To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

[therealbridgetjones]

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

If it was good enough for you it should be good enough for her?

Don't be a bitch. That implies that you think MrsEileithyia is settling.

No it doesn't. It implies that people have different boundaries and needs. OP is entitled to make hers as she chooses, same as we all are.

is ok to judge a man for living with his parents?

She's an adult woman and can judge her potential partners how she flippin well like she. We've all done it, haven't we? When doing online dating, I made a rule of disregarding any woman that messaged me using text speak.

My MIL was grateful when I took dh off her hands at 27! The main issue was MIL made it too comfortable for him to stay at home and not move out.

I wouldn't judge anyone on their job. At least the are working. You don't know what's going on in their life. I have a chronic condition and can only manage part time hours.

Laurie: Ifhe lives at home, perhaps he can't afford to move out?

Well, yes. I think that's the point. Although not, as it has been clarified by numerous posters that he is obviously caring for a relative / learning computer programming before he gets head hunted to Silicone Valley on a 6 figure sum and the OP learns a valuable lesson.

I lived at home for 2 and a half years and had many part time jobs in that time (at one point I had 4 jobs plus my own Etsy business plus a volunteer role!!). I'd had to move back with my parents because I couldn't find sustainable work where I was living. It took me all of those 2.5 years to finally land a proper full time job!

I'm not saying this is the case here - he might be lazy, he might be a weirdo, he might be too dependant on his parents, he might be uneducated. But it's also possible he's just going through a bad patch in life.

Obviously i don't know his circumstances, but I just want to point out that an adult living at home with a part time job in retail isn't necessarily an un-dateable loser and won't necessarily be a low earner forever!

The bottom line though is that OP is free to date as she chooses.

Well, yes. I think that's the point. Although not, as it has been clarified by numerous posters that he is obviously caring for a relative / learning computer programming before he gets head hunted to Silicone Valley on a 6 figure sum and the OP learns a valuable lesson.

YADNBU! At the stage of life I'm at now (late twenties) I wouldn't be interested in a man who couldn't support himself and would never date a man who lived at home unless there was a strong cultural reason for this, i.e. Some Asian communities where it's the norm. I find the majority of people who are still at home are pretty lazy, dependent and immature and wouldn't be compatible with them as someone who values independence and hasn't lived at home since 18!

i grew up in poverty at times and saw the incredible stress it put on my parents trying to survive on a low income, I've strived to get a decent career and have a good profession, am dual qualified, several degrees and earn well and my career path forecasts my income will rise. I have worked in shops and factories and delivered pizzas and made coffees for a living and the struggle of being on min wage was horrendous. I don't want a child with someone who can't pull their weight and earn a living wage, I'm not talking riches but i would probably not date someone earning minimum wage as it's so hard to have a life on that. I have a pretty modest lifestyle but it would be sad not to be able to do the stuff I do with my partner like go to gigs, city breaks etc and drive a wedge.

I just want someone my equal. I don't think I'd be compatible with someone living st home and working part time in a shop. And when I was those things in my late teens I wouldn't have blamed a guy with a good job and his own place for passing me by either!

Ps when I say 'own home' I don't mean own, just renting and having your own place. A guy living in a house share would be fine with me. Just someone independent from parents. I don't want to live my life scrabbling for money and dealing with the stress. I've been bankrupt mid twenties and I never want to go back to that.

You can dismiss a date for any reason OP!

That implies that you think MrsEileithyia is settling

No it does not, that's what your thought process is, not mine. Don't put words in my mouth based on your own feelings.

What it means is everyone views what is good as different, that poster thinks it's good, the op doesn't. One mans meat Is another mans poison.

There is no settling about it, the poster clearly thinks it's good for her and she's very happy. That's great, the point is it doesn't mean it is good for everyone else and all women should follow suit. We are all individuals with the right of choice.

ravioli

I don't think women on here should be dissuaded from being picky. Too many women's expectations are far too low.

Maybe all those telling the OP she is shallow and unreasonable should pop over to the relationships board to see how many women are stuck with men-children like this...

Quite.

Ps my ex earned a fair bit less than me but it was almost £20k, I probably sound like a snob but that was fine in my book, enough to pay the bills save a little and have some fun. We lived in a low cost of living area. I think that's about the min threshold I'd like to see in someone I'm building a life with. I suspect my above post made it look like I want someone on £100k 😂

Bluntness100 where in my post did I put I have no respect for other OPs choices? Could you point that out for me please?

I was pointing out that I am in a happy relationship with someone who doesn't earn what I earn and it works for me. I think you're the arrogant one for assuming I believe everyone has to make the same choices as I do.

So take your aggressive little post, screw it up into a little ball, and shove it up your arse. Or, maybe wash that sand out of your vagina? Maybe you won't be quite so grumpy and jump down people's throats? How's that for a point?

95% of the posters slating the OP would never date a Mummy's Boy themselves.

Or a part-time layabout.

Laurie - if he can't afford to move out, but wants to, he needs to get a better paid job. If he can't - hat would suggest that intellectually he's not matched with the op, if he won't - that suggests he lacks the drive and ambition of the op. Either way, he's not a good match for her.

There's a world of difference between saying "I want a rich man who will keep me" and "I only want to date a man who's my equal".

I don't want to live my life scrabbling for money and dealing with the stress

Agree. I've been there too as a child and it's all very noble and romantic until you need a new boiler, or the car repair bill comes in and your husbands sitting on the sofa scratching his arse cause he's done his 16 hours down Tesco s.

Mrs did you not notice that Bluntness was responding to a different poster who referenced you, not to you?
would you like to apologise for that pointless nastiness?

Don't go. HE IS TOO GOOD FOR YOU!

So take your aggressive little post, screw it up into a little ball, and shove it up your arse

Touched a nerve, huh?

No ball, if you look further down the post she quoted my entire post and responded with a nasty little quip of her own. So no, I don't care to apologise.

No she didn't. WTF are you reading?

No, not touched a nerve. Just pissed me off how you took a post with no aggressiveness intended and turned it into something else entirely. It's not nice. So I responded in kind.

Look at 10:33am ball.