To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

[therealbridgetjones]

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

I am but a lowly person, I worked in retail until I retired at 50. What's the point for a measly 100k per annum.

Didnt know I was beneath most people

Take it like that if you will.

The op can date who she likes, as I've already said. But to those who think that retail is full of those who are ambitionless and happy to be badly paid for life then you're wrong. My aim is to be territory leader and the paygrade is 150k a year basic plus all the perks. "Working in a shop" doesn't make you a mindless lackey. My ex works for a well known budget supermarket and earns 75k a year plus, started on the shop floor. He may have ambition op!

I am but a lowly person, I worked in retail until I retired at 50

Were you working part time and living with your parents?

YANBU.
Like you, OP, I worked hard at university and was able to buy my own house in my mid twenties and afford all the trappings of a comfortable life on top of that such as holidays, meals out, nice clothes, etc. Back then, I refused to rule out any potential date based on their income or living arrangements. I had relationships with 30 year old man who lived with his parents, a man who earned minimum wage and another who couldn't work at all, due to illness. I refused to choose a partner based on anything other than attraction and personality, thinking it was superficial and snobbish. Every single one of those relationships deteriorated partly due to tension about money - either I ended up bankrolling them in order to make them part of my lifestyle or they refused to accept any money from me which resulted in me compromising my choices all the time so that we could do and buy things affordable to us both. When I was 32 I met my DH who my equal in every way including his earnings and living situation – let's just say it's made life a hell of a lot easier.

Give it a go. Why not? No commitment to a second date and you never know what the bigger picture might be.

Give it a go. Why not

Because she doesn't have to go out with every random who asks

We all judge people - but it's probably more accurate to do so having met them, rather than judging a hypothetical version of them in our heads.

Obviously you have no obligation to go on a date with this man and given the opinion you've formed of him on absolutely no evidence whatever I suspect it's probably better you don't.

Maybe OP you could rename your thread to: should I date this guy?
If you're incompatible then that's that. But the shop bit in your thread title is making me really quite cross.

Really have no idea how that in 2017 we are still judging people by where they work and what they do. I work in a shop. I earn 52k for doing so, as does my husband. Most of my best friends work in shops. Some earn less than me, some earn more. All of us are functioning, intelligent people - I could've used my linguistics degree if I had done something else maybe, but heigh ho!

Take the shop bit out. Smacks of snobbery. Ta.

Yanbu you can date who you want. You are however an absolute snob.

I'm pretty sure the friend would have mentioned if they were a manager/owner POJM.

Of course YANBU!

I refuse to believe that so many people on here wouldn't consider the man's situation when deciding whether or not to go in a date with him.

"Because she doesn't have to go out with every random who asks"

In a nutshell.

Thank you for your very reasonable explanation of dating these days LadyLance .

I think it would depend what he does in the shop and why that's where he's working.

If he were a student working in retail to fund his studies, then fine. We've all been there. Would also depend what he does in the store and what type of shop - being full-time manager of a large department store is not anywhere near the same level as working as a shelf-stacker.

YANBU. And you are not being a snob. I would never date someone from a council estate no matter how nice they are. Just too different in backgrounds.

Can someone explain this to me please? As far as I've read, the OP's friend had said that they could set the OP up for a DATE with someone that the OP hasn't met. The OP knows the person's age and job. This person HASN'T ACTUALLY ASKED OP OUT . They have never met. Am I right?

In my late 20s I had a PhD, was working in different countries and I knew that I wanted my future to have lots of travelling and adventure.

I wouldn't have dated a 30-something working part-time in a supermarket and living with his parents either. Except if he was gorgeous and a God in bed, in which case I may have considered him for a one or two-night-stands.

If some people in MNet had called me a snob... I would have sent them the details so they could have dated him themselves.

You sound very sensible actually. These threads tend to turn hysterical very quickly, but fuck them. It's your life. If more people approached dating with such a clear head there would be far fewer threads on this site! If you are looking for a serious relationship it makes sense to want someone who has a similar outlook and drive. You'd probably end up subsidizing this guy.

Reminds me of an ex boyfriend who after getting his degree at uni got a part time job in a shop. Zero ambition, used to pretend to apply for jobs. It just got tiring, especially as I was paying for the majority of things. It was like going out with someone who decided not to grow up. We split up.

It's just the combination of living with parents and not being ambitious (my friend admits this) that I don't think is compatible with me.

Yeah that is a bit of a difference from knowing nothing more than "he works in a shop" for sure. If he has NEVER moved out of his parents house and doesn't have the ambition to leave a part time job, and you have very different life goals and ambitions, then I doubt you'd be a good match in the long run.

If you are the type who considers dating to be the lead up to marriage/long term commitment, then it does sound like a waste of your time.

However, if you're just out for a date, then I don't see anything wrong with meeting up for a drink once or twice, just to see if you have any fun and get on together! Unless you think your mutual friend will have told him that you have "loads of money" and will be "happy to pay for everything" and that you "even have a house so he could move into yours" or something like that. Yikes.

And, oops! I missed LOADS of this, so I apologise if my previous post is really late and irrelevant. I left the page open and walked away for a bit, and didn't refresh before posting. Sorry!

How old is he? 22 or 42? There's a difference. But, no I wouldn't. Call me a snob, I don't care. I worked hard from leaving university- teaching. I bought a flat and then a house and by the time I met DH at 29, I would not have gone on a date with someone who was still living with his parents and working in Asda part-time. I just would not have been intetested. Not that DH was a wildly ambitious, property owning whizz. He did teacher training in his late mid-20s and had a flat he was buying and had found his way a bit later than me. But we had similar education, values and direction - and he made me laugh. We felt like equals in lots of ways and that matteted to me.

Today 23:24 user997799779977

YANBU. And you are not being a snob. I would never date someone from a council estate no matter how nice they are. Just too different in backgrounds.

My god! I literally cannot cope with idiots like you. I don't even particularly care that I'm being rude. I would say the council dwellers have a lucky escape. How would you cope associating with the likes of Adele, billionaire Opera Winfrey, J K Rowling, Lewis Hamilton .....