To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

[therealbridgetjones]

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Don't try and backpeddle now, you explicitly said in your post "I was doing better than that at 20 fgs.", which means you think you are better than anyone who works in a shop and/or lives with their parents.

Trust me, you are not better.

Never said I was better than anybody fgs. Unless said 35yo is a carer for a family member, then nope. All the people I've met who are over 30 and still need to live with mom and dad are not people I can relate to, or have any wish to spend time with..
They're generally (presumably there are exceptions) dependant people who can't function on their own.

I'm a single parent and I've had enough of that shit. If I go out with anybody, they'll be able to function without their parents.

Haha, you sound like my arsehole ex

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower You said you were doing better than that at 20, so yes, you do think you're better than them.

You are not.

It's nothing to do with me being better or worse. I just won't shag a man who should have moved out of his mommies house 15 fucking years ago.

It's nothing to do with me being better or worse.

Then why did you say you were doing better at 20?

Why not just go and meet him and leave your preconceptions at home preferably where they belong in the dustbin!.

Take an open mind with you and see what you find.

There might be things there that attract you.

There may not be, but why prejudge this man?

What have you got to loose? Nothing. You might not find the man of your wildest dreams you might find someone who'd be a good friend, someone to meet up with to spend time who may like doing some activities interests you mutually have between you?. He even might have a friend you'd go wild for?.

Life is short enjoy it while you can :)

There - nuff said..

Better at 20 was the wrong thing to say, I meant that it's something I did when I was younger. I've said, no problem with working in a shop (I'd go back if it had the same pension).

But someone in their mid 30s, who still relies on their parents for a place to live, will never be attractive to be. Which is fine, I'm allowed to have that opinion!

*me.

But someone in their mid 30s, who still relies on their parents for a place to live

Well on the face of it, as may be, but do you know why that is?.

Why is he still with his parents?, there may be some very good reasons other than him being a man child, a mummy's boy.

Unless you know?. Why?

Because I don't want to. Which is reason enough.

There have been plenty of people on the thread who have said they would be put off by living with parents, so stop hammering at me please.

No I wouldn't go on a date with a 30 year old that still lived with his parents and worked in a shop, unless i did the same.

Oh god, silverbell is agreeing with me. I'm out.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Having that opinion is fine. Saying you're better than someone, which you initially did but have now thankfully retracted, is not.

It's fucking ridiculous that any women needs to defend why she doesn't want to date any man. Have you ever heard a man having to say why he doesn't want to date someone?

Men are confident. Women shouldn't try and talk each other into dating someone.

What's she go to lose? I don't know. But it is fairly clear she doesn't want to meet up with him, so that is reason enough!

Can I just jump in and ask a question related to this, those that say YANBU where would you stand on this situation:

-I have a degree
-I am ambitious

• I suffer anxiety and depression which has limited me
• I'm 26 and live at home with my parents and don't work but i am their FT carer

would this be undatable? I suspect so and it obviously depends on the person but if I didn't live here my parents lives would turn bad very quickly

why would you say that princess? I don't actually go on any thread to disagree with anyone in particular, I say my own truth.

And I'm not saying I'll always live here but when it comes time to move it just wouldn't be a split decision thing, id have to get lots sorted

Like goes with like. I wouldn't date someone that still lived with their mother at 30 and worked in a shop, I don't so I want the same as me. I also wouldn't date a bloke that didn't drive. Its my preference.

still lived with their mother at 30 and worked in a shop, I don't so I want the same as me.

So, say for example you're a teacher (add in your own job). You'd only date other teachers, then, right? Because you want the same as you.

Since when did working in a shop meant that someone doesn't have ambition?

Works part time in a shop and lives at home with his parents in his 30's? Not exactly riddled with ambition, is he?

I certainly want someone that brings in the same sort of wage as me, yes I would.

lampetylamp
"Can I just jump in and ask a question related to this, those that say YANBU where would you stand on this situation:

-I have a degree
-I am ambitious

• I suffer anxiety and depression which has limited me
• I'm 26 and live at home with my parents and don't work but i am their FT carer

would this be undatable? I suspect so and it obviously depends on the person but if I didn't live here my parents lives would turn bad very quickly"

I would not say for a moment you are undate-able. I am sure there may be a great person out there for you. I would wonder if you get enough free time to go out dating etc.

And if meeting someone is a priority you may need to find a way to meet new people.

In your shoes I'd make it a priority to get the help for depression and anxiety and to be able to overcome, or at least manage, these conditions. (I had mild anxiety 20 years ago, cured by CBT).

Do you like being a carer? Is this something you expect to do for many years? Living with your parents and caring for them may well inhibit your own chances of living with a partner (unless you find a person who wants to share a home with your parents too).

I would personally think about the future and when your caring for them may not be possible and what plans you and they may have for that time.

I say this in all honestly, if my child were caring for me and I knew that doing so would inhibit their chance to marry and have a family of their own, I would much rather go into a care home.

I say this as someone whose mum went into a care home with dementia a few years ago (died last year). Had we cared for mum at home we would not have been able to adopt our little boy.

But none of this alters the fact that any person can show zero interest romantically or sexually in any other person. Because we all get to choose this stuff for ourselves, it's called being free.

Good luck lampetylamp (I met my husband through a dating/social network).

I'm not hammering you princess of power. Its just that I find the original posters reasons rather well well different to my views!.

OK lets see I've worked bloody hard, never had the opportunity to go to Uni it just wasn't the dun thing where i grew up and when i grew up but I've done rather well. Worth a few bob enjoy a few cultural activities art galleries, museums, classical music opera etc couple of very nice cars own a portfolio of properties and all that material stuff.

But if someone was good enough to fix me up with a date even if that woman still lived at home maybe she worked in a shop i wouldn't prejudge her or look down at her?. What, do i know about her?.

She might have been divorced, come off worse, living with her parents might be a temp stopgap, it might be for convenience, she may not earn enough to buy a place she might be looking after a parent there might be lots of reasons. She might be working in a charity shop as its something close to her outlook to her heart, she feels strongly about who knows what her reasons are?

But I'd meet up with her who knows what I might find what I might discover?.

So, say for example you're a teacher (add in your own job). You'd only date other teachers, then, right? Because you want the same as you

Er, no. Any professional job,