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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

750 replies

therealbridgetjones · 11/09/2017 20:54

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

OP posts:
NikiBarbie · 11/09/2017 22:05

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

And yet, notwithstanding how amazing you are, you are in your late twenties and single.

Why does no one want you?

If you want to reject out of hand people as not good enough for you, be prepared to take some criticism yourself.

LilQueenie · 11/09/2017 22:05

Some of the wealthiest people started work in shops.

NinonDeLenclos · 11/09/2017 22:07

I don't think the shop thing is really the issue, it's the working part time and living at home that's the problem (and never having lived independently).

You can date who the hell you like OP, you don't have to explain yourself to MN. I wouldn't date him either.

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 11/09/2017 22:08

I think the point is tho Sara, whilst OP doesn't want or need a man with
a money tree, she doesn't want a man to look to her for this either. I've been there, it doesn't work out. Interestingly, of the successful career men I know, the majority married/dated women who were also in successful careers. I don't think the Cinderella story actually happens in reality

NinonDeLenclos · 11/09/2017 22:08

Some of the wealthiest people started work in shops

He's hardly starting is he? He's 34!

Original poster
therealbridgetjones · 11/09/2017 22:09

And yet, notwithstanding how amazing you are, you are in your late twenties and single.

Why does no one want you?

Wow. I don't think I stated I was amazing anywhere?

OP posts:
squoosh · 11/09/2017 22:09

And yet, notwithstanding how amazing you are, you are in your late twenties and single.

Why does no one want you?

Crime of the fucking century.

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 11/09/2017 22:10

Lil, I anticipate those people were also highly ambitious and driven, which OP already knows is not the case with this guy

ArcheryAnnie · 11/09/2017 22:10

And yet, notwithstanding how amazing you are, you are in your late twenties and single.

Why does no one want you?

We've now arrived in the eighteenth century. Nearly thirty and not yet wed! Oh my!

OP, you have more and more of my sympathy, the longer this thread gets.

Original poster
therealbridgetjones · 11/09/2017 22:10

Bold fail...

But no I don't think I'm amazing. Clearly not, or I wouldn't still be single. Does that mean I should start just dating anyone?

OP posts:
histinyhandsarefrozen · 11/09/2017 22:10

The vast majority of normal women I know wouldn't dream of dating a part time worker who, in his 30s, lived with his mum and dad!

Surely those who like the sound of him should be thrilled there's less competition?

fastdaytears · 11/09/2017 22:10

^And yet, notwithstanding how amazing you are, you are in your late twenties and single.

Why does no one want you?^

Jesus did someone actually just type that?

SuzukiLi · 11/09/2017 22:10

Can't believe the stick you're getting OP! You've done nothing wrong!

pictish · 11/09/2017 22:11

I wouldn't date a man who worked part time in a shop. I'm not in a highly paid job and neither am I a snob...he just couldn't keep up with me and my lifestyle. I'd definitely look for a potential partner to have the means to be at least self-sufficient. Part-time shop job means I'm paying his way or curbing my choices.

Do we owe every Tom, Dick or Harry that wants a date, a shot? Do we hell. It's ok to be selective.

MissJSays · 11/09/2017 22:11

YANBU!

squoosh · 11/09/2017 22:11

Every single twenty something woman should carry a bell so as to warn everyone that a malformed beast is in their presence.

fastdaytears · 11/09/2017 22:12

No I wouldn't go on this date either. Don't talk yourself into a date ever.

ClashCityRocker · 11/09/2017 22:12

Dunno, working part time in a shop whilst living at home having never left whilst he's in his thirties would put me off initially.

The never having left home thing more than anything.

It's one of them where if I did meet them naturally and liked them, I wouldn't rule them out because of it but that isn't the situation....

But damn right you're allowed to be picky when going on a date. He might be a wonderful bloke - and if he is, it's your loss. But it's your choice to make and you shouldn't feel obliged to go on a date to prove how unsnobby you are....it isn't fair on either you or him.

Alisvolatpropiis · 11/09/2017 22:12

Erm...I work in retail management and I wouldn't date this man.

On paper he seems to be lacking in ambition and independence. Both factors would be very off putting to me. I have a child, I wouldn't much fancy acquiring a man child as a boyfriend.

NikiBarbie · 11/09/2017 22:12

Wow. I don't think I stated I was amazing anywhere?

It's implied in your superior attitude. But you're still single at late 20's and name yourself the realbridgetjones.

Bridget had some humility though. You don't. You've actually come on here to point out how good you are and how you don't want to go on a date with a shop worker. Don't then. Why ask us.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 11/09/2017 22:13

Are you the guy's mum, niki?

fullofhope03 · 11/09/2017 22:14

How does anyone know whether or not his guy has ambition or not just because he works in retail? Just asking. And, I worked in retail for many years and am offended and frankly appalled by your ignorant attitude.

QueenMortificado · 11/09/2017 22:14

Niki those messages are horrible and you're obviously projecting some real insecurity on to the OP

TimingIsEverything · 11/09/2017 22:14

Why is your friend pushing you to date this man? Does she hate him? Confused

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 11/09/2017 22:14

Niki has the op said no one wants her

Maybe she just won't go out with anyone just for the sake of being in a relationship

The views on here are like something from the 70's surprised no one has mentioned the clock is ticking yet as for giving him a chance she isn't a charity date worker

Op don't just give someone the chance becuase they might be nice unless you are intrigued and certainly don't feel you shouldn't want someone who is what you see as being equal or has the same outlook on life

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