can't be used any more, so a total non issue.

I wasn't aware that there was an expiry on the old coins.

That seems pretty trivial.

I dont drive,its never impacted on my life.I never ask for lifts but sometimes im offered.And when i say no,its like i smacked them in the gob.

Think it's October Re coins.

I couldn't believe the thread about how often do you wash your bra and some pp wash them AFTER EVERY SINGLE WEAR! I daren't post how often I wash mine....

Inigo I think you don't get a balanced view on the wash threads. Sometimes the people who wash everything daily are so adamant anything else is scummy that people are embarrassed to post.

I'd be annoyed about the coins I'm not a handy dumping ground for your soon to be out of date coins people! Be nice!!

Very true, OP.

I agree with urging people to LTB over minor transgressions. Save the LTB for men who are violent or complete arses, not someone who occasionally leaves a pair of pants on the floor or might want to have a beer with his mates.

The other thing is "report to your line manager" when someone posts about a work problem. Who has a line manager? We don't all work in the public sector. And "keep your nose out" when a colleague is taking the mickey. MN dictates you are supposed to sit there grinning like the Cheshire cat in the face of any poor behaviour.

After being on MN I loudly tut at receiving requests for money for weddings (and as for when I received a poem ) and also don't go in disabled loos if the others are occupied. I did this recently and the person behind said, "That one's free." "Oh, no," said I, "A disabled person might come along." "You're fucking insane!" was the reply.

One of my sons wears dresses because he loves Disney princesses and likes to dress up as them. They had a dress up day at school and another boy told him he looked like a girl, my son said "I'm not a girl. I'm a princess." and I've never been prouder. I wouldn't stop him wearing dresses in case he gets teased, if he wants to stop because he's been teased that's fine. I also cook from scratch every day except Saturday because I love cooking and I have the time.

BUT there are certainly things other people speak about that baffle me too. My husband helps out without being prompted by me, that is seemingly a rare thing across MN! I don't drive which people on here would string me up for. I wash bras every two weeks (if that). And I certainly don't change my pyjamas every night! Everyone has there things that would leave people open mouthed.

I cook 'from scratch ' (hate that term now ) around 5 days a week. Other days are leftovers or Aldi oven pizza and chips.
The other day I burnt the cooking so we had super noodles. I used to batch cook because I worked really long hours during the week and wanted to relax during my evenings .

I have a few acquaintances who do the whole gender neutral thing .I find it presumptuous and unnecessary and ironically they end focussing massively on gender and it is anything but neutral in reality ( for e.g. Telling their ds that he can be a girl for the day if he fancies wearing pink ).They ask that others refrain from using gender pronouns around their kids ( who are still primary school age) in case on that specific day that child is identifying with a different gender to their sex. How exhausting .

I do have one friend who insists on dressing her little boy in a dress sometimes. It's all for show though, she's trying to make a statement. Most people I know though find it really odd.

I cook from scratch occasionally, but certainly not all the time.

Everyone I know would be single if they LTB went by what was said on here!

Other things I've noticed on MN that are different to real life are -
GCSEs/ A levels - on MN, everyone's kids are high achievers and looking for RG unis. I've never even heard anyone mention a RG uni irl. Most if my friends kids are doing ok at school or just scraping through.

Savings - most people I know have very little/ no savings and significant debt.

School run - I met some of my best friends through the school run and PTA.

Newborn baby's and family - I've never met anyone irl who doesn't want any family to visit

violet My MIL wanted to be at the birth of all 3 DC. I just told DH that no one apart from him is allowed in the room. My obn played along as she didn't want an audience either. It wasn't worthy of a thread. I just said 'No, if I have your mother my mother has to be here and then if my mother is here my sister will want to be here. It's too many people, too much fuss and not what I want. They can visit after when we are home.'

GCSEs/ A levels - on MN, everyone's kids are high achievers and looking for RG unis. I've never even heard anyone mention a RG uni irl. Most if my friends kids are doing ok at school or just scraping through.

Possibly a London-bubble thing. I don't know anyone who doesn't assume their child has a fair shot at Oxbridge.

The newborn baby thing, I totally agree. I've never met anyone IRL who feels this way. I'd be completely deflated if my children didn't want me around when their babies arrive - I just don't know how I'd cope.

violet My MIL wanted to be at the birth of all 3 DC.

Eek.