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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

750 replies

therealbridgetjones · 11/09/2017 20:54

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

OP posts:
SerfTerf · 12/09/2017 02:22

But you might say that as you work full time you do actually work harder than someone who works part time (assuming no caring responsibilities and/or disabilities etc)?

Well actually my hours fluctuate wildly.

But even FT and boring 9-5 hours, it's wonderful to be able to do what you trained to do, to get paid decently, to sit in a lovely chair that you chose, fo to the loo when you need to do and do interesting work.

Without being too schmaltzy about it, it IS a privilege. Lots of talented people have to compromise on their careers path for whatever reason.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:23

working part time in a shop isn't working hard! I have done it.

Then you weren't doing your job properly.

silverbell64 Again, great way to dodge the question Grin

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:23

Oh give it a rest what. No one was being rude, its in your head.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:23

It's not rude, it's fucking reality! Get a grip.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:24

Then you weren't doing your job properly

I most certainly was, thank you. But it wasn't remotely hard. One can only assume you have never done any hard work if you think it is.

HelenaDove · 12/09/2017 02:25

I wonder how many people on here belittling shop workers are expecting to go to the Boxing Day sales.

I did Christmas in retail many years ago..........i didnt have time to blow my nose!

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:25

it's wonderful to be able to do what you trained to do, to get paid decently, to sit in a lovely chair that you chose, fo to the loo when you need to do and do interesting work

Very few of us get to do that. I know I don't. I really don't see what that has got to do with anything?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:25

hairymaryquitecontrary Oh how ignorant you are. I suppose they do say ignorance is bliss.

SerfTerf · 12/09/2017 02:26

working part time in a shop isn't working hard! I have done it.

But "part time hours in a shop" could mean so many things, from Saturday afternoons minding an estate agents to hard physical labour on a life-ruling zero hours contract.

Why are so many choosing to envisage the laziest scenario?

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:26

I wonder how many people on here belittling shop workers are expecting to go to the Boxing Day sales

Wouldn't go if you paid me. Nobody is belittling shop workers at all. It's a perfectly worthwhile job, nothing wrong with it. But doing it part time is not "working hard for a living".
full time, sure, it can be.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:27

But doing it part time is not "working hard for a living".

Yes, it is.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:27

I wouldn't date a bloke that worked in a shop and lived with his mum. That's me, that's my prerogative and I don't really care what anyone says, for me he's not dating material.

misshelena · 12/09/2017 02:27

She's being rude because she's saying working in a shop isn't working hard

Oh, I read her statement as meaning that the guy isn't working hard enough to become independent, such that he could have his own apartment and car. And she is right -- working part time in a shop is unlikely to get him out of mom's house anytime before silver or OP's biological clock runs out, assuming they want kids.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:27

hairymaryquitecontrary Oh how ignorant you are. I suppose they do say ignorance is bliss

You can't just say that without any particular reason why, its just an empty insult.
Look obviously you work part time in a shop and its touched a nerve. It's not all about you petal, so chill, k?

HelenaDove · 12/09/2017 02:27

i did it full time Christmas was bloody full on.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:28

Some of you would argue black was white. So funny!

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:28

Yes, it is

No it's not.

This could go on a while you know.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:28

Look obviously you work part time in a shop and its touched a nerve. It's not all about you petal, so chill, k?

I work part time, but no, I don't work in a shop.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:29

Well never mind, maybe you can work up to it?

SerfTerf · 12/09/2017 02:29

Nobody is belittling shop workers at all. It's a perfectly worthwhile job, nothing wrong with it.

Yes they are.

But doing it part time is not "working hard for a living".
full time, sure, it can be.

That could be the difference between 32 and 37 hpw. You don't know. And you don't know what kind of retail work or why he's in that job.

Peanutbuttercheese · 12/09/2017 02:30

When looking for a serious partner then you really have to be as compatible as possible. Some men and women will have a bit of a list of what they are looking for, its probably subconscious of what they want and also what they don't want.

It's far better to be honest with yourself, than waste people's time.

While it is harder for people due to housing costs to live independantly it is something that I would also find unappealing. He is working and maybe he can only get PT hours but these two just aren't on the same book let alone same page.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:31

Let people date who they want for whatever reason they want. It's fine. If they don't want to date them due to their own markers then so what. Get over yourself.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:32

Well never mind, maybe you can work up to it?

You're displaying your problematic attitude again, in that you think there are jobs above or beneath others. There aren't.

SerfTerf · 12/09/2017 02:32

When looking for a serious partner then you really have to be as compatible as possible. Some men and women will have a bit of a list of what they are looking for, its probably subconscious of what they want and also what they don't want.

Fair enough. So why did she need to start a thread? Just to make an enormous deal of how unconscionable it is that she might date a shop worker? Confused

Why do so many of you feel the need join in?

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:33

Whattodo, you date who you want due to your criteria and let others do the same.

Ask for his number, you never know Grin

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