To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

[therealbridgetjones]

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

"This is a problem for OP -- lack of ambitions."

Having a career isn't the only ambition people can have in life. I have lots of ambitions that have nothing to do with my job.

Actually, they'd probably be better off being a bit less "snobby' if they want to keep up with their careers after having kids. A lower-earning partner who can put your DD's career first and take time out to care for the children is often the best possibly choice of spouse of an ambitious woman.

I wouldn't judge anyone on their job. At least the are working. You don't know what's going on in their life. I have a chronic condition and can only manage part time hours.

I probably wouldn't be interested in dating someone with a chronic condition either., mental or physical Singing up to (most probably) a lifetime of care and poverty? No thanks.

Different once you are long term partners, or married but at the start of dating why choose someone who is going to make life harder not easier?

Pigs, I'm too honest for my own good! I'd feel awful wasting everyone's time on a fake post!

@Bluntness100

Would that be working hard in his part time hours then that would do it for you?

Do we know he only works is contacted hours? I worked part time in retail - 16 hours contract - but I often actually worked full time hours.

Actually, they'd probably be better off being a bit less "snobby' if they want to keep up with their careers after having kids. A lower-earning partner who can put your DD's career first and take time out to care for the children is often the best possibly choice of spouse of an ambitious woman.

Interesting perspective actually!

Of the 6 women I know who are the most high achieving - 3 are childless, 2 have a SAHD who wasn't that career minded in the first place and the last did have a v high flying husband but he jacked in his city job to be a SAHD in the early years and then built up a bit of a property business once the children were older.

your attitude just stinks of you thinking you're better than others

I have friends who are better at academia than I am; I am better at sport. I have friends who are better at organisation; I'm better at money management. We can't all be equal at everything so why should we pretend to be?

histinyhandsarefrozen Considering it's what the majority of people want in life, then yes, it would probably be upsetting for them.

Yeah but if its a choice between some fella in his 30s who has never left home and only works part-time many of us would be quite happy not to bother.

Fortunately, that's not the only choice.

Your friend is an idiot, she needs to look up the definition of Gold Digger

DH and I are childhood sweethearts

We know, you've only mentioned it 3 times.

Has anyone been out with someone with no ambition? As I found it bloody tiring. Never any encouragement to work towards something, no interest in my work or job prospects. My ex spent his spare time (and he had lots of it), playing on his computer. Occasionally he would write a CV, but he only ever applied for one job. Eventually he got a job working for his parents, as it required no effort. We grew apart and split up.

Lack of ambition is really unattractive.
It's perfectly acceptable to not want to go out with someone who you don't think you'll be compatible with.

A lower-earning partner who can put your DD's career first and take time out to care for the children is often the best possibly choice of spouse of an ambitious woman

Yeah and a cat that shits money would be the best possible choice of pet, but good luck with that as well!

it's simply that people's attitudes in this thread to those they consider beneath them is shocking

How bizzare. She can date who she wants with whatever criteria she chooses, your deep seated desire to shame her choices is what's shocking. It's not he is beneath her, again that's your chip on your shoulder, it's he is too different too her.

A lower-earning partner who can put your DD's career first and take time out to care for the children is often the best possibly choice of spouse of an ambitious woman

I want a man who can share with me equally. I don't need a low earner to do that. I find the idea shocking.

I worked part time in retail - 16 hours contract - but I often actually worked full time hours

We can only really go on what she says, which is he works part time in a supermarket and assume that's accurate.

Maybe all those telling the OP she is shallow and unreasonable should pop over to the relationships board to see how many women are stuck with men-children like this..

Exactly.

You know what as well, MsChildhoodSweathearts, there is actually nothing wrong with thinking you are better than others. We don't have to be meek shy little women who don't see out own worth you know.

Lack of ambition is really unattractive

Exactly. Proudly raising two dds who think the same.

Just because someone works in a shop doesn't mean they don't have ambitions, and people can have ambitions outside having a career.

Just because someone works in a shop doesn't mean they don't have ambitions, and people can have ambitions outside having a career

For the fifteenth time, when they work part time in a shop and live with their parents in their 30's, it certainly suggests a lack of ambition.

people can have ambitions outside having a career

Sure they can but if you can't support yourself financially and expect others to do it for you then those other ambitions are a little cheeky in my view..

YANBU in the sense that you can choose to go out with who you want.. however you sound like a right snob

"For the fifteenth time, when they work part time in a shop and live with their parents in their 30's, it certainly suggests a lack of ambition."

It could also suggest someone who has lost their job and fell on hard times. Someone who is a mature student with ambitions towards getting a degree and supporting themselves. Someone who gave up a career to look after elderly parents.

You know what they say about assumptions.

Point is, surely better to actually meet the person rather than making a judgement based on little or no real information. If the OP knows that it is a 30 year old who works 10 hours a week and still gets his mum to wash his uniform I'd have a bit more sympathy towards her pov.

You would be unreasonable to date this person as you believe you are so much better than him to begin with.
You are clearly ambitious and need money and you are attracted to a different type than this man.
That's neither bad or good just obviously different to the values this man has.

"For the fifteenth time, when they work part time in a shop and live with their parents in their 30's, it certainly suggests a lack of ambition."

Best tell my BIL that as that is exactly what he did for a while.

He now earns a high end 6 figure salary.