To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

[therealbridgetjones]

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

work hard and want the same in a partner therefore I won't date a shop worker.. who works part time and lives with his parents

I look forward to reading it. This is in a dating capacity though huh. I personally would not date a bloke that lived with his mother and worked in a shop. Its not being nasty its stating my preference, so to make everything all the time about others having to feel some sort of guilt is bizarre.

You've seen retail employees come onto the thread and express hurt. Lots of them. Don't you get it?

I get it. But if they think working part time in a shop is working hard they really need to think about people who do 14 hour night shifts in a ward or similar, and get a grip.
Working in a shop is a perfectly worthwhile and normal job. I've done it myself. No value judgement at all. Just some realism about doing it , and particularly part time is needed.

Living with your parents has what bearing on whether you're a hard worker then? That's a side issue to the hard working or otherwise isn't it?

Anyway, Really and Helena probably have a point. So I'm off. I don't want to aide and abet and tabloid fishing.

I don't want to date a bloke that still lives with mummy at the age of 30. Is that so disgusting? really?

Living with your parents has what bearing on whether you're a hard worker then? That's a side issue to the hard working or otherwise isn't it?

It's probably linked. If you're too lazy to move out of mummies house in your thirties, you're probably not winning worker of the month either.
It all adds to the same picture.

But hey, if that's the kind of dude that lights your candle, have at it.

Exactly hairy.

Then you get.. you're rude, then you get you didn't explain yourself, then you get you're goady. What can one do except laugh at such bizarre posts.

I can't wait to see the comments in the Daily Mail when they pick this up. Or what Loose Women/TWS have to say about it.

This thread seems to have de-railed a bit, so back to the OP: No you're not being unreasonable to not want to go out with a man that lives with his parents and works part time in a supermarket. You're entitled to have whatever standards you want when dating, and wanting a man with enough independence to have moved out of his parents' house by 30 certainly isn't an unrealistic criteria.

You're friend is being unreasonable in trying to shame you. If he's such a bloody great catch then why didn't she go out with him when she had the chance?!

What would happen if you met this man in a bar, love at first sight, fall completely in love straight away then find out the job/living at home stuff?

Mrscrabbytree, neither OP nor any other contributor is denigrating the intellect or personality of somebody who works in a supermarket. They really are not. But when it comes to a relationship, all the stimulating conversation in the world isn't going to make up for the fact that the higher wage earner is ultimately going to feel they've either compromised on their lifestyle, or that they are paying more than their way. It's a fact, not a slight on the other person.

Sparklingbrook, it would falter further down the road when practicality settled in.

Do you think so Happy? That's a shame. There's a lot to be said for love at first sight, chemistry, fireworks etc.

There is sparkling but the intensity of those things diminishes as time goes on and a couple settle into a partnership. That's where reality will bite. If there's no long term plan then it doesn't matter but if OP is looking ultimately to settle then it's important.

I am not so sure. It''s a hypothetical situation, just pondering.

I hope both the OP and the man in question find someone that suits their requirements.

Hear hear Sparkling (bit early I know...)

Yanbu. Nothing wrong with minimum standards. Too many women are desperate for any male attention and thus end up ruining their lives. Though to be fair in your instance OP the living at home part when he's in his thirties is the red flag.

YANBU in the slightest.

I've rejected people for far worse reasons than the ones given but, at the end of the day it's pointless dating someone you don't want to be with.

Wow, the way some folks are behaving on here I've no clue why this bloke is single. He'd have women chucking themselves at him in Tesco.

" you work part time you say, and live with your parents, you say, never lived independently. Hubba hubba "

He might work in Fortnum and Mason.

YANBU this guy wouldn't appeal to me either. Not the shop part so much but living at home with parents in their 30s is seriously unattractive

I think dating is the one area where you should be allowed to be really choosy, for whatever quirky reasons you want (except being a gold digger, but the OP is not that). You're auditioning someone to see if you might want to spend your life with them as a partner. No one expects you to settle down with someone who is OK, but has traits or looks that you simply don't find appealing.
You should be open minded in general, have friends who are different from you, and make choices you wouldn't, but you surely shouldn't date someone just because you feel you ought to be inclusive!?

I think the argument 'for' is that it's not cool to judge people's worth based on so little information. Which in general, is correct.

However, in a society that very much likes to see women being 'nice' and nursing a sense of obligation to men, it's perfectly acceptable for the OP to say that this guy doesn't interest her in a romantic or sexual way, owing to his lifestyle choices. If there was more to those than meets the eye, her friend would have told her.
It's OP's choice and she's made it. That so many of you are against her having that choice and making that call is very telling. Like you think she's displaying some lack of moral fibre by not wanting to go out with him! You think she owes him a shot!
She can reject him for any reason she likes...she doesn't owe him an audience, she doesn't have to be nice to him and after all the work she has put in over the years, she doesn't have to agree to meet up with some bloke who didn't do the same!

Fucking hell!