To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

[therealbridgetjones]

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

YADNBU therealbridgetjones, you date who you want to, for whatever reason you do or do not wish to date them.

My lovely mum worked in a shop all her life and I am very proud of her. But I would never have tried to talk anyone into dating her against their will.

Why would you date someone you don't want to?

Agree with expatinscotland "You don't owe anyone a date, for any reason. You don't owe anyone a chance, a date, a phone number."
And "Distance yourself from such 'friends' who don't respect whatever boundaries or standards you set for yourself.

And don't ever go on a date you have to talk yourself into."

Great advice.

Plus I moved out and moved back in and out again etc, to my parents home from age 19 to 36, and I would not want anyone to be talked into dating me!

OP, clearly your friend has different priorities in a partner to you. If he's so amazing, the perhaps she should date him herself. Wonder if he gets a curfew from mummy and daddy ...

Personally, I wouldn't want to go on a date with him either. I used to have a long list of 'prerequisites' in my perfect man and didn't bother wasting time on dates with men who didn't fit the bill. Happy to report that I eventually met my amazing husband who also happened to tick all of my superficial/snobby boxes.

I can't see a flaw in your belief that he is wildly different to you and that you wouldn't be compatible.

It's funny that as I was reading this I realised that if you were a man talking about a woman you'd get flamed the shit out of!

And as sad as I am to admit it, no there's no way if I were single that I would go out with a man who at 30 was earning minimum wage. No way at all.

I had a child at 16, have spent several years living as a hermit due to mental health issues, and I currently work in a fairly professional job and I am paid significantly more than minimum wage, also with the added issue of my work life having to be fairly flexible as it needs to wrap around family commitments.

I just wouldn't be able to justify that I have managed to get myself to where I am today, with different constraints.whether they are health, responsibility to my family, or the odds stacked against me via my childhood or becoming a parent at 16.... I am slightly below average intelligence and I have confidence on the floor.

I'd expect anyone without these constraints to be doing just as well if not better in their life.

Yanbu.

Because I did this, totally blind to anyone's background etc and then ended up in really difficult relationships where I was the breadwinner and they couldn't handle my background.

Although, sometimes I still like to believe that love conquers all...

Hmmm. I can take many interesting opinions and thoughts away from this thread. Not those from user997799whatever, because they are total tube.

Interesting AIBU.
I can't help wondering though how you'd feel if you got chatting to the friend without knowing anything at all about him and found yourself really liking him and wanting to take things further. Would you then cut your nose off to spite your face and change your mind as soon as he told you he was a shop worker and still lived with his parents.
You are not being unreasonable in the sense that of-course it's your choice what criteria you use to determine who you want to go out with, but for all you know this person you don't want to meet could be far more interesting, ambitious and financially secure than you have assumed on the basis of his current employment and living arrangements. As I see it, you're rejecting him without giving him a chance.

YANBU but you are being shallow.

He's dodged a bullet with you tbh.

Awwwww @histinyhands !! He might be kind, funny and great with his tongue. (When mum is not next door waiting to do his laundry) Haha that is not a mental image I wanted! Eeeew!

Can you imagine? What if she's one of those overbearing types who just waltzed in unannounced? Or intentionally barges in whenever he has company? What if she were just lurking outside the door the entire time, "checking up" on her "little boy"??

Mama's gonna keep baby healthy and cleeeeeeaaaannn. Oooooh babe...

I definitely wouldn't have wanted to date someone who was still living at home with his parents when I was single.

I'm all for being open minded but there's nothing about him that sounds appealing at all. YANBU to not want to date him.

I would never date someone from a council estate no matter how nice they are. Just too different in backgrounds.

My highly awesome, reasonably successful and pretty smart OH - who grew up in a council flat - would thank you for it.

@Dumbo412 There are many reasons why people may not be doing as well as you. Even within the spectrum of 'mental health' there are different illnesses and varying degrees of severity. Someone may have missed out on better opportunities due to past mental health issues.

What if someone judged you before they met you and said they would never date someone who had been a teenaged mother?

YABVU. Working in retail doesn't mean you're not intelligent, and for you to think so shows ignorance on your part.

Haha, actually howling at some of these responses. Absolutely nothing wrong with working in a shop (I have done so), nothing wrong with living with your parents (up to a point) but ffs.. In your 30s, with parents, working in a shop (skipped a bit, assuming it's not a managerial role).

Yeh, I wouldn't take a second fucking look, I was doing better than that at 20 fgs. Nothing to do with bring a snob, EVERYTHING to do with the attitude of said person.

Well, thanks.

I don't care what anybody thinks. I wouldn't date a man in his 30s who still lives with his parents. Good lord...

I don't care what anybody thinks.

Yep, that's quite clear.

You're very angry... Aren't you. Are you 35 and still living with your mum?

Yes, I know that's antagonistic. Deliberately so. I'm allowed an opinion on who I go out with, without being called a cunt.

OP "I don't know how to make her see that this is a reflection of a persons personality." To be honest I would not bother, she is trying to talk you into doing something you do not want to do. That doesn't sound very nice. Either to him or you.

I wonder how he would feel knowing his friend was trying to talk a woman into dating him. I bet he would be pretty embarressed.

Primrose06 "So as you have prejudged the person leave it." How exactly is having an opinion about who you spend your social time with, prejudice. She is not refusing him a job!

This is her life. She is no required to share time with someone just because they, or in this case their mutual friend wants them to! How many men do you think get talked into dating women, my guess is very few!

KERALA1 "I find it hard to believe that in their youth the critical posters haven't refused dates on unjustifiable grounds - wrong shoes, annoying laugh etc grin just me then!" My friend turned downa date on shoes! Guess what, I never felt the need to talk her into it!

OP there are loads of posters on here who may be keen to date him so you don't need to feel bad for not giving him the pleasure of your company.

therealbridgetjones "I've had some shit dates lately and she thinks I should try dating a 'lovely guy' as opposed to one who messes me around.

No I'm not stirring. Just trying to work out if this is where I'm going wrong with dating."

Maybe rather than being less discriminating you need to be more discriminating and filter out the assholes who will treat you badly.

You're very angry... Aren't you. Are you 35 and still living with your mum?

I'm not angry, nor am I in my 30s or living with my parents.

I'm allowed an opinion on who I go out with, without being called a cunt.

Oh you can have an opinion on who you go out with, sure.

But saying someone in their thirties living with their parents has an attitude you deem unworthy, and that you think you're better than them, is just cuntish.

Then chill, dude

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower I won't stop calling out atrocious attitudes when I see them.

You are no better than anyone, and that includes anyone of any age working in a shop and/or living with their parents.

Nah, it's just someone I wouldn't go out with, that's all. Which is fine, normal, and entirely my choice. No way would I date a person of that age who still had to rely on their parents. Fuck that shit.