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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

750 replies

therealbridgetjones · 11/09/2017 20:54

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 12/09/2017 02:08

*- I suffer anxiety and depression which has limited me

  • I'm 26 and live at home with my parents and don't work but i am their FT carer

would this be undatable?*

Honestly? For me yes if it was in circumstances similar to OP, where someone said I have a friend, this is their situation, do you want to go on a date with them? Or if I met someone through online dating I probably wouldn't be interested in meeting them with that set of circumstances. I wouldn't exactly be a catch either if I found myself back in the dating game and I'm sure I'd be written off for being a bit chubby and having 2 kids. I'm fine with that.
If you met someone in real life though and clicked with them I'm sure there's a lot of criteria which would be overlooked.

dinosaursandtea · 12/09/2017 02:08

Not if it's part time! And yeah, he could have caring responsibilities but why should that a) make him automatically a good person and b) make him OP's problem?

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:08

You really have a chip on your shoulder about this, don't you WhatToDo?

Someone who works part time in a shop is not working hard for their living, which is handy because living with mammy and daddy they don't have much of a living to pay for!

SerfTerf · 12/09/2017 02:09

The sort of person I am is one that drives, that works hard for her living and wants the same

Good grief woman, you're so bloody RUDE 😯

As What says, retail work isn't exactly dilettantism.

BadLad · 12/09/2017 02:09

Out of interest, what's wrong with stockbrokers, hairymary ?

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:09

I wouldn't date him. It's my preference. I wouldn't date a bloke that lived with his mother and worked in a shop. I also wouldn't date a bloke that doesn't drive. Kill me for it. It's MY preference.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:10

Someone who works part time in a shop is not working hard for their living,

Yes, they are. Don't be so ignorant.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:10

Im not rude at all, I have my preferences when dating and it is my prerogative.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:11

I want a bloke to have more or less the same as me. Nothing wrong in that at all.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:12

silverbell64 Great way to ignore my question. Guess you don't want to try and justify why you think those working in shops aren't working hard for their living, eh?

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:14

Yes, they are. Don't be so ignorant

Are you ignorant as to what PART TIME means?

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:15

Im not ignoring our question. Ive answered it. I want someone in the same earning bracket as I am. I want an equal partner, in income and property. What's wrong with that? I own my own home and have a relatively good income and want the same. No I wouldn't date a man that lived with his mother and worked in a shop.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:16

*your

SerfTerf · 12/09/2017 02:16

m not rude at all, I have my preferences when dating and it is my prerogative.

Well what do you mean you "work hard and you want the same"?

Are you a coalminer or a sheet metal worker? A domicilary care worker?

Never in a million years would it enter my head to say I worked harder than someone who works on their feet all day (assuming he IS shop floor). I might consider myself luckier or having it easier.

Maybe because I've actually done those jobs full time and know what they're like, instead of guessing.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:17

Out of interest, what's wrong with stockbrokers, hairymary

I used to work in a stockbrokers and I have never met such loathsome creatures in all my days. To a man they were absolute horrors. I'm sure there are some, even many, perfectly lovely stockbrokers but I am now prejudiced against them! Which I am perfectly allowed to be, I can take against anyone for anything I like Grin

misshelena · 12/09/2017 02:17

The sort of person I am is one that drives, that works hard for her living and wants the same Good grief woman, you're so bloody RUDE

Why is that RUDE? Why is wanting to date someone who drives and works hard RUDE? Why?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:18

Are you ignorant as to what PART TIME means?

Nope. Working part time doesn't mean you aren't working hard.

silverbell64 You have not answered this question:

So you think someone who works in a shop isn't working hard for their living?

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:18

Never in a million years would it enter my head to say I worked harder than someone who works on their feet all day (assuming he IS shop floor)

But you might say that as you work full time you do actually work harder than someone who works part time (assuming no caring responsibilities and/or disabilities etc)?

SerfTerf · 12/09/2017 02:18

I want an equal partner, in income and property. What's wrong with that? I own my own home and have a relatively good income and want the same. No I wouldn't date a man that lived with his mother and worked in a shop.

Now that's back in the realms of reasonable. A bit shallow, but not crackers or explicitly insulting.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:19

misshelena She's being rude because she's saying working in a shop isn't working hard.

BadLad · 12/09/2017 02:19

I'm dying to know what these loathsome creatures did, but that would derail the thread.

I wouldn't be interested in dating a woman who wasn't financially secure and ambitious, so it's a YANBU from me, OP.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:20

Is this how there are so many women posting on MN about being stuck with lazy layabout men? Because its rude to have your own standards about what you want from someone you are in a relationship with?
Makes sense, I guess. Well, completely bonkers, obviously, but sense in a way.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:20

misshelena She's being rude because she's saying working in a shop isn't working hard

working part time in a shop isn't working hard! I have done it.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:21

You're just trying to annoy people or get a rise out of a perfectly ok thing to want for the sake of an argument whattodo. Good luck with that as Im not rising to it.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:22

Because its rude to have your own standards about what you want from someone you are in a relationship with?

No need to make shit up.

It's rude to say people who work in a shop aren't working hard, or that those who work part time aren't working hard either.

That's what's rude.

But if you want to make things up, you go right ahead.

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