To judge this woman?

[moralberyll]

Leaving the local maternity unit today and a heavily pregnant woman who is obviously a patient as she was wearing a dressing gown, slippers and pyjamas was standing right near the doorway smoking a cigarette, there is a big sign up saying 'no smoking on campus'. Aibu to judge her that she is not only putting her own baby at risk but she wants to put other people's baby's at risk from secondhand smoke as well? I would definitely have said something if i were leaving the unit with my newborn baby!

Are t we all just trying to find a way to make our lives easier or to cope better? I don't understand this judging stuff. Just let people be and try and help them, no?

No mumsoncrack I agree with you. I just think your username is funny in the circs.

Enough women have said how they smoked after learning about the death of their unborn child, you would think that is enough to stop people making snap judgments but no of course it isn't because there is a type of person who just gets off on judging others, a "I'm better than you mentality" that gives them the warm and fuzzies. I wouldn't shoot a smoking pregnant woman a dirty look or tut at them because maybe that woman is going through one of the most horrific experiences of her life and why would I risk adding to that pain? Certainly not to get my high and mighty jollies.

I agree #plantsitter but I respect your need to sit plants, or not. I'm really not on crack...promise

Last time I googled I was an omnivore. That actually means we eat most things otherwise we are supposed to "supplement" our diets if no meat is involved. So be be fair. That doesn't make sense to me.

My husband chose this name for me lol

I think anything in "moderation" is very ok anyone else that doesn't is a bit weird. Whether that means a fag or whatever. To actually get to the point you hate or think anything is disgusting then you really need to look at yourself.

YABU. I don't judge pregnant women who smoke because I don't know what they're going through or indeed if they've cut down.

However, I do judge people who post anecdata as fact, the "oh we were stabbed in the eye with knives as kids and it did us no harm. I have 20:20 vision." brigade. No but that doesn't change basic science and fact that states being stabbed in the eye does usuallly cause eye damage.

Silverbell64, the thing is with smoking, it's not a case of everything in moderation, do you really not believe the health warning, and what people have shared about people they know who have died of smoking related illnesses? Do you really think the health warnings are not true at all?

To be perfectly honest no, I don't believe the beastings about it. I have about 5 a day, this is not going to kill me. If i were to smoke 20 to 40 a day that will certainly do that. As in anything. My mother died at 82, her mother died at 85. For me that's a great innings.

The thing with alcohol and food is that in moderation of course it's fine. With smoking it's not, as far as I understand it. I'm not sure that there is a safe amount of smoking at all.

So 'everything in moderation' is not true with smoking.

And my nephew is adopted. His birth mum smoked through her pregnancy and he has severe respiratory problems.

I worry more about the "clean living" hype. It is not good for an omnivore to eat a very restricted diet.

YANBU. Nasty and common as muck.

I admit I'm starting to yawn at all the health warnings about food. It's almost like you can't eat anything these days without there being some kind of health warning about it. It is too much.

And maybe you're right about 5 a day being ok. I would be surprised if all that many smokers stick to that level though.

I think there used to be the added factor in this country of very smokey rooms. In Turkey I noticed that almost everyone smoked. But they don't have the smoking related illnesses we do. Because they mostly live outdoors, and there's far less obesity.

I started smoking again at 30 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. I remember clearly standing outside the maternity unit and having a fag given to me by a kind midwife. I even popped onto Tesco on the way home and bought a pack of 20, massive full term looking bump on show (due to polyhydroamnios). I was probably judged harshly but didn't notice or care. I had just found out that despite not even having a single drag of a fag, a drop of alcohol, a tiny bit of brie and religiously taking all my vitamins since I got a positive pregnancy test, that my baby daughter was not going to live after the birth.

I stuck to 5 a day with my last pregnancy. My Obstrician told me not to worry as that amount would not have an impact and anything that calmed me down was beneficial! He was 9lb 7oz and in excellent health.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it before you judge complete strangers knowing nothing about them.

I get what you're saying Mittens. It makes sense.

One thing I always notice on smoking threads is the classism that creeps up inevitably. Many, many middle class people give up (or never take up) smoking and have now started to look upon it as "common" or "lower class". Quite funny that.

If most of you cared about the unborn babies or the women concerned you'd look at how to help them. But sure, sneer away instead.

Many many middle class or upper class smoke. It's just more "secret" I really object to people telling me that Im a lowly so therefore smoke. Pretty patronising if meant well.

I work in an upper class society and believe me they smoke.

Sorry about your loss user

I've only had one cigarette in the past five years.

How I looked : hair greasy, wearing a pair of faded track pants, literally pacing outside the convenience store where I'd bought the pack, with a big belly looking about 6-7 mos pregnant.

Reality: about 12 hours post partum having lost my son to an unexplained stillbirth, having laboured and delivered with no pain relief and having just got out of the house so my mum and sister could dismantle our nursery furniture without us having to see it be taken apart.

But sure, some random stranger's judgement would have truly made me question my life choices at that moment.

Its across the board, whether you are upper or considered lower class. The only difference is the upper class pretend they don't.

I agree with you silverbell - it's just a stereotype I see perpetuated on anti-smoking threads all the time - it keeps being referred to as "common" etc
Sorry my previous post wasn't well phrased

YANBU. Nasty and common as muck.

Well most people I know that smoke are extremely wealthy.

I've never smoked but it's not always as easy as "just stopping because it's right". Addictions by their nature are very hard to quit. And quitting can be very stressful, just at a time when a pregnant woman should be avoiding stress. So if a pregnant woman cant give up smoking, what should she do?

It is what it is. I smoke, the woman outside the hospital smokes. Are we the unclean nasty underclass that is portrayed. No, not at all. Is smoking on the way out? I don't think so, nor is drinking. I really don't see that someone having a cigarette is worse than someone holding a glass of wine or a beer. It is al supposed to be bad for us.

To all those people that want to judge me for it or the woman outside the hospital, I'd say look to yourself rather than others.