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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

750 replies

therealbridgetjones · 11/09/2017 20:54

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

OP posts:
silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 01:34

Thats a pretty mute thing to say What and you know it. I have certain criteria when dating.. But thats ok, they don't have to date me either.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 01:34

Er, no. Any professional job,

There we go. Thought so.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 01:36

Im not a "professional" so to speak, I still wouldn't date a bloke that lived with his mother and worked in a shop.

dinosaursandtea · 12/09/2017 01:37

YANBU. There is absolutely nothing wrong with prioritising financial security and ambition when it comes to meeting someone.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 01:38

There we go. Thought so

And? What's wrong with that?

Italiangreyhound · 12/09/2017 01:40

Justaboy if a friend wanted to fix you up on a date what would make you think that that person was actually not for you?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 01:41

Oh it just tells me a lot about the sort of person you are.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 01:41

I think she has said why. I'd be asking my friend why on earth she thought it would be a match.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 01:43

Not sure who you're aiming your last comment to What.

Im not particularly over fond of men that live with their mothers at 30, nor ones that have nil ambitions. Maybe you are though and that is your prerogative.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 01:44

Oh it just tells me a lot about the sort of person you are

A sensible and normal one with personal standards?

You seem to be saying you'd go out with absolutely anyone so what does that tell us about the sort of person you are?

Justaboy · 12/09/2017 01:45

Italiangreyhound. I don't know, as i know very little about her other than she lives with her parents and works in a shop. But I'd meet her all the same the outcome could be anything, anything at all but i would not prejudge her just for those reasons.

Anyway nite all its late!

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 01:47

Actually thinking about it, if a friend of mine did such a mis match I'd think she had lost her marbles and wonder what on earth she was thinking.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 01:48

A sensible and normal one with personal standards?

Right, so sensible and normal people don't go out with those who work in shops?

You seem to be saying you'd go out with absolutely anyone so what does that tell us about the sort of person you are?

I haven't said or implied anything of the sort.

Im not particularly over fond of men that live with their mothers at 30, nor ones that have nil ambitions. Maybe you are though and that is your prerogative.

I'm already married to my childhood sweetheart, so whether or not I'm attracted to them is irrelevant.

Oh, and by the by, working in a shop does not mean one has "nil ambitions".

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 01:49

Living with your mother at 30 does!!!

BadLad · 12/09/2017 01:49

Imagine having sexual relations with someone who listened to the Venga Boys.

I think I'd actually prefer listening to that than Celine Dion.

But at least that can be solved with a pair of headphones - still living with parents on a paltry wage is rather more difficult to solve.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 01:53

Living with your mother at 30 does!!!

Nope, it really doesn't.

dinosaursandtea · 12/09/2017 01:57

No, but that plus a retail job - unless he's in management or on the management track - means he's far less likely to be in the same financial place as the OP. That's the kind of thing that causes major problems. Plus, assume he is a manager and has been saving for a house deposit - would you really want to buy somewhere with a guy who's been living at home for years?

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 01:57

well it does for me, maybe not you but for me its a non starter.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:00

If my DS was still wanting to live with me at the age of 30, I'd kick him out.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:00

silverbell64 Like I said, that tells me a lot about the sort of person you are.

misshelena · 12/09/2017 02:00

YANBU, as TLC so beautiful put it:

If you don't have a car and you're walking
Oh yeah son, I'm talking to you
If you live at home wit' your momma
Oh yes son, I'm talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty but you don't show love
Oh yes son, I'm talking to you
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no, I don't want no (oh)

No scrub
No scrub (no no)...
Grin Grin

hairymaryquitecontrary · 12/09/2017 02:04

Right, so sensible and normal people don't go out with those who work in shops?

No, sensible and normal people choose who they want to go out with based on criteria that matter to them, not on what some internet random thinks is an acceptable thing to matter.

I wouldn't want to date someone who voted Tory, or a vegan, or someone who listens to Status Quo, or who wears socks and sandals, or lives with parents post 25, or who works in a bar or a butchers or a stockbrokers.
It doesnt matter what you think of my criteria, it only matters what I think. Women don't owe any random dude to go out with them, we are allowed to pre judge and discriminate on anything we damn well choose.

steff13 · 12/09/2017 02:04

People are arguing about fictional scenarios. The OP has said this guy works part-time, isn't in school, isn't working on something else, had never moved from his parents' home. The fact is, this guy doesn't seem to have a lot of ambition.

The fictional guy who's moved back to his parents' after his divorce or saving up for a house, or working part-time because he's in school, or writing a screenplay isn't the guy we're taking about. The OP may well consider dating fictional guy, regardless of working in a shop.

silverbell64 · 12/09/2017 02:05

The sort of person I am is the sort of person that truly believe that a man should not live with his mother at 30.
The sort of person I am is one that drives, that works hard for her living and wants the same. No, I won't entertain a man that lives with his mother and works in a shop, unless I also have no ambition, then that would make us equal. Im not that person so therefore I wouldn't want to date him. Quite simple really.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/09/2017 02:06

that works hard for her living

So you think someone who works in a shop isn't working hard for their living?

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