To judge this woman?

[moralberyll]

Leaving the local maternity unit today and a heavily pregnant woman who is obviously a patient as she was wearing a dressing gown, slippers and pyjamas was standing right near the doorway smoking a cigarette, there is a big sign up saying 'no smoking on campus'. Aibu to judge her that she is not only putting her own baby at risk but she wants to put other people's baby's at risk from secondhand smoke as well? I would definitely have said something if i were leaving the unit with my newborn baby!

^ seriously. Is anyone this stupid?

There is more of a risk to the unborn child if the smoker has to abstain. Unborns are far more affected by the mothers moods and angst

Interesting... id like to read the scientific evidence for that? Can you link it please?

I think smoking whilst pregnant is awful.

But I did it.

I was very young, I'd smoked since I was 11, did drugs since I was 12, came from a shitty background, the 'love of my life' (DCs dad) had started to have a severe mental breakdown and abused me and told me he had fallen in love with someone else, leaving me homeless and living in the most disgusting hostel filled with drug addicts. I had stopped drinking and taking drugs, which were both big parts of my life. Admittedly I was too young and immature to have a baby, but hindsight is a great thing. I still stayed strong and smoke free until I was told my baby was likely to have Down's syndrome. Then I lost it. I had the odd fag. Never in public - I too was a judger until I realised what shitty situations some mums can be in.

So I smoked (not a lot, but I did). I feel guilt every day for it. Every time one of my friends gets pregnant and stops smoking immediately, I'm embarrassed and disgusted with myself.

But I've gone from being 21, in an abusive relationship, homeless, no job, going to the 3rd worst school in the county.

To getting firsts at uni, having a lovely job and a lovely home, and absolutely pouring my heart and soul into doing a good job at raising my incredible two year old.

Do I deserve someone telling me I never deserved to be a mother? I personally don't think so. I love my daughter so much that my heart could burst and I could cry at the thought that I put her at risk. Luckily, she's fine. And I know I will never make similar mistakes again.

But honestly - not everyone who smokes during pregnancy is just a shit mum who doesn't care about their baby.

a couple of fags now and again has no more risk to an unborn child than pollution. as i said, everything in moderation is fine. do you have evidence to the contrary? if however you do anything to excess it will do. so not sure what you are trying to say.

I see all the usual suspects are rocking up on this thread...

Why do people always ask for a link? Not everything is on the internet. grin Perhaps the person posting is a professional

Generally, the relevant studies will have been published on the internet. If in this case it hasn't, I'd be interested in the professional opinion that leads to this assertion.
The evidence must be available somewhere for the person to have come to this conclusion. I'm just asking where I can access the information!

I do however dislike people calling me stupid.

There is more of a risk to the unborn child if the smoker has to abstain. Unborns are far more affected by the mothers moods and angst.

That's absolute bollocks.

I find it really interesting that on Mumsnet, there's never the same level of criticism (if any at all) leveled at overweight/obese women who choose to become pregnant, before getting down to a healthy weight.

Could it be because there are far more overweight/obese women on here than there are smokers?

Is it that while people are pointing their fingers at other people and their pregnancies, they don't need to think about the unnecessary risks they were happy to take with their own babies?

We saw a very pregnant woman light up a cig as she was putting the buggy of her other child in the boot of the car a few months ago. My Autistic 14 yr. old son stood there aghast pointing at her and said 'that's disgusting mum!' She looked over and quickly stubbed the cig. out then hurriedly drove off. Well done that man I say.

I am ashamed to admit I smoked when pregnant with dd1. I also drank probably too much. In my defense I was young, in a horrible relationship and really unwell mentally. She was small but otherwise perfectly healthy thank god, but what now seems quite insane, is that just along the corridor from delivery and opposite the neo natal ward, there was a smoking room. It all seemed perfectly normal then. This was late 1980s

Im not ashamed to have moderately smoked during my pregnancy at all. as for corcory's definition, that's pretty shocking to use this.

Cocory do you really think being criticised by a random kid was what made her put her cigarette out?

Silverbell it does seem a shame to set the bar quite so low.
If you're not convinced that there are any negative effects to smoking while pregnant, perhaps you'd like to share the benefits ?

We saw a very pregnant woman light up a cig as she was putting the buggy of her other child in the boot of the car a few months ago. My Autistic 14 yr. old son stood there aghast pointing at her and said 'that's disgusting mum!' She looked over and quickly stubbed the cig. out then hurriedly drove off. Well done that man I say.

I know from my previous post, you'll see I may be biased. But are you really proud of your child for that comment? What about an obese woman walking out from a maternity clinic? Would you be telling your son well done if he called them disgusting?

Would you be happy and proud if that other woman has just found out her child had died after she had been pushed down the stairs by her abusive partner (a situation not unfamiliar to me), and your son had made his clever comment and she had sat in the car whilst sobbing her eyes out, contemplating suicide?

I might have smoked the odd fag, but I would never applaud my child for being judgy towards a person - in any circumstance, but especially one where you have no idea what's going on in that persons life. Behave as perfectly as you claim want during pregnancy, but teaching a child to be judgemental has even shittier outcomes on them, and wider society.!

'Well done that man'? hope you're really proud.

I was also born into a world that disgust at peoples choices didn't really happen. My only thing back then was the way men treated women. and still is.

None of you actually give a shit though, do you? If you did you'd be looking at strategies that work to help pregnant smokers to quit and doing what you could to support them, or at least not actively hindering those efforts.

Who gives a shit how many pregnant smokers are destined to die early? Who gives a shit about stillbirths and low birth weight, SIDS, glue ear, asthma, bla bla bla? Who gives a shit that the children of smokers are far more likely to become smokers themselves, thus repeating the cycle?

Not you lot, that's for sure.

None of those health risks matter compared with your righteous right to be righteously outraged, apparently. I judge you massively.

Everything in moderation is not bad! Smoking whilst pregnant if you cut down is not bad. However attacking a woman for doing so is pretty bad.

Third rate trolling

who's trolling? are you a troll hunter kitty? if so you are worse?

Don't judge, i smoked after giving birth to my twins at the hospital, one was alive. I had a hell of a pregnancy. You really don't know what is going on for others x

What's the point in silently judging?

PencilsinSpace actually people do care about all those things.
I genuinely want to know what health professionals and others can do to get the message across that smoking isn't good for you and that smoking while pregnant isn't good for you or your unborn child.
There is support available but clearly that doesn't work for everyone. What would help?

CottonEyedJoe

Well done on tuning your life around your daughter has a mother to be proud of and is an inspiration. The odd fag won't change the bigger picture. If fact I doubt it will even feature in her admiration of you. Keep going you're doing a fab job