To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

[therealbridgetjones]

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

[ChickenBhuna]

Thing is op , you are judging his situation using very few facts. What if he's living with his parents in order to save for a deposit on his own place? As others have said , what if he is working in retail whilst studying part time?

Whilst you have every right to say no to any date and give no reason whatsoever , I do think you could be missing an opportunity here to meet a great guy. If you don't go then you'll never know.

Also something to consider is how you would handle it if you met a man with similar earnings that was ambitious etc and he lost his job and suffered a period of unemployment...or if he became ill and unable to work?

[ArcheryAnnie]

You don't need any reason at all to not go on a date with someone. You aren't obliged to give anyone you don't want to a chance at dating you.

You might want to be aware, however, that in many cultures (including ones with substantial communities in the UK) that adult children living at home is not just the norm, but the responsible and respectable thing to do, so I would not judge him by that alone.

On the shop thing: he's got a job and is clearly prepared to work hard, as retail is no picnic. If that still means he's not for you, then that's fine, too, but it doesn't necessarily mean he has no ambition.

[EamonnWright]

ShatnersBassoon

Is he definitely thick? It's just that your friend seems to think he'd be a good match for you..

[fruitlovingmonkey]

Haha Serf I meant the living with his parents part as short term!
A one night stand in the family home could be a bit awkward.

[therealbridgetjones]

He isn't studying!!! As I've stated several times.

Yes I don't know him and I admit that he could be lovely. But from all I've heard (and asked) he's just a bit of a man-child still.

[SerfTerf]

[EnthusiasmIsDisturbed]

Yanbu

He doesn't appeal to you and you are not interested end of

You have no reason to give him a chance unless you are desperate and give anyone a chance

[Etymology23]

You can definitely work in a shop and be ambitious, or senior and/or be a lovely person. The same applies to living with your parents. However, ultimately it's up to you who you date.

I'm not ambitious, and I work part time, but I own my house (mortgaged). I ultimately want a partner who has their act together because I have no desire to become their mother. I want someone who can drive, has at least enough drive to be planning to move out and who has an appropriate attitude to work, given my attitude. Those are personal preferences and I'm allowed to have them!

[squoosh]

I met some quite unsuitable men. It was lovely.

I'm fond of an assignation with an unsuitable man. Sexy unsuitable though rather than living with his ma and pa unsuitable.

[maudeismyfavouritepony]

Working in a shop -intrigued to know more about him nonetheless.

Living with parents - maybe he is a carer to one of them?

YABU.

[Toddlermayhem]

Yanbu to refuse a date for any reason you like.

Your friend shouldn't keep pushing you to go on a date when you've said no.

I do think you shouldn't limit yourself or judge people by their job or living arrangements. People can have all sorts of qualities beyond money, ambition and status.

Use your imagination? Sometimes opposites attract too.

[Alicetherabbit]

Ask your friend why she thinks you'll hit it off. Imo if you are ambitious and passionate about career it is generally something only someone else who is driven the same way will appreciate, how much will you have in common if you speak about work? Dh is less ambitious than I, but it works because he is passionate about his chosen career.
Not belittling shop workers at all, but if he's part time and not mgmt then his interested obviously lie outside of working.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

YWBVVVU to go on a date with this guy. He deserves far better. Karma may bite you on your smug shallow arse if you're not careful.

[SerfTerf]

Yes I don't know him and I admit that he could be lovely. But from all I've heard (and asked) he's just a bit of a man-child still.

Yes we get the drift. Try this one, it's subtler

[Escapepeas]

So apparently it's ok to guilt a woman into going onto a date with a man she's not interested in by telling her she's a stuck-up cow if she doesn't.

[ReanimatedSGB]

It's your friend I'm slightly concerned about. Why is she trying to set you up with a lazy manbaby in the first place? Does she think you're desperate, or that you are too independent and therefore need a man to drain you of your ambitions? Has she settled for a loser so as not to be single and therefore wants everyone else to be the same?

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Hold on is this a case of wind them up and watch them go.

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

YANBU - he sounds like he's living the lifestyle of someone in their late teens, part time "it'll do" job, living at Mum and Dads, not sure what he wants to do with his life. Fine at 19, bit of a worry at 30-something.

There is nothing wrong with wanting an equal.

[indigox]

YANBU, not sure why so many people here have such an issue with it.

Knowing what you want out of life and wanting to be with a similar partner doesn't make you a snob.

[mumtri]

My dh works part time in a supermarket too, no travel costs, no stresses but ok he did move out of home when we got together, he also has great staying power and a magic wand so I forgive him for everything else! 😂😂 sorry TMI?!

[SerfTerf]

Hold on is this a case of wind them up and watch them go.

You might say that...

[therealbridgetjones]

I've had some shit dates lately and she thinks I should try dating a 'lovely guy' as opposed to one who messes me around.

No I'm not stirring. Just trying to work out if this is where I'm going wrong with dating.

[EnthusiasmIsDisturbed]

Silly op when will women learn you can't have it all

You have been successful worked hard and progressed and have the audacity to want to go out with someone who has similarly done the same

You should be grateful for any man that may be interested in you or at least give them a chance

[CockacidalManiac]

Hold on is this a case of wind them up and watch them go.

It might be, but I'm not daft enough to make two reportable posts on the same thread...

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

A Job's a job, op. There's no shame in earning an honest living